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People aren't always who they seem

A co-worker recently intimated to me that she isn't big on befriending people at work.

When I asked her why, she said you never really know who you can trust. In her experience, sometimes the last people you would expect to stab you in the back are the ones who do.

I couldn't refute what she was saying because I have experienced it myself.

Some people pretend to be nice -- to like you, to be your friend -- but when the opportunity arises, they sell you out without blinking, wholly inconsiderate of your feelings.

Does this mean we should be cynical with everyone we come across?

Of course not.

What it means is that you shouldn't confide in them until you know for sure that they're trustworthy, and that includes:

  • Not divulging information about your relationships, finances, or other personal matters that they can then use against you if things go sour.
  • Not doing favors for them (at least not constantly) before you know whether they've got your back as well. Otherwise, they'll grow accustomed to you bending over backwards.
Many people are against making "friends" at work -- seeing each other outside of work, becoming Facebook pals -- because if things go awry in your personal relationship, it could make for a rather awkward work relationship. Bickering and giving each other the stink eye may become commonplace.

It's for this reason that many coworkers aren't inclined toward dating each other either -- at least not until one of them leaves the company or department.

As I've noted in other posts, some people are highly opportunistic. They gauge how others can be of some benefit to them and get in their good graces until the day comes when they no longer need them.

They're not interested in being friends. They simply pretend to because it can help them land a promotion, a date with the person's friend, or who knows what else.

So how do you know someone genuinely wants you in their life for unselfish reasons?

You'll know for sure when the chips are down and they still wish to stick around.

When they wish to support you even when there's nothing in it for them, that's a true keeper.

Be wary of the people around you until your gut tells you that they mean no harm.

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