How To Understand People

Today is the oldest you've ever been, and the youngest you'll ever be again . So said Eleanor Roosevelt, the longest-serving First Lady of the United States. You needn't harp on the past or stress over the future. Why?  Because you have little to no control over either one. The past is the past and cannot be undone. What lies ahead is, of course, a big question mark: even if we do things today to help shape a better tomorrow, we really can't foresee what lies on the horizon. Things may go our way, as planned, or they may not. That being said, what is there to do then? You got it. Focus on the present. Mindfulness means embracing in a non-judgmental way what's currently unfolding in your life. You neither cling onto nor reject the present; you simply accept it. We aren't getting any younger, which makes living for today all the more important. Don't shelve your goals for another day; start on them right now! You don't want to wake up one da...

Whether it's preparing for a hurricane, building up an emergency savings account, or simply taking extra precautions when walking or driving late at night, you should hope for the best and plan for the worst. There's absolutely no harm in overpreparing -- being proactive so as to help prevent any unfavorable consequences in a given situation. As I once heard in a movie, the best defense is a good offense. It's better to be safe than sorry. I understand that if you play it too safe all the time, life can become rather dull and regimented. The key, as I've noted in countless posts, is to strike a healthy balance between fun and prudence. Go where the road takes you, but don't do it with a beer in hand and a dead cell phone. If you've drank, always be sure to have a designated driver. Don't wander the streets at night alone -- take someone with you or let others know where you're going. Indulge yourself every so often at the store, but only if y...

One of my all-time favorite quotes comes from, not surprisingly, one of my all-time movies, Batman Begins.  A young Bruce Wayne (Batman's alter ego) is asked by his father, Thomas, why we fall. Thomas goes on to answer "so we can learn to pick ourselves up." It's such a simple statement, and yet so deep. I think all of us will agree with it. If we never failed, we'd never strive to improve ourselves. If we never faltered, we'd never have any reason to grow. Life, as a result, would seem mundane -- empty, even. Nothing feels sweeter than achieving a goal after investing a lot of sweat and tears -- and failing repeatedly -- in something. Obviously, this in no way means failing deliberately or as a result of reckless, ill-conceived decisions. I'm talking about exhausting all your savings just so you can get your fledgling business off the ground. I'm talking about studying your tail off until you turn your "F" in engineering clas...

The key to being happier isn't having everything you want, for that just isn't feasible. The key to being happier is  achieving balance. It's recognizing that although every single thing in your life may not be perfect -- your job, your marriage, your relationships with friends and family -- it could be worse. It's acknowledging that you can work on bettering your life while appreciating what you already have. There are aspects to our job that we may love -- say, the salary, benefits, and very mission of the company we work for. But we may be less thrilled about the people we work with, starting with our boss. Your spouse could be helplessly messy and disorganized, and yet they're still a loving partner and parent. And while you may butt heads with your friends, they may always be there for you when you're in a bind. Life is all about taking calculated risks. The grass may very well be greener on the other side -- but it may not. We must guard ag...

Picture this: After a long drought on the dating front, Rachel's well-meaning friends and relatives are fixing her up on dates left and right. She's narrowed her options down to two guys: (1) Kevin, a wealthy tax attorney who calls and sends her romantic text messages several times a day, or (2) Alex, a self-confident but modestly paid construction worker who has more hobbies and talents than he can count with both hands. Whom do you think Rachel is more likely to go for? At first blush, one might be tempted to say Kevin, only because he seems to be on firmer financial ground. That may very well be the case if Rachel is an unapologetic gold digger. But chances are that she's taking several factors beyond his bank account into consideration.  Kevin can have all the money in the world, but if he has no self-confidence, Rachel is unlikely to be drawn to him. If there's one attribute most women want in a man, it's self-confidence . Boldness. One who...

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.  "Finding yourself" seems to imply that there's only one possible version of you that can exist, and you're on a quest to find it. But this couldn't be farther from the truth. For instance, just because you're innately shy doesn't mean you can't take public speaking courses that will help bring you out of your shell. And just because you were dreadful at math as a kid doesn't mean you can't work at bettering your math skills, paving the way for a successful career as math teacher or financial analyst. With drive and hard work, we can will ourselves to become any way we like. We have more of a hand in shaping our future and achieving goals we set for ourselves than most of us readily acknowledge or realize. Unfortunately, many people choose to down a path different from what their heart desires because they want to fit in with or please others. In that case, yo...

On this day in 1943, Robert de Niro, one of the greatest actors of all time, was born in New York City. I've called De Niro my favorite actor ever since I saw him in the 1995 crime thriller Heat, which I consider my all-time favorite movie. After seeing him play mobster Paul Vitti opposite Billy Crystal in 1999's Analyze This  and the uptight ex-CIA operative Jack Byrnes in the 2000 comedy Meet the Parents, I realized just how versatile and talented De Niro really is. Not every actor can deftly switch from gun-shooting assassin to funnyman like he can. You know an actor is great when he's likable even as a villain. Other memorable roles include the boxer Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull,  for which De Niro won the Oscar for Best Actor; the young Vito Corleone in The Godfather: Part II , for which he won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor; and creepy loner Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver, where his signature line was "You talking to me?" And that's just ...

In my view, there are four essential ingredients to a happy life, all of which begin with the letter "L." The 4 L's of happiness are: (1)  Laughing (2)  Loving (3)  Living  (4)  Learning Nothing puts us in a better mood -- and helps turn a frown upside down -- quite like a good laugh. Whether we're watching a comedy movie or being amused by a pet's zany antics, life just isn't as fun without a healthy dose of laughter. But most of us would agree that funny moments aren't as memorable unless we have others around to share them with -- the people we love. While friends and family don't complete us -- we do that ourselves -- they certainly give us a good reason to wake up every morning. They're there for us (many of them, at least) in good times and bad. As human beings, we all yearn to love and be loved.  The next one is fairly straightforward: we can't be happy unless we're living -- literally and figuratively. But some wou...

Silence gets such a bad rap these days, and I don't know why. I've heard people say they loathe being in typically quiet settings -- say, libraries, churches, or local parks -- where it's so hushed in there that it totally unnerves them. I recently visited my alma mater's enormous library, which spans eight spacious floors. The sixth and seventh floors have been designated "quiet areas" where talking is all but forbidden. If someone on campus wishes to hear nothing but a pin drop while studying or working, they know to go to the library. It's my go-to place to get some reading done when I find myself too distracted at home. I only wish I had availed of it more when I was a student there. As an introvert, it's hardly a surprise that I relish silence. It helps me recharge my batteries after long days at work spent in meetings and alongside people around the office who just don't know when to zip it. Extroverts find silence off-putting bec...

Many people don't know how to tell the difference between love and infatuation. Here's the chief differentiator in a nutshell: When you're infatuated by someone, you perceive them to be perfect for you without even knowing them that well.  When you truly love or are in love with someone, they're perfect in your eyes despite their known imperfections. In other words, mere infatuation is conducive to an "ignorance is bliss" mindset. In the early stages of a relationship, when you're still unaware of a person's flaws, all you have to go on are their looks, words, and gestures, which together form your initial impression of them. You can't be certain everything they've told you about themselves is true, but you're so taken with the person -- especially after being showered with cutesy gifts and/or notes -- that you're willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. However, you can't really love someone until you know more ...

After a 10-year hiatus from higher education, I'm strongly considering going back to school next year and pursuing a master's degree in English. Considering I bought three prep books earlier in the week to help me prepare for the Graduation Record Examinations (GRE) -- which my program of interest requires a good score on in order to be accepted -- I'd say that shows I'm pretty serious about taking the plunge. Sometimes I regret waiting so long to get my master's -- then I remind myself that it was ultimately a wise choice. Not only have I been able to gain ample work experience in my field, but the money I would have used on the master's has instead gone towards major life events like getting married, buying a home, and taking a few bucket list vacations. With no debt to speak of (mortgage notwithstanding), I'm in a much better financial position now to get a master's than I would have been if I'd gone to grad school right after earning my bach...

Remember "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey? What an inspiring song. There's no question that we should never cease believing in ourselves. If you don't believe in yourself, you won't make it very far in a world that constantly throws obstacles our way. Life is difficult -- and it demands that we remain strong and persistent in the face of tough challenges. Beyond that, no one should stop dreaming, or reaching for new heights. What good is believing in yourself if you have no dreams to shoot for? Aspiring to bigger and better things -- whether it be parenthood, owning a business, or buying a home -- gives us another reason to wake up in the morning. It gives us something to look forward to. I frequently hear others say their lives are dull, prompting them to reminisce about "bygone days." I'm here to tell you that your best days are not behind you; they lie on the horizon. However, you have to do your part to make that come to ...