People aren't always who they seem

A co-worker recently intimated to me that she isn't big on befriending people at work.

When I asked her why, she said you never really know who you can trust. In her experience, sometimes the last people you would expect to stab you in the back are the ones who do.

I couldn't refute what she was saying because I have experienced it myself.

Some people pretend to be nice -- to like you, to be your friend -- but when the opportunity arises, they sell you out without blinking, wholly inconsiderate of your feelings.

Does this mean we should be cynical with everyone we come across?

Of course not.

What it means is that you shouldn't confide in them until you know for sure that they're trustworthy, and that includes:

Not divulging information about your relationships, finances, or other personal matters that they can then use against you if things go sour.

Not doing favors for them (at least not constantly) before you know whether they've got your back as well. Otherwise, they'll grow accustomed to you bending over backwards.

Many people are against making "friends" at work -- seeing each other outside of work, becoming Facebook pals -- because if things go awry in your personal relationship, it could make for a rather awkward work relationship. Bickering and giving each other the stink eye may become commonplace.

It's for this reason that many coworkers aren't inclined toward dating each other either -- at least not until one of them leaves the company or department.

As I've noted in other posts, some people are highly opportunistic. They gauge how others can be of some benefit to them and get in their good graces until the day comes when they no longer need them.

They're not interested in being friends. They simply pretend to because it can help them land a promotion, a date with the person's friend, or who knows what else.

So how do you know someone genuinely wants you in their life for unselfish reasons?

You'll know for sure when the chips are down and they still wish to stick around.

When they wish to support you even when there's nothing in it for them, that's a true keeper.

Be wary of the people around you until your gut tells you that they mean no harm.

Comments

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog