But, in my view, those who say looks don't matter at all are flat-out kidding themselves.
Yes, looks should never be the thrust of any relationship. The glue that holds two people together is a deep, emotional connection.
But the fact of the matter is that, for better or worse, the first thing our eyes go to is one's physical appearance.
Allow me to pose a few pointed questions:
- Would you want to date someone who weighs 700 pounds?
- Would you hire the job candidate who shows up to the job interview unshaven and in bedraggled clothing?
- Would you set your daughter up with a kid sporting a shirt that says, "I'm your next one night stand"?
If you answered "no" to any of the above, you care about looks and first impressions to a certain degree. The truth is that we all do, even if some of us are reluctant to admit as much.
I realize that there does not always have to be a physical connection in order for two people to end up together.
For example, some couples were originally good friends whose feelings for each other grew beyond the platonic as they got to know one another better.
In such cases, their attraction toward the other person's personality and virtues trickled into the physical domain, though they wouldn't necessarily say that they now regard them as a "10." They just came to see the whole package as being too good to allow someone else to snatch up.
But this is the exception rather than the rule.
Generally, people are drawn to some physical aspect of a potential love interest, whether it be their eyes, smile, or body.
And even if your taste doesn't exactly align with what society says you should be attracted to (e.g., you like heavyset women or very short men), you're still judging people on account of their looks.
But this is the exception rather than the rule.
Generally, people are drawn to some physical aspect of a potential love interest, whether it be their eyes, smile, or body.
And even if your taste doesn't exactly align with what society says you should be attracted to (e.g., you like heavyset women or very short men), you're still judging people on account of their looks.
Now, do I think it's fair that studies have shown time and time again that attractive people are perceived as nicer and smarter?
Absolutely not. That's a prime example of people assigning far too much importance to one's outward appearance.
Unfortunately, a significant chunk of the population will always prioritize abs and a nice rear end over kindness, intelligence, and other intangible traits.
That's not to suggest that someone can't be physically beautiful and kind-hearted at the same time.
But if someone genuinely longs for a deep, long-lasting relationship, it can't all be about looks. Looks fade as we get older while wonderful qualities like integrity and compassion -- without which a relationship can't survive -- can endure over one's entire life.
In sum, it'd be remiss of us not to concede that we do judge books by their covers. However, even if we may not find them to be easy on the eyes, we shouldn't pass judgment on their character -- at least not until we get to know them.
Absolutely not. That's a prime example of people assigning far too much importance to one's outward appearance.
Unfortunately, a significant chunk of the population will always prioritize abs and a nice rear end over kindness, intelligence, and other intangible traits.
That's not to suggest that someone can't be physically beautiful and kind-hearted at the same time.
But if someone genuinely longs for a deep, long-lasting relationship, it can't all be about looks. Looks fade as we get older while wonderful qualities like integrity and compassion -- without which a relationship can't survive -- can endure over one's entire life.
In sum, it'd be remiss of us not to concede that we do judge books by their covers. However, even if we may not find them to be easy on the eyes, we shouldn't pass judgment on their character -- at least not until we get to know them.
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