We all know that our friendships have evolved over time. Those same individuals we connected with so closely at one point may seem completely different now, whether because of distance, work, kids, or other changing life circumstances.
It's very easy to cast blame on ourselves for this: "Why didn't I visit him more?" "Was I a good enough friend?" "Did I take our friendship for granted?"
But we must accept the fact that it's normal for friendships to change through the normal course of time.
If you find yourself pointing the finger only at yourself, it's likely you're reflecting only upon the great moments in your friendship.
But what about your friend? Was she flawless? Did she never do anything to upset YOU?
We assess a friendship with rose-colored glasses. The fact is our friends are probably as much to blame -- if not more -- for a friendship losing its luster.
For example, my closest friend moved 6 hours away last year and I've missed him ever since. But it isn't as though I took him for granted while he was still here. In fact, I had actually proposed that we take turns seeing each other once a week -- which he initially agreed to, but later admitted he couldn't deliver on. He also turned down several invitations to hang out because of work or familial obligations.
I have yet another friend I am drifting apart from. Since joining a youth group at his church, he seems occupied and less interested in hanging out with me, one of his oldest friends, than ever before. He has also either declined or not been receptive to suggestions we hang out like old times.
So what should be the grand takeaway from this post?
Don't just blame yourself for a friendship going awry. Just like it takes two people to keep a friendship vibrant, it takes two to make it crumble. People change over time, as do their interests and priorities over time. If only you are putting in the effort to keep it alive, you might as well cut your losses and find new friends.
It's very easy to cast blame on ourselves for this: "Why didn't I visit him more?" "Was I a good enough friend?" "Did I take our friendship for granted?"
But we must accept the fact that it's normal for friendships to change through the normal course of time.
If you find yourself pointing the finger only at yourself, it's likely you're reflecting only upon the great moments in your friendship.
But what about your friend? Was she flawless? Did she never do anything to upset YOU?
We assess a friendship with rose-colored glasses. The fact is our friends are probably as much to blame -- if not more -- for a friendship losing its luster.
For example, my closest friend moved 6 hours away last year and I've missed him ever since. But it isn't as though I took him for granted while he was still here. In fact, I had actually proposed that we take turns seeing each other once a week -- which he initially agreed to, but later admitted he couldn't deliver on. He also turned down several invitations to hang out because of work or familial obligations.
I have yet another friend I am drifting apart from. Since joining a youth group at his church, he seems occupied and less interested in hanging out with me, one of his oldest friends, than ever before. He has also either declined or not been receptive to suggestions we hang out like old times.
So what should be the grand takeaway from this post?
Don't just blame yourself for a friendship going awry. Just like it takes two people to keep a friendship vibrant, it takes two to make it crumble. People change over time, as do their interests and priorities over time. If only you are putting in the effort to keep it alive, you might as well cut your losses and find new friends.
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