Excuses (not reasons) people give for cheating

A study published just this year reveals many of the motives people give for cheating on their partner.

And though they may claim that they were justified in their decision to do so, nothing they can see can give them a free pass because cheating is wrong in every sense of the word.

1. Falling out of love: Over three quarters (77%) of participants indicated that a lack of love for their partner and/or greater love for someone else prompted them to stray.

2. Seeking variety: Nearly 75% of respondents cited boredom in their relationship as a factor that drove them to cheat. More men tied variety-seeking to their infidelity than did women.

3. Feeling neglected: Participants (70%) revealed that their partner's lack of attention ultimately led to their wandering eye. This reason was offered by more women than men.

4. Situational factors: Roughly 70% of participants said their infidelity wasn't necessary premeditated and/or carried out due to discontent in the relationship. They said they were thrust into the situation because of situational forces they couldn't control or didn't expect (e.g., one or both people having one too many drinks).

5. To enhance self-esteem: More than half of participants (57%) noted that boosting their ego and self-esteem served as a motive for their disloyalty.

6. Driven by anger: Though not one of the most common reasons given, over 40% of respondents used their act of infidelity as a way of exacting revenge on their partner.

7. Lacking commitment: Similar to lacking love, over 40% of participants indicated that they didn't feel committed enough to their partner to remain loyal to them.

So there you have it.

When I review the excuses -- not reasons -- these participants gave, I become quite unsettled.

I think many of them, including variety/desire, feeling neglected, falling out of love, and a lack of commitment could be addressed with an honest conversation.

If the other person really cares, they'll commit themselves to working toward righting the ship. If, however, it all goes in one ear and out the other, the disenchanted partner has every right to walk.

But cheating should never be the answer!

How many of these cheaters actually tried to engage their partner in conversation before opting to stray? My guess is, few.

Why?

Because people are selfish, wanting the cake and wanting to eat it too.

It goes without saying that using payback or an ego boost as a reason for cheating is utterly despicable. And casting blame on factors they deemed as outside their control (e.g. drinking or stress) won't cut it.

If some people can exercise the willpower to remain loyal to one or more partners for their entire lives, everyone can.

Open communication is essential to the survival of any and all relationships.

Those who think they can cheat and get away with it are gravely mistaken. What goes around comes around.

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