Trying to "fix" other people is useless

Entering into a relationship with the intention of changing or fixing someone is a surefire recipe for disaster.

For starters, while it's possible that your influence will help change someone for the better, there are never any guarantees.

And even if they do make progress, who's to say they can't revert to their old ways?

It isn't your responsibility to resolve all their problems for them. You can lend a helping hand, sure, but you should never carry their burdens on your shoulders.

One thing is to feel compelled to help someone you're married to or have been with for many years, and another is to start a relationship with someone who has issues -- whether financial or emotional -- from the outset and expects you to rescue them.

I've heard stories of women who have resolved to change a so-called bad boy into a nice guy and seen their efforts bear little fruit. Sooner or later, it becomes apparent that the guy is unable to turn the corner in his life, even with the positive impact you've made in it.

I've also seen cases where men meet a beautiful woman who comes with her own unique set of issues -- whether it's baggage from a prior relationship or a penchant for gold digging -- and they set out to help turn her into a "better woman." Needless to say, things have ended badly.

What many people fail to understand is that change has to be of one's own accord. You may nobly want to help someone come out of a rough patch in their life (e.g., alcoholism, joblessness, or bankruptcy), but if they're not motivated to change and get back up on their own two feet, your efforts will prove futile.

The point of getting into a relationship is not to resolve someone's problems -- no matter how good looking, charming, or nice the person may be. After all, you have problems of your own to grapple with.

People should enter into relationships to enhance -- not complete -- each other's lives. They should love their lives -- not because of their partner, but despite him or her. Metaphorically speaking, a partner should be icing on an already-tasty cake rather than a panacea for a person's everyday struggles.

If a person is dealing with a bevy of unresolved issues, they should certainly work on them before bringing a new person into their life. It's okay to concede you're not ready for a relationship rather than rush into one when you're not ready.

At the end of the day, we are responsible for our own happiness, and the onus is on us to fix our problems.

Comments

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