Do single friends distance themselves from married ones, or vice-versa?

They say that many people who enter relationships or get married soon forget their friends exist.

If this the rule, I am most definitely the exception. I'm married now, but even when my now-wife and I were dating, we would extend invitations to close friends to go with us to the movies, restaurants, and other places of interest.

Even after being married for six months, I continue making an effort to schedule outings with friends. Ironically, some of them seem less interested in hanging out now that I'm married.

Wait a second. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? I thought married folks were the ones who suddenly became too busy for friends?

Well, it goes to show you that in the realm of friendships, nothing is that clear-cut. I've always made a conscious effort to reserve time in my schedule for my friends. But I sense that once you get married, single friends assume you're busier and are reluctant to "impose" by proposing an outing. They may be thinking that now it would require sign-off from the friend and the spouse, so they don't bother.

Some friends might also prefer to give you your space and seek different pursuits with other single friends. They are likely to assume that you're no longer interested in doing things you would do together before the wedding (go drinking, hit the gym, go on road trips, etc.)

If you sense your friend being aloof post- wedding, have a talk with him or her. Let your buddy know you can still carve out time in your schedule -- albeit not as much -- for the two of you to hang out. If your friend doesn't seem enthused, it's up to you to assess whether it's time to kiss the friendship goodbye.

Comments

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

The 1 good thing cheaters do for us

Nothing good could come of a relationship marred by infidelity, right? The heartache, the shock, the feeling of one's trust being violated. In the short-term, being cheated on can turn one's world upside down. But eventually, there may be a light awaiting the cheated at the end of the tunnel. If you really think about it, cheaters end up doing us a huge favor. In their selfishness and disloyalty, they end up showing us that we deserve better. If you're so unfortunate as to be a victim of such acts of betrayal, you can only hope the cheater is considerate enough to own up to their missteps. But we all know full well that, in many cases, the cheater is either caught in the act or leaves behind a trail of hints that ultimately culminates in their undoing. The more classy thing to do is to discuss their feelings openly with their partner before straying. If all talks lead to an impasse or a further escalation of tensions, both parties should take it as a ...

Search This Blog