Don't let a failed relationship kill your happiness

In the last couple of months, a few of my readers have reached out to me seeking advice on how to cope with the fact that a relationship that once held great promise has imploded completely.

They imagined themselves spending their entire lives with their partner, so coming to terms with the harsh reality that the individual didn't turn out as they expected and is no longer around has been immensely difficult.

They feel anxious, depressed, and lost. Despite the fact that they realize the person isn't right for them (as much as they wish they were), and that going their separate ways is for the best, a part of them clings to the hope that they can patch things up.

This prompts them to reach out to their ex against their better instincts. They keep looking for a sign -- one moment, one conversation -- to convince them that things are on the mend.

Alas, that sign never seems to come.

The more they talk, the more my readers seem to argue with their ex, and the deeper the sadness they feel.

I don't encourage them to merely let their ex go and move on. Yes, ultimately, that is the end goal, but those of us who have grappled with painful breakups know it doesn't happen overnight.

Getting over someone is a process -- a deeply emotional one at that. Grieving the end of a relationship can in fact feel like mourning the loss of a loved one. In this case, it's a relationship that perished earlier than anticipated.

But those in this situation who did all they could to ameliorate the relationship should never blame themselves. As I've stressed in prior posts, it takes the time, energy, and commitment of two people for a relationship to thrive in good times and survive in bad ones.

If you happen to be the one at fault (e.g., you cheated or took your partner for granted), use it as a learning experience. Barraging your ex with texts and calls isn't the way to go. Give them as much space as they need, and if they ask you to leave them alone, the least you can do is respect their wishes.

Just because you concede that a relationship is dead in the water doesn't mean you have give up on it.

It just means you have the wisdom to know that there's no hope, and that rather than spending more time on and shedding more tears for a relationship that no longer has life, you can go out and do something that makes you happy -- whether it be eating your favorite meal, spending time with your closest friends, or meeting the right person for you.

Don't allow a broken relationship break you. Reach out to loved ones for support. Turn to hobbies and work for distraction. Get sufficient sleep and good exercise.

A relationship doesn't define you. What does define you is what lies beneath.

And, remember, you can contact me via Facebook for advice as so many of your fellow readers have. (Due to high demand, please allow 24 hours for a response.)

You deserve to be happy. Don't allow anyone -- including an ex -- to rob of you of that right.

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