Is obsessing over someone a bad thing?

In a word, yes. And I'll tell you why.

Obsessing over someone -- whether it's a new date or long-term partner -- denotes one thing: You probably wouldn't be completely happy without that person in your life. And that's a mistake.

Remember, your significant other doesn't complete your life. You complete it all on your own.

Instead, that person should serve to enhance your life. Their skills, interests, hobbies, values, and beliefs don't always have to fall in line with yours, but they should most certainly complement them. He or she should be your biggest ally, encouraging you to shoot for even your loftiest dreams.

But there's a marked difference between being someone's pillar of support and suffocating them entirely.

If you're overly possessive -- trying to control your partner's every move -- let's just say that the relationship is headed down the tubes. Even though you're in a relationship, you are both still two separate people.

Just because you love and enjoy being around one another doesn't mean you have to be attached at the hip. You need to give each other space; allow one another to miss each other so that you can more eagerly look forward to your next meeting and have more to talk about.

Most people would agree that a controlling and domineering partner is not long-term-relationship material. It's a total turnoff to receive continuous texts and calls from the person, let alone having them dictate your schedule.

Ironically, we're more drawn to others when they show they're comfortable in their own skin and have several things going for them that don't involve us. This is what makes us want to join them for the ride.

In short, show the other person you care, but don't send them running for the hills by trying to rule their lives. Being standoffish and flaky can wreck a relationship, but so too can being a control freak.

No comments: