How changing for others can be a huge mistake

Everyone strives to be liked by all whom they come across -- co-workers, friends, acquaintances.

But what good is gaining someone's favor if it means changing who you are?

Let's face it: There will always be something about you that someone is going to be displeased about, whether it's your gift for gab or penchant for quietness, your insistence on not drinking or your passion for the environment.

Indeed, certain interests or personality traits may put you at odds with some people because they may not be, dare I say, mainstream?

For example, almost all my sports-loving friends are football fanatics. I've never been big on pigskin, but I have been drawn to baseball from an early age.

I happen to think baseball is exciting, but most of my friends would beg to differ, always questioning how I can get into such a "dull" game.

You may have found yourself in a similar situation when it comes to your political views, religious beliefs, or quiet demeanor.

What I've come to realize is that peer pressure wasn't just a thing of those bygone high school days.

Even adults get into the act when they perceive someone as not conforming to the group's social norms.

So here's my question to you:

Would you prefer to be disliked for your most genuine self (assuming "genuine self" means treating others with respect, being true to your values) or being loved for the kind of person others want you to be (faking that you love sports, drinking, or conservative politics when that isn't who you are)?

If you have to go to such lengths to be admired, you're in the wrong crowd.

I understand being flexible on some occasions, e.g., trying out new activities that may not necessarily pique your interest at first.

But if you feel pressured to do things that make you come out of your comfort zone a bit too much for fear of losing someone's approve, you're doing yourself a disservice.

The people worth being around would never put you in such a tight spot. They would respect the differences between you, seeing them as opportunities to learn new ways of seeing the world.

Sadly, though, not everyone has a knack for tolerance. They see things in black and white and are made uneasy by folks whose thinking and customs don't align neatly with theirs.

While we all evolve as we get older, our fundamental character traits remain fairly static.

Instead of apologizing for the things that make you unique, you should embrace them without reserve.

Why be less like you and more like others?

Individuality is one of the most powerful levers we have at our disposal. Don't look back on your life wishing you had been more comfortable in your own skin, more secure in your God-given gifts and talents.

Dare to be different. Dare to exude originality, even if some people dislike you for it. The only person's approval you need is your own, as no one else has the authority to judge.

If you go the opposite route, you'll be left feeling a void in your heart -- as if you've betrayed yourself.

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

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