Friendships should be about give and take

Have you stopped a second to assess the friendships in your life?

Would you call them friendships where there is give and take, or are they mostly one-sided?

Do you only seem to hear from the person when he needs a favor, or does he sometimes call out of the blue just to see how you're doing?

I saw a video yesterday in which friends were challenged to guess what the other person sought to get out of the friendship. Some cited emotional support while others mentioned having someone with which to cultivate similar interests.

It's an interesting question to say the least -- one that I've never pondered myself: What are one's needs in a friendship?

Those needs, of course, are likely to shift over time. You may become friends with someone in your English class after pairing up for a project and continue being study buddies for the remainder of the semester. After the class ends, your needs are no longer about helping each other in an effort to get a good grade. Now you might suddenly become gym buddies, club hoppers, or go fishing together every other Friday. Then, when one of you enters another important stage in your life (marriage, children, house hunting), the other will be leaned upon for advice and support.

To be sure, this is a very simplistic example, but my point is that friendships evolve over time -- as do the needs of the people in them.

It's important to be cognizant of how much giving and taking there is in your friendship. If you are taking too much, you're at risk of being labeled a user. If you're giving too much, there's the potential for being taken advantage of.

Striking the right balance isn't easy, but when you and your friend are able to do so, it signals that the friendship is on firm ground.

Please share your experiences below!

Comments

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

An important note to women about men and attraction

I was raised by my mom, grandma, and two older sisters. Growing up, never did I ever take any interest in the girls at school who tended toward exposing more skin. I always treated them as I would my female family members -- with the utmost courtesy and respect. And anytime I suspected that a male friend or acquaintance of mine adopted a hump-and-dump attitude toward women, I nixed them from my life. I held men who treated women as objects in very low regard, and still do to this day. If women feel empowered to show off their bodies because they love and work hard on their physique, more power to them. In other words, if they're doing it to please THEMSELVES and no one else, good for them. However, those who do it specifically to curry men's favor are making a big mistake. It sends the wrong signals and actually makes it less likely that a man will want to stick around for a committed relationship (if that's what you want as anyway). Granted, if you're not lookin...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog