There's a principle in psychology called the fundamental attribution error. Essentially, it means that people cite dispositional rather than situational factors when attempting to understand someone's behavior.
For example, you may get to work late twice in the same week because of car trouble. However, your boss may not buy it and regard you as irresponsible.
I'll give you another example that hits closer to home. My wife has a stressful job and comes home feeling drained every day. Because of this, she has a tendency to fall asleep early, which perturbs a sworn night owl like myself. Once it begins happening too often -- say, three or four nights in a row -- I find myself pointing the finger at her for not doing more to prevent it from happening.
As you can see, with the fundamental attribution error, we blame the person -- her personality, tendencies, and so on -- rather than external factors like someone's workload.
Before you cast blame on your friend or partner for something that's upsetting you, do your due diligence. Don't be so quick to dismiss her explanations as excuses. If you do find that the person is simply being careless or irresponsible, a heart-to-heart is in order!
For example, you may get to work late twice in the same week because of car trouble. However, your boss may not buy it and regard you as irresponsible.
I'll give you another example that hits closer to home. My wife has a stressful job and comes home feeling drained every day. Because of this, she has a tendency to fall asleep early, which perturbs a sworn night owl like myself. Once it begins happening too often -- say, three or four nights in a row -- I find myself pointing the finger at her for not doing more to prevent it from happening.
As you can see, with the fundamental attribution error, we blame the person -- her personality, tendencies, and so on -- rather than external factors like someone's workload.
Before you cast blame on your friend or partner for something that's upsetting you, do your due diligence. Don't be so quick to dismiss her explanations as excuses. If you do find that the person is simply being careless or irresponsible, a heart-to-heart is in order!
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