As I've stated in other posts, when it comes to the question of whether or not to have kids, I'm still on the fence. While I have moments where I envision myself being a good dad to a little girl, the realities of parenthood -- loss of sleep and freedom among them -- are rather off-putting.
I've noticed that ever since my best friend and many of my family members had kids, my relationships with them haven't been the same. That's understandable considering the extent to which children change one's life and how much of your time they take up.
However, I can't help but feel a smidgen of jealousy that the kids have "stolen" these people from my life. Not only does my friend have two kids, but he moved nearly 6 hours away from me for a job opportunity.
I've noticed that when my friend gets time away from his family and is able to call me, he lets loose like he used to back in his pre-marriage/pre-fatherhood days.(When his family is around, he has to play nice.) I almost get the sense that, deep inside, people like him miss having the freedom to go to the movies on a whim. They miss having the semblance of a social life.
Though most parents seem to have a hard time carving out time for friends, it seems they make occasional attempts to remain relevant in their child-free friends' lives. They might send an email or text, or give the friend a call, even if only for a few minutes.
When one party has kids and the other doesn't, both people will likely find themselves in different life stages. Their interests and priorities differ greatly. While the child-free long to be with the friends they've come to love, moms and dads have their hands full with everything being a parent entails.
One thing that disturbs me is when parents expect their child-free friends to be at their beck and call, simply because "they should have more time available since they're not parents." Child-free people could have a host of other responsibilities to tend to, whether it's a second job, volunteering, etc. I sometimes feel that my friend expects me to answer whenever he calls, yet he also demands I give him space when he's busy with the kids. Is that not a bit hypocritical?'
It seems many parents often make attempts to keep the friendship alive only for the sake of having some number left on their Rolodex -- perhaps in case they need someone to babysit the kid or on the off chance that they're able to get away from the spouse and child for a boys or girls night.
The child-free have no choice but to be very flexible with their mom and dad friends, and this isn't always easy. The former might feel as if they have to cater to the latter in order to secure a slot for an outing. Friends with no kids suddenly have to play second fiddle, which can be tough for those who grew accustomed to being a more central part of the other individual's life.
I guess it's up to the child-free to decide how watered-down a friendship they're willing to accept. If they have a low tolerance for the many changes that parenthood brings to friendships, the child-free might be better off focusing their energies on other child-free buddies.
What's your take on this?
.
I've noticed that ever since my best friend and many of my family members had kids, my relationships with them haven't been the same. That's understandable considering the extent to which children change one's life and how much of your time they take up.
However, I can't help but feel a smidgen of jealousy that the kids have "stolen" these people from my life. Not only does my friend have two kids, but he moved nearly 6 hours away from me for a job opportunity.
I've noticed that when my friend gets time away from his family and is able to call me, he lets loose like he used to back in his pre-marriage/pre-fatherhood days.(When his family is around, he has to play nice.) I almost get the sense that, deep inside, people like him miss having the freedom to go to the movies on a whim. They miss having the semblance of a social life.
Though most parents seem to have a hard time carving out time for friends, it seems they make occasional attempts to remain relevant in their child-free friends' lives. They might send an email or text, or give the friend a call, even if only for a few minutes.
When one party has kids and the other doesn't, both people will likely find themselves in different life stages. Their interests and priorities differ greatly. While the child-free long to be with the friends they've come to love, moms and dads have their hands full with everything being a parent entails.
One thing that disturbs me is when parents expect their child-free friends to be at their beck and call, simply because "they should have more time available since they're not parents." Child-free people could have a host of other responsibilities to tend to, whether it's a second job, volunteering, etc. I sometimes feel that my friend expects me to answer whenever he calls, yet he also demands I give him space when he's busy with the kids. Is that not a bit hypocritical?'
It seems many parents often make attempts to keep the friendship alive only for the sake of having some number left on their Rolodex -- perhaps in case they need someone to babysit the kid or on the off chance that they're able to get away from the spouse and child for a boys or girls night.
The child-free have no choice but to be very flexible with their mom and dad friends, and this isn't always easy. The former might feel as if they have to cater to the latter in order to secure a slot for an outing. Friends with no kids suddenly have to play second fiddle, which can be tough for those who grew accustomed to being a more central part of the other individual's life.
I guess it's up to the child-free to decide how watered-down a friendship they're willing to accept. If they have a low tolerance for the many changes that parenthood brings to friendships, the child-free might be better off focusing their energies on other child-free buddies.
What's your take on this?
.
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