Maybe you've compared your physique to that of Dwayne Johnson, your hair to that of Scarlett Johansson, or your zany sense of humor to that of Chris Rock.
As long as you're not trying to be these people -- recognizing that while you can get inspiration from them, you're your own person -- I see no problem with it.
After all, we can respect and admire the Hollywood elite without necessarily aping their mannerisms, buying all the products they endorse, and longing to be in their very shoes.
However, when it comes to a relationship, you're dealing with someone you presumably love and trust, and who loves and trusts you. Someone who values you for who you are.
These are the kinds of comparisons that will not only land you in water, but possibly put the relationship in serious jeopardy:
1. Comparing your partner to your ex, or someone you feel they should aspire to look or be more like.
Your ex boyfriend was always so romantic, buying you flowers and candy on any random day. Yet, your current partner only goes to such lengths for your birthday and Valentine's Day, if that.
"Why couldn't you be more organized like Walter?" you ask your boyfriend Josh.
"Linda wasn't always lying behind my back!" you thunder in a heated argument with Beth, your fiance.
Not only can such comparisons be hurtful, but they may leave your significant other feeling as though they're inadequate and could never stack up with your ex.
It's no less cutting when the person you're comparing them to is a bombshell actress or handsome neighbor.
2. Comparing your partner to you.
If we could custom-make a partner to our exact specifications -- checking off each and every attribute, physical and personality-wise, that we'd love them to have -- we might ask well date a robot!
When you buy a car, unless you have deep pockets, you're probably not going to get every single feature you want (e.g., a sunroof) because doing so can jack up the price considerably.
Similarly, you might not get someone who's as fitness-oriented or adventurous as you, but other traits -- whether a great sense of humor or hard work ethic -- should more than compensate.
When you're drawn to someone and genuinely want the relationship to work, you don't get hung up on the superficial stuff. You also come to terms with the fact that every person will come with their fair share of flaws, just as you have your own.
If having a pet lover or vegan for a partner is that important to you, it's imperative you let it be known when you're getting to know the person. That way, you don't waste neither their time nor yours.
Pushing your partner to mind their physique, follow sports, or save money like you do is a recipe for disaster. Well-meaning suggestions are sure to be received far more favorably.
Comparing your partner to you will only put them on the defensive. Indeed, they will question whether you want to be with them, or in a relationship with yourself.
As I've stressed in various posts, if there's something you do not want to expect in others, it's for them to think, act, and enjoy the same things as you do.
Instead of comparing your partner to other people when you're stressed or aggrieved, try to focus on the good things they bring to the relationship -- ones that may very well help you come out of that funk.
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