Skip to main content

We often feel lonelier with others than by ourselves

There's a saying that says, "It's better to be alone than in bad company," and I agree wholeheartedly.

How many times have you gone out with a group of people, only to feel completely isolated from everyone else? It could be that you don't know anyone that well, or simply don't share the same interests.

I tend to feel as such when I'm:

  • The only non-drinker in the group
  • The only person who doesn't have kids
  • The only person within my age group
  • The only male in the group
Unfortunately, people tend to act differently when they're around certain people, and I have documented this in earlier posts. For example, let's say there's a person in the group whom you'd genuinely like to meet. You notice that he is all by his lonesome, staring off into space, and you decide to chat him up. All goes well, and you've found yourself a new friend.

Now, imagine that instead of being all alone, he had been carousing and cavorting with his best friend, the two of them acting like liquored up clowns. Do you think the outcome would have been the same? I sincerely doubt it!

At least when you're all alone, you give yourself undivided attention. Whether you're reading, writing, watching TV, or listening to music, you're in your own mental world -- one that no one else can occupy unless YOU give them permission to. If there's one thing that's wonderful about life and being a human being, is that our thoughts are ours and ours alone. 

I staunchly believe that we have to love ourselves before we can love anyone else. There's no one on whom we can rely more than ourselves. Yes, you can still let yourself down. Yes, you can still make irresponsible and regrettable decisions. But it's much easier to be an agent of change in your life than in the lives of others. As much as you can try to get people to change their ways, they seldom will.

I want you to take a second to look in the mirror or glance at a picture of yourself. The person you're looking at is your friend for life. He or she is the only person who came with you into this world, and will be the only one with you when you pass on. 

Whenever you feel pangs of low self-esteem or depression, look within yourself and reflect on all the wonderful things you've achieved thus far in your life. Coach yourself through life's toughest challenges. 

I'm of the belief that we don't need other people to feel happy with ourselves. Others should only enhance our lives. The secret to achieving happiness lies with you -- not with friends, lovers, or family. We are the keys to unlocking true fulfillment. 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is  still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...
6 comments
Read more

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it?  After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...
6 comments
Read more

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually.  Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker.  Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar.  When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...
Post a Comment
Read more