How To Understand People

Allow me to impart to you this important nugget of wisdom on the pursuit of happiness: Seeking perfection -- whether in your job or your relationships -- will yield no fruit. And the reason why is because there's no such thing as the perfect job or relationship. Sure, one should never remain trapped in a situation that has them feeling drained and utterly miserable. Life is too short for that. But people who hop from one job or relationship to the other until they found one that meets all their criteria are sure to come up empty. When it comes to jobs and relationships -- and, more broadly, life itself -- there is just too much that lies outside our control. In the case of jobs, it's everything from toxic co-workers to economic uncertainty. The company may go belly-up tomorrow, leaving you in the lurch financially. Your boss, normally a cool, easy-going guy, may become a raging psychopath as he grapples with a bitter divorce. And as far as relationships, it...

Many of us become stressed by our inability to control the future. For example, you may be ruminating night and day about how different things at work will be once your boss retires. Or maybe you're on edge over the fact that you've only recently gotten into a relationship and you don't know if it's going to work out. Maybe your spirits are low because you've been looking to buy a house for some time now to no avail. If there's one certainty in life, it's that life is uncertain. The only constant in our lives is change. Rather than sulking about it, we have to roll with the punches. It doesn't benefit you to fear worst-case scenarios that may never come to pass. You can plan for the worst, yes. Just don't convince yourself that the worst is actually going to happen because that will only make you into a nervous wreck. If we do find ourselves in that situation, we deal with it at that point. But agonizing over it in advance will on...

Sometimes it isn't that someone has changed, but that now you see them for who they really are. It can be disappointing to realize that someone whom you held in high esteem -- whether an old friend or relatively new girlfriend -- isn't as you imagined. Maybe you've noticed a pattern of lies, throwing cold water on the rosy impression you'd built of them in your mind. Perhaps they'd hidden the fact that they have a massive heap of debt, a never-before-mentioned ex who continues reaching out to them, or aspirations of moving to Europe in a year. Do some people change for the worst over time? In some instances, yes. It's possible they could grow complacent, envious, or flat-out bitter in the relationship, and things like alcohol and stress at work may be culprits -- though they're certainly not valid reasons for bad behavior. But in other cases, they manage to put up a front -- rather effectively, I might add -- that may persist for years. The p...

If someone in your life has a tendency to push you around, it's time to stand firm. It doesn't matter whether it's your partner, friend, sibling, or co-worker. No one deserves to be treated that way. The sad truth is that bullying isn't limited to adolescents who make fun of other kids' weight or beleaguer them for lunch money. Adults, too, can manipulate and take advantage of people in their orbit. One surefire way for things to reach this point  is by allowing people to perceive you as a pushover. Once they see you as someone they can run roughshod over, they'll carry on until you put a stop to such distasteful behavior. So, you're likely asking how you can tackle the problem. I always advise people to try to have an honest conversation in private first. You never know if the person harbors ill will toward you because of a misunderstanding, a false rumor, or a mistaken first impression. In that conversation, it's important to driv...

Have you shrunk yourself out of fear of change, failure, or the unknown? Have you carved out big plans for yourself, only to continue putting them off year after year? We've all been there. Ah, yes, that nagging self-doubt that all but paralyzes us from working toward goals big and small -- and induces us to give up prematurely. No one says you have to give in to those pesky negative thoughts. When they resurface, stop and ask yourself this question: "Who says I can't succeed?" If it's you, it's time to reframe your thinking. And if it's others who are attempting to demotivate you, you're certainly in the wrong company. As a matter of fact, if you're willing to invest the time, energy, and resources into making your dreams a reality, you can achieve anything! Rather than harp on what may go wrong, why not envisage things going well for you? If you always fear failure -- keeping you ensconced in your cozy comfort zone -- you ma...

At some point, all of us have had a brush with someone intent on making our lives miserable. Perhaps it was a toxic boss, a jaded ex, a shady friend, or even someone within your own family who proved untrustworthy. But guess what? You're still alive. You survived. You emerged with a keener awareness not only of others' motives, but of the immense strength that lies within you. In an ideal world, we would get along with anyone and everyone. People would appreciate us for who we are, whether we own a BMW or a Versa, a small loft or a capacious mansion. They would prize us just the same whether we are meek or outspoken, bookish or adventurous. Alas, behind some nook or cranny is some bitter soul who wishes for their misery to rub off on someone in his or her orbit. No matter how hard we may try to please everyone -- how nice and accommodating we are to others -- someone will always take issue with us. And oftentimes we haven't done a single thing wrong to a...

Let's assume you've been friends with Katie since kindergarten. Even as innocuous six year olds, you knew you'd be each other's maid of honor. While time often makes many friendships grow weaker, the two of you remained almost inseparable through college. Then, gradually, you begin to have sporadic arguments with each other, sometimes over the silliest things. As relationships and shifting responsibilities chart different paths for you both in your adult life, you start to grow apart. Once touting yourself as sisters from a different mother, you're now mere acquaintances who may connect via text on special or solemn occasions, like birthdays or the death of a loved one. Is the scenario described above all that atypical? Sadly, the answer is no. You've likely experienced it at some point with a friend you have held in high esteem for many years. While many friendships can bounce back, they may never go back to the way they once were. But that ...

Valentine's Day can be a real drag for romantic hopefuls who have yet to stumble upon Mr. or Ms. Right. But don't despair! He or she may waltz into your life quicker than you anticipate. Here are a few tips for meeting someone -- not just any person, but a special individual with whom you can forge a path to long-term bliss: 1. Let people know you're single and ready to mingle. The term "networking" is thrown around all the time in the working world, but it can also be a handy tool in one's quest for romance. Have you told friends and loved ones that you're looking? Perhaps they know someone whom they can fix you up with, or at the very least you can establish connections with people in their circle -- e.g., a friend of a friend's sister's cousin at the birthday party -- that may lead to a fateful encounter with a promising candidate. You obviously don't want people all up in your business, either. For example, I wouldn't advise...

Being single certainly isn't as bad as some make it out to be. Sure, it's nice to have a partner to hug on Valentine's Day, exchange gifts with during the holidays, and accompany you to work/social functions. But the reality is that singlehood affords myriad benefits as well, including: Not having to deal with a partner's drama. Being free to watch whatever you want on TV. Not having to compromise on where to eat dinner or which movie to watch at the theater. Having more time to enjoy hobbies/solitary pursuits. Not having to spend money on your partner.  Not having to confront meddling in laws.  Having more time for friends and relatives.  Even if ultimately you do long for a serious relationship, marriage, and the whole kit and caboodle, it doesn't mean you can't capitalize on your freedom.  In fact, it gives you time to scout possible love interests. When you know you're enjoying the single life, you're in no hurry to hook up. It...

Sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit for all we've accomplished up to this point. What's more, we lack confidence in our ability to achieve goals and meet future challenges. But this should not be the case. While venturing into the unknown can be daunting, you must never underestimate your capacity to weather change and hardship -- whether it be a layoff, an unexpected health condition, or a relationship setback. Sure, getting back on your feet might not happen overnight. But rest assured that if you press on -- not allowing anything or anyone to stop you -- you shall prevail. Indeed, life rewards us for our mettle and perseverance, for our refusal to throw in the towel when all hope seems lost. Even our darkest days aren't eternal. Eventually, the sun comes up again, and we rise stronger, wiser, and more resilient than ever before. You're more powerful than you realize. Do whatever it is you need to do to regain your footing, whether pr...

Is a relationship doomed when one person is a bit more invested than the other? Not necessarily.  In fact, it's quite typical for one partner to care a little more than their significant other -- and the roles can switch over the course of the relationship. This can happen because of a myriad of factors, including: One person having a more stressful job Illness One partner being more organized and on top of things (e.g., relationship milestones, finances, etc.) In essence, it doesn't mean that the person who's a little less committed doesn't value the relationship. But everything from a person's disposition/personality to life simply getting in the way has to be factored in. And sometimes it may seem like they don't care as much because that's how the partner perceives it, but it's not the case at all. For example, some people are naturally more mushy than others. Just because they're not always keen on displaying affec...

Many people ask me whether a relationship or marriage can withstand the devastating blow dealt by a partner's infidelity. My answer? It depends. Some may, and some most certainly won't. You see, once a person cheats, their partner can never look at them in the same light ever again no matter how hard they may try.  Even if the victim finds it in their heart to give their significant other another chance, such an abominable breach of trust gives way to future suspicion of the cheater's motives. Are they really heading out to the gym at 9 p.m., and, if so, whom do they interact with there? Are they truly texting a friend as they say they are? If so, why must they do it during dinner and at late hours of the night? The cheater may thus come to resent having all his moves put under a microscope given his pledge to make amends for his wrongdoings. The victim might retort that their behavior is justified. After all, they forgave the cheater for straying in the re...

If there's something you should never permit in a relationship, it's for someone to trifle with your emotions. Whether you've known them for two days or two decades, whether they've apologized profusely or not even once, your feelings should be considered and respected. If your boyfriend vows he'll never cheat on you again but you discover him canoodling with other women -- whether on social media or in person -- on multiple occasions, he is making a mockery of your feelings. If your friend asserts that she only has the nicest things to say to other people about you but you receive word that she has made talking behind your back a pastime, she is little more than a wolf in sheep's clothing. Sadly, these opportunists will use every manner of flattery to reel you in. They may profess feelings of love and warmth, but beneath the surface they're up to no good. And, to make matters worse, they do such a good job at carrying on with the charade that yo...