How to Read People

If you feel you have to push someone to care about or show interest in you, you're probably wasting your time. When people genuinely care, they don't need any prodding -- they do things because it comes straight from the heart. People make time for and invest energy in the things and people that matter to them. For example, if you sense you have to cajole your boyfriend into committing to you -- even after being together for several years -- what does that say about his interest in taking things with you to the next level? It communicates that he just isn't that serious about your future together. Or suppose that your friend of 10 years seems to serve up a different excuse every time you propose meeting up for coffee. When getting her to say yes is like pulling teeth, that's when it's clear who's really invested and who isn't. We can drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out why a person would act this way, but it would only be an exercise in fu...

As Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu once warned, "Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner." Indeed, some people care so deeply about others' opinions of them that they allow those individuals to dictate the very decisions they make in their own lives -- whether it affects their love life, career, and so forth. For example, some people will not date a person unless they get the green light from their friends. Others will refrain from dressing a certain way, driving a specific car, or eating particular foods for fear that relatives will not approve. Worrying over what people say or think about you will only trap you mentally and emotionally, preventing you from reaching your full potential and living life to the fullest. And here's the truth: In most cases, these people aren't thinking of us at all! And even if they are, who's to say it isn't something positive? Perhaps they dig your new glasses even though you're c...

Relationships go down the road to ruin without a willingness on the part of both partners -- not just one -- to do the following six things: Invest time in the relationship Invest energy in the relationship  Communicate their concerns and address any areas where they feel there is room for improvement  Remain transparent  Love and trust one another  Be understanding rather than judgmental  A relationship is like a car in that it requires routine maintenance. What would happen if you were to stop changing the oil and rotating the tires? It would cease to work properly, right?  The same logic applies to a relationship.  And here's the thing: When a car starts giving you problems, you don't immediately go out and get a new one. Similarly, you shouldn't pull the plug on a relationship without making the effort to resolve whatever problems the two of you are facing. Ending a relationship prematurely would mean giving up on somethin...

I recently read an article in the magazine Psychology Today  that discusses a phenomenon in social perception called the Doppelgänger Bias .  For starters, a doppelgänger is a non-biologically related look-alike or double of a living person. In books and movies, it is sometimes portrayed as a ghostly or paranormal apparition and usually deemed a harbinger of bad luck. Our prior knowledge of a person -- whether he/she has treated you well or poorly -- determines how you act toward that individual in the future. But research suggests that a person's track record may also affect how you treat people who look like the person in question. In studies headed by Brown University neuroscientist Oriel FeldmanHall, participants played a money-sharing game with several "male partners" whose headshots appeared onscreen. (Players were lead to believe they were dealing with actual people, but the partners were virtual.) As the study participants played, they discovered these ...

True strength comes not from what you do, but from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't. Whether it's thinking that learning a new language is too difficult, that a better job is out of reach, or that leaving an abusive relationship is near impossible, we can overcome these mental roadblocks we set for ourselves by:  Believing in ourselves  Adopting a positive mindset  Working hard to reach our goal  Accepting that occasional setbacks are normal  Never giving up You can do anything you set your heart and mind to. It may not happen exactly when and how you want it to, but you must never lose hope if you wish to prevail.  And achieving success sometimes involves taking difficult steps, like reaching out to others for help, reworking our whole strategy if not starting all over from scratch, putting up with people who may try to get in our way, and sacrificing ample resources (whether mental, financial, or time-oriented).  ...