Skip to main content

Don't want to feel lonely? Read this...

As ironic as it may sound, sometimes the surest way to feeling lonely is by being around others.

The late and great Robin Williams once said:

"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." 

Indeed, while all of us have friends and family members who can certainly help cure our loneliness, there are other people we come across who only serve to exacerbate the problem. That could be a neighbor who always cracks jokes at your expense, siblings who talk to each other at family events but always seem to leave you out in the cold, acquaintances who seem to click with everyone in the room but you, and so forth.

The chief problem is that we shouldn't depend on others to help us overcome our loneliness in the first place. That's setting yourself up for disappointment, as there will always be times where people will not be able to come to your aid.

While there's nothing wrong in seeking the company of others -- a partner, a friend, a coworker -- some people can't bear the thought of being by themselves, which I find alarming.

There are so many solitary activities one can enjoy on their own, from reading and writing to listening to music and watching movies. What's more, sometimes we just need to retreat from the hustle and bustle of the outside world and be alone with our thoughts.

I've actually experienced what Robin Williams describes in his quote -- countless times. I have been to parties and family get-togethers where I either don't know a soul or everyone seems to be talking about things I just can't relate to. I feel lonelier in such a situation -- surrounding by many people in a noisy environment -- than at home by myself quietly reading a good book.

At least when you're by yourself, you can give yourself undivided attention. At a party, you might give your attention to someone else, only to have him or her not respond in kind.

Moreover, people needn't confuse being alone with being lonely. Being alone is something you may do deliberately -- to get fresh air, grieve over a loss, recharge after a hard day at work -- whereas loneliness is usually an unpleasant state people wish to break out of. In essence, being alone doesn't necessarily mean one is lonely.

I hope reading this post has made one thing clear: Depending on people won't always cure loneliness; if anything, it can worsen the problem. Before picking up the phone to call a friend or relative, spend some time alone doing something you love or have wanted to learn how to do, like shooting hoops in the backyard or playing the guitar. Don't underestimate the positive impact that spending time by yourself can have on you. You may find you enjoy it as much -- if not more so -- than being around other people.

Comments

Unknown said…
this is so painfully true, we must adapt & move on

Popular posts from this blog

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually.  Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker.  Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar.  When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is  still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n

Misconceptions about quiet people

Earlier today, I came across a Facebook page that features motivational quotes intended to improve people's moods and enhance their overall self-esteem. Interestingly, I noticed two quotes that focus specifically on quiet people: "Be afraid of quiet people; they're the ones who actually think." "The quietest people have the loudest minds." I've observed that most people's views of quiet individuals can fall under one of two categories: 1. The ones who say quiet people are antisocial, suspicious, snobbish, and/or full of themselves. 2. The people who say their introspective nature and propensity to be deep in thought makes them smarter than their more garrulous peers. The quotes above speak to this mindset. As an introvert known to be quiet at work and at social functions where I might not know anyone, I feel I'm well positioned to dispel any inaccuracies surrounding quiet folks. First of all, the above statements misguidedly put