How To Understand People

Happiness in life really starts with you . The second you begin comparing yourself to other people or concerning yourself with how they think of you, you may become despondent, envious, and even depressed. So I'm here to give you a piece of advice I'd like you to remember for the rest of your life. Ready for this? Here goes... Do not compare yourself to others . Do not worry about what others think of you. And, more importantly, do not rely on anyone else but yourself to be happy in this world! Yes, our partners, family, kids, and friends all enhance our lives. But if we're not happy with our lives to begin with, there's little others in our immediate social circle can do to augment them. It bothers me to no end when people rely on the approval of others in order to feel comfortable within their own skin. So what if you don't follow the herd all the time? Your thoughts, feelings, personality, and preferences count for something, don't they? If yo...

As a kid growing up, I distinctly remember friends and family being all gung-ho about going to the movies. Some of us made it a weekly ritual -- in fact, we would catch one (if not two) showings each week. These days, it seems the fervor over cinema has died down quite a bit. Yes, production companies are still raking in massive profits at the box office, but it just doesn't seem like people -- at least those in my immediate social circle -- are as interested in making the trek to the movie theater on the weekends. Is it the same for you? There are several reasons for this: First, the cost of movie tickets continues to skyrocket. AMC Theatres locations in my city charge a whopping $22 for a pair of tickets to an evening showing. That doesn't even include snacks or popcorn! Second, enter streaming content. We all use or have heard of content providers like Netflix, Amazon, and Hulu. These companies provide a cheaper way to watch movies -- and from the comfort of your hom...

We can all say that our friendships have evolved considerably with the passage of time. Gone seem the days when you and your buddies could plan an outing at the bar or mall at a moment's notice. While we can partly attribute the changes to shifting responsibilities like work and children, there's yet another factor to take into account: technology. Technology is truly a double-edged sword. While it has made it easier to keep in touch with friends (via email, text, social media, etc), that very convenience has made such friendships much more impersonal. We're now living in an age where it's acceptable to wish someone a Happy Birthday via text or congratulate him on Facebook for his promotion. But we mustn't forget that just a few decades ago, we didn't have all this technology at our disposal, leaving us with only three alternatives: phone, letters, or meeting up in person. Again, while I can certainly see the pluses to digital communication, I think some...

Women spend countless hours at the gym and untold amounts of money on special diets in an effort to lose weight -- just so that they can look more attractive to men. But here's a secret men won't admit to: Many of them actually like heavier women! I know men have different tastes when it comes to women, but many of the ones I've talked to have said the following: They wouldn't mind dating someone who is a tad chubby/few extra pounds Even if their girlfriends of wives were to gain some weight, they would not pressure them to lose the weight, or at least right away I feel many men are afraid to come out and say this openly because they feel society will scorn them for it. Men are supposed to like thin models like the ones you see in the magazines, or so they've been brainwashed into thinking. They fear their friends will make fun of them for "settling for less." Here's my message to these men: I actually prefer heavier women myself, and I...

Some people are driven solely by the prospect of making tons of money, while others care more about doing something that leaves them feeling like they've made a difference in the world, even if it pays poorly. We tend to picture entrepreneurs in the former group and people who work for charitable organizations in the latter. Finding jobs that are both fulfilling and offer great salaries are out there, but aren't always easy to find. Take education, for instance. I think we would all agree that teachers are mostly passionate about their jobs, but deserve to be paid far better. I knew from an early age that writing was my calling and I was intent on working in a field or job that, in some capacity, allowed me to write and handle verbage -- whether as a writer, editor, or proofreader. Is it the best-paying career in the world? Far from it. Do I picture myself doing anything else? Nope. We need to strike a balance between finding something we enjoy doing and work that will al...

Last night, I submittted a post that centered on the fact that many people feel uneasy in overly quiet settings. I wanted to take that very concept and focus now on silence experienced while in the presence of someone else. There's something about quiet people that makes some of us uncomfortable. Some people feel that quiet people are as such because they "must be hiding something." Others liken the tight-lipped with serial killers and mass murderers who carry out horrific crimes. Still others just can't wrap their heads around why someone could be so reticent and presume them to be stuck-up or overly self-absorbed. (If you're a quiet person yourself, you've likely been in this situation before.) This topic hits close to home because I have been a fairly quiet person my whole life (except through my writing). When I was a kid, my peers described me as weird and often teased me just to elicit some sort of reaction in me. When I finished high school and en...

I've had several people -- within the last month, actually -- tell me that being somewhere in utter silence makes them uneasy. It doesn't matter whether they're lying in bed, sitting in their car, or studying in the library. Some people can't stand complete silence, and it isn't long before they feel compelled to reach for their phone, a TV remote, or their cell phone to break the quietness. Frankly, this has me rather baffled to say the least. After being assaulted by the chatter of nosy co-workers all day at work, driving home with the radio off offers a welcome reprieve, as does holing up in a quiet room at home. Here are a few reasons people give for their aversion to overly quiet environments: They "hate to hear themselves think" When it's too quiet, they feel lonely They get bored They're just not used to that much silence Personally, being in a quiet setting helps me regain my energy. Too much noise and commotion stress me out, ...

This answer will differ depending on who you ask. People have varying sex drives that are affected by everything from one's energy and stress levels to other responsibilities in our lives, including work, chores, and children. We've all heard stories where one person in the relationship wants sex much more frequently than the other, causing an imbalance that eventually incites feelings of resentment in the former. How often a couple has sex depends largely on where it is put on their priority list. I think those who make a concerted effort to have sex, say, once or twice a week, can carve out a few minutes weekly to do so. But sometimes life gets in the way of even the most carefully laid-out plans, and couples have no choice but to leave it for another day. I think sex isn't the most important facet of a marriage or relationship. After all, as we get older, our relationship or marriage becomes less about passionate sex and more about companionship. Still, sex mat...

In the battle between paper and plastic, paper is the undisputed winner. Consumer psychologists have found that people are less likely to splurge when they only use cash. And this makes perfect sense. It's always easier to limit yourself to a predetermined amount when using dollar bills. Once you run out of them, you have no choice but to run to the ATM for more. In the case of credit cards, we can have a credit limit of, say, $8,000, a fact not lost on us when we're at the mall. Thus, we feel less predisposed to put the brakes on our purchases when we know we can just swipe the card countless times. Using cash also "stings" more because you actually feel like you're losing something. You can open your wallet or purse and see that your hard-earned cash is no longer there. With credit cards, you can postpone feeling the sting until you receive your bill in the mail, which is what the vast majority of consumers would rather do. Let's not forget that ca...

Remember the days when people could turn on the TV and find MTV playing music videos, the History Channel offering history-based programming, and the Discovery Channel airing science-oriented shows? It seems those days are long gone. Networks have greatly deviated from their original programming in favor of reality shows that pit washed-up celebrities against each other, feature strangers attempting to co-exist in an abandoned setting for an extended period of time, and -- get this -- follow people as they go on dates in the nude. If you're wondering why these shows have become the rage, there's a simple answer for that: they generate high ratings, which means that advertisers demand that their commercials be sandwiched between them. In other words, it's where the money is at, so networks refuse to cease producing them. An even bigger question, I think, is why people seem so interested in shows like "Keeping up with the Kardashians," "The Real Housewive...

This one will require some serious thought, so hold on to your pants, folks: If you were stranded on an island with no one other than a fairly attractive member of the opposite sex as a result of an unfortunate plane crash and were aware that the chances of you both ever getting off the island were slim to none, do you think you might eventually become physically and emotionally intimate with that person? The scenario described above is reminiscent of the movie "Cast Away" featuring Tom Hanks, except that in this case the chances of ever making it back home are virtually nil. I know that this is a tough one, especially for those who have a spouse and children. Note that we're assuming the following: Friends and family haven't heard from you in a while, and many have assumed you've died You have no access to phones, and there's no way of reaching out to anyone else on the island You and the other person have enough food and water to tide you over f...

Hands down, my favorite day -- or should I say time -- of the week starts the moment I leave work Friday and ends the second I fall asleep Saturday night. We eagerly await Fridays because they not only mark the end of the work week, but they precede two off days that will afford us at least a little bit of time to relax and spend time with friends and family. Saturdays are great, but I don't look forward to them as much as I do Fridays, probably because I see it as "the day that comes before the day before we have to go back to work." And let's not even talk about Sundays; I tend to dread them almost as deeply as I do Mondays. As I've noted in other posts, sometimes the anticipation that builds over time is more exciting than actually experiencing something. That's probably why so many people say the most enjoyable part of a road trip is the drive to one's destination rather than the destination itself. I suppose it ties into "wanting what you c...

Some people like Toyota Corollas, while others will settle for nothing "less" than a BMW. Some people can do with a Casio watch, while others swear by more high-end brands like Movado. Some people must have a "10" for a partner; others are perfectly content with a "4"  as long as the person has a great personality. People often use words like "simple," "non-materialistic" and "low-maintenance" to describe me. As I've stated in earlier posts, I'm almost completely impervious to the avalanche of advertising appeals that most people fall prey to. (It also helped that I majored in marketing and minored in psychology.) I'm not saying it's bad to splurge on an item here and there, but I've found that far too many consumers have no concept of what it's like to live within their means. An urge to splurge will suddenly come over them at the mall, leading them to rack up ever-increasing heaps of credit ca...

About a month or so ago, I created a post in which I asked readers who need advice to send me their questions, either by commenting on the post or via private message. I got a huge response, with several people asking for relationship- and career-related tips. Due to the overwhelming response, I wanted to submit another such post now welcoming all of you to reply to this post with any questions you may have or sending them in a private message (in case you'd like your story to remain anonymous). Don't be shy -- I'm all ears (or should I say, eyes) and excited at the opportunity to guide people through some of life's big challenges. Need advice or tips to help make your life better? Let me know and I'll be glad to help!

From what I've observed at work as well as on Facebook, there are three surefire ways to get people to like you more. I've dubbed this the "CIG Model" so that they're easier to remember: 1. Compliments: Let's face it: Everyone likes flattery, and this is an easy way to get on people's good side. Whether it's complimenting their shirt or their new car, people build positive feelings toward those who make them feel good. On Facebook, this is manifested in the form of a "like" or comment in response to a person's post. 2. Interest : When we show interest in people's lives, they become more interested in ours. If the posts I see on Facebook are any indication, people especially love to be asked questions about their kids. They also like when others express interest in their hobbies, where they do their shopping, and so on. 3. Giving stuff : It comes as no surprise that among the most highly regarded people in the office are those wh...

No matter what side of the political aisle you're on, you have to agree that the U.S. has attracted a diverse slate of presidential candidates in recent years. The 2008 Presidential Election saw the first ever African American elected to office in Barack Obama. In addition, though she and her running mate, John McCain, fell short of victory, Sarah Palin nearly became the first ever Vice President of the United States. Hillary Clinton failed to secure her party's nomination that year, but I think most of us knew she'd be back. Indeed, Clinton will get a shot at redemption in 2016, as she recently announced her candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination. Whether she'll nab her party's nomination and win the general election remains to be seen, but there's no denying she's become a household name in politics. In my view, a Hillary victory would empower women all around the world to shoot for even their loftiest goals -- whether it's to becom...

I may be in the minority here, but I aim to live as tranquil and simple a life as I possibly can. I remember reading about transcendentalists like Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson in school, both of whom stressed that true happiness lies only in simplicity and solitude. As I grew older, this resonated with me. While others around me have seemed perfectly fine living life on the fast lane, I've always been one to relish a slower-paced life -- one in which I can contemplate, absorb, and relish the moment. When it comes to reading, writing, and learning, I immerse myself in those subjects about which I am most passionate, including psychology and human behavior. If I feel as though I'm being rushed to absorb the material, I can become rather irascible. I realize that the world as we know it today does not exactly cater to people who favor a slower pace. Blue- and white-collar workers feel more pressed than ever to meet stringent deadlines. With all the responsib...

Jealousy in relationships can be a double-edged sword. For one, it conveys that you genuinely care enough about your partner to get bothered at seeing him, say, get friendly with the blonde bombshell who works at the local convenience store. On the other hand, jealousy can signal deep-seated insecurities and communicate that you're afraid your partner may bail on you for someone prettier, smarter, or more successful, for example. I think it's normal to become a little uneasy when we think about or see our partners talking to someone they might otherwise be interested in if they were single. But if we can put our full trust in that person, there should be nothing to worry about. Let's not be naive, folks: We're all human, and naturally we're going to find certain people of the opposite sex -- other than our partners -- attractive. But just because your boyfriend or husband might find her attractive and seems to enjoy conversing with her doesn't mean the...

Society has perpetuated this notion that you haven't really made it in life unless you've risen to the top of your field -- that in order to truly be respected by your peers, you have to become a business owner or president, vice president, or director of a company. To me, this is pure hogwash. Not everyone wishes to be in a senior level position in which they're tasked with making pivotal decisions for their department or for the company as a whole. Nor do most people feel drawn to the idea of running their own company. Why? For one, people have different personalities. Introverts tend to be drawn to behind-the-scenes, production-oriented positions where they can let their work do all the talking. Let's not forget that the higher you move up in the chain of command, the less specialized your job is likely to become. For example, instead of only handling, say, research and development, you'll now have to worry about budgeting and assume other responsibilitie...

In observing the couples in my immediate circle -- be it friends, family, or co-workers -- I've made an observation that research in the field of psychology, incidentally, backs up: People pair up with those who resemble them physically. I'm sure there are always exceptions to this rule (like one partner being a lot younger than the other) but, in general, it seems people like hooking up with others who are in their same league looks-wise. Let's take Hollywood. You'd be hard-pressed to find the likes of Heidi Klum and Giselle with short, overweight men. Ever seen Leonardo DiCaprio with anyone who isn't drop dead gorgeous? Me neither. If both seem at opposite ends of the attractiveness spectrum, however, it may be a rare instance in which: Something other than looks brought them together -- maybe they've been friends from an early age The more attractive person stands to gain something from the pairing (money, perhaps?) Looks were never a factor (e.g. ...

When we fall into a routine, we can become overly complacent. This works well for some people, but not so much for others. Forward-looking and always in search of ways to liven up my career and marriage, I fall within the latter group. I accept routine up to a point, but eventually it begins to grate on me a bit. I like to feel as though I can look forward to something bigger and better. In the context of my marriage, this means doing new, spontaneous things with my wife -- say, visiting a particular destination for the first time, trying out different foods and restaurants, and partaking in new outdoor activities. Many people say that once the wedding and honeymoon are over with and people finally have to live like a married couple, it's not all peaches and cream. Well, I can attest to that. Marriages, just like relationships, take a lot of work. Once the novelty of a relationship wears off, people need to put in a considerable degree of effort to keep things fun and interes...

There's a saying that says, "It's better to be alone than in bad company," and I agree wholeheartedly. How many times have you gone out with a group of people, only to feel completely isolated from everyone else? It could be that you don't know anyone that well, or simply don't share the same interests. I tend to feel as such when I'm: The only non-drinker in the group The only person who doesn't have kids The only person within my age group The only male in the group Unfortunately, people tend to act differently when they're around certain people, and I have documented this in earlier posts. For example, let's say there's a person in the group whom you'd genuinely like to meet. You notice that he is all by his lonesome, staring off into space, and you decide to chat him up. All goes well, and you've found yourself a new friend. Now, imagine that instead of being all alone, he had been carousing and cavorting with h...

Today's quote comes from Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919), who served as the 26th President of the United States. Not only was he an accomplished politician, but also a staunch conservationist, historian, and author. Most people may know that it was this venerable Rough Rider who uttered the famous line, "Speak softly and carry a big stick." Here's a quote that's not as well known but, in my view, equally resonant: "Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing." - Theodore Roosevelt  The exuberant Roosevelt not only published three books in his lifetime, but was an avid reader of history, poetry, and other subjects about which he was passionate. As I've noted in prior posts, I myself am passionate about writing and reading, just as Roosevelt was. When I sit down and put words down on paper, the hours just fly by. I feel completely in my element. I know that writing is my calling, and there'...

Do you think you'd be more inclined to buy a product priced at $3.99 than one that sells for $4? I can picture many of you shaking your heads. According to various studies in consumer behavior, people are far more likely to buy a product when the price ends in .99. But why? For one, consumers tend to read from left to right, which means our attention becomes fixated on the first number as opposed to the ones that follow. Even though you're hardly getting a greater bargain by opting for something priced a cent cheaper (especially since taxes come into play), your indifference to reading the whole way across actually fools you into thinking you are snagging a deal. It's as though we're comparing something priced at $3 to something that costs $4. It doesn't make much logical sense, but most consumers will do anything to expend the least amount of brainpower possible, especially when pressed for time. In addition, shoppers tend to deem prices ending in cents...

I recently read about a study that found that an extra hour of sleep each night increases a woman's libido considerably. In a way, this finding seems pretty logical to me. The more sleep a woman gets, the more energy she has, and the more energy she has, the more likely she is to want to do the deed. What's curious about the study is how only one hour more could make such a difference. I would think that 2 or 3 more hours of sleep would cause someone to be more predisposed to having sex the next day, but 1 hour? I assume that women are just as likely to say that a little more sleep makes them more interested in practically any other activity, like cooking or going to the gym. It also depends on a woman's schedule and how busy she is. An extra hour will surely go a long way for a time-starved executive, but it won't make a difference for someone who works few hours each week, if any at all. Something tells me that men and women the world over who complain of thei...

Today's quote of the day comes from Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962), who served as First Lady of the United States during her husband Franklin Delano Roosevelt's unprecedented four terms in office. "In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility." - Eleanor Roosevelt I agree wholeheartedly with Roosevelt; in reality, this has been a recurring theme on this blog since it was first launched. What I think Eleanor Roosevelt is trying to say here is that we are ultimately the masters of our own destiny. Life is what we make of it, and the world is our oyster. Whether you often complain about your dead-end job, big gut, or shabby city apartment, it's on you to take the necessary steps in your life to effect change. Simply put, no one else is going to do it for you! We must hold ourselves accountable for our choices, whether they end up being good or bad...

I certainly do. A feeling of "college nostalgia" has come over me of late, and I'm trying to figure out why. I graduated close to 8 years ago. The last 2 or 3 years have been quite eventful to say the least. I bought a new car, got married, traveled on a plane for the first time, and purchased a condo that my wife and I recently moved into.  If there's so much going on, why can't I help but reflect on my college years? I think most of us would agree that life was a whole lot simpler back when we were in college. Our main priority was studying to get good grades in hopes of landing a good job upon graduation.  That's not to say we didn't work while going to school (I worked part-time), but we probably didn't have as many bills to pay and, for most of us, marriage and children didn't pop up on our radar screen until after we received that diploma. Hence, having less responsibility was certainly a huge plus.  I miss the flexibi...

Surprisingly, many consumers say they would never stay at a haunted hotel. Whether it's bizarre ghost sightings, strange sounds (knocking, howling, talking, screaming, etc.), or unexplained lights, the thought of spending the night at a haunted property sends chills down people's backs. What draws me to haunted hotels in the first place is that they tend to be steeped in history. Hotels classified as haunted tend to be those that have been existence since the 18th-19th centuries, or earlier. In fact, the vast majority of them are listed in The National Register of Historic Places. The most renowned historic hotel in my area was converted into a hospital during World War II to treat the wounded. Many speculate that the hotel remains haunted to this day by the spirits of those who perished during the war. I think the history behind historic hotels certainly makes them worth visiting, even if it's only for a few hours. In fact, many of these properties offer guests histo...

All of us have gripes with certain things about our present lives, whether it's being stuck in a dead-end job, not having enough friends, being overweight, or just feeling like we're in a monotonous rut. This has some of us feeling rather depressed or even wallowing in self-pity. The secret to life is not what happens to you, but how you react to and deal with such circumstances. I'll give you an example: While I blog and freelance on the side, my day job is as a copywriter in the travel industry. While I enjoy working in the travel business, I sometimes feel as though I'm doing nothing truly meaningful in the private sector; it's all about the bottom line and helping the big-wigs get richer. I found my college days to be the best time of my life, largely because I loved learning, studying, and challenging myself to get A's and graduate with a high G.P.A. (I take pride in the fact that I graduated summa cum laude with a 3.91 G.P.A.). Thus, I yearn to eventua...

As much as we might say we love to help and be around others, we can't truly care for other people until we feel that way about ourselves. And even once we get to that point, we're the only ones we can always reply upon. Whenever you feel a little down and have the urge to reach out to someone to brighten your mood, don't bother. Stop for a second and think about great things you yourself have achieved or experienced, whether it was to rescue a litter of kittens, spend a week in China, earn a promotion, graduate with highest honors, or land a date with the most attractive girl in school. We are fully capable of cheering ourselves up by ruminating on our best qualities and talents, whatever those may be. In my case, I value that I am humble, non-judgmental, romantic, introspective, and fiercely passionate about learning new things. What's more, unlike those around me, I take great pleasure in reading and writing as much as humanly possible. Only you can determine a...