How To Understand People

In the U.S., most people consider Memorial Day weekend the unofficial start of summer. And rightfully so. This time of year, people hit the beach in droves, take exciting vacations, and fire up the barbecue virtually every weekend. It's hard to believe that today is the last day of the month of May. It feels like it was only yesterday that we were celebrating Cinco de Mayo and, more recently, Mother's Day. Hopefully, you found May a productive month and managed to achieve one or more goals, if not inch closer to that end. If May was nothing to write home about -- maybe you didn't land that job you wanted, got dumped, or had to deal with a lot of crap at work -- you're certainly not alone. A new month means being able to press the Reset button and start with a clean slate. Whatever your goals, here's the chance to work even harder than you did last month toward accomplishing them. Whatever your passions, June presents a fresh opportunity to indulge them...

Some people really are all about the chase. And it's precisely those who we should avoid! You know, the ones who get bored once they realize they no longer have to work as hard to win your affections. Instead of rejoicing at the thought of the person they're dating being serious about and committed to the relationship, they actually miss being kept on their toes. They'd rather be kept in the dark as to what the person feels about them. Once their date is no longer a challenge, they go in search of a new one.  Playing hard to get might be acceptable when you've only just met someone and are trying to build interest, but once you've gone on a few dates with the person over the span of, say, a month or two, enough is enough. At that point, the two of you should be well past the games and focused on building a real relationship.  And don't count on the person ever changing. If you remain with them in hopes of their changing, you risk getting hurt or che...

One of the surest ways to feeling stressed out is the sense that the walls are caving in on you. Rather than being in control of your life, your life is controlling you. You feel like a prisoner with no way out in sight. Those who report feeling this way tend to have too much on their plate. A job that requires ridiculous hours. A spouse and kids. Community service activities. A rigorous exercise routine. And so forth. While packing as much as we can into our schedule certainly prevents life from getting boring, we need to leave ourselves a bit of breathing room. Studies show that stress leads to negative health outcomes like headaches and heart disease. What's more, it may lead to coping mechanisms that can also be disadvantageous to one's health, like overeating, smoking, drinking, or taking illegal drugs. Once you feel as though there's not enough time in the day to do a single thing you enjoy doing for leisure -- read a book, watch a show, listen to music -- it ...

This can be further expanded as follows: "Say what you mean and mean what you say; say what you do and do what you say." Put simply, be genuine. Your actions should always back up your words, and vice-versa. Now, let's be real here. All of us lie on occasion. No one follows through on every single thing they say 100% of the time. We sometimes say one thing and do another. Our actions don't always align with our words. For example, you've likely lied to your boss about being sick in order to miss work for a concert or some other leisurely activity. Maybe you've lied to a friend or relative to get out of having to attend a social function. I'll be the first to admit that I've told people I plan to something and fail to live up to my word. In such cases, I've apologized and made a conscious effort not to repeat the mistake. People have done the same thing to me. A little fib here and there is to be expected. However, if this becomes the no...

Why wait until tomorrow to take a risk that can improve your life for the better? Whether it's applying for your dream position at another company or opening your heart again to someone after a bad breakup, you can't allow the fear of failure to paralyze you from taking action. Otherwise, you'll be left wondering what could have happened while someone else lands a great position or partner that could have been yours. Don't let negativity get in the way of your dreams. We only have one life to live on earth, so why not pursue our goals at full throttle? Rather than focus on what could go wrong, concentrate on what can -- on what will -- go right. I won't lie to you and say it'll be easy. Yes, you're likely to come up short -- multiple times. Yes, there will be days where nothing seems to go right and the easiest thing would be to throw in the towel. But if we didn't have to struggle to achieve what we want in life, would it feel as rewarding...

As I've noted previously, I work as a writer in the hotel/lodging industry. (This blog, of course, is my side gig.) I'm a hardcore history buff, so it comes as no surprise that the hotels I enjoy learning about the most are those that have stood the test of time. One such historic property is the Beekman Arms and Delamater Inn, which is situated in the center of the Village of Rhinebeck in the Hudson Valley. The Beekman Arms has operated continuously since -- get this -- 1766, melding colonial charm and character with modern conveniences. In 1766, Arent Traphagen relocated his father's tavern to what is now Rhinebeck. The Bogardus Taven was made of sturdy timber and stone to protect against potential Indian attacks.  The inn hosted notable revolutionaries including George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, and Benedict Arnold. The 4th Regiment of the Continental Army drilled on the lawn and and the townspeople took refuge here when the British burned the s...

A while back, I came across a rather amusing quote: "Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit."  I don't know who the source of the comical quote is, but he or she was spot on. Love should never have to be forced. If one or both people in the relationship are forcing it, that raises a critical question: Why are they even together? Either the chemistry is off, one or both individuals has grown bored, or, worse yet, they've fallen out of love altogether. As I've noted in prior posts, once a couple passes the honeymoon stage, people's true colors emerge and the relationship begins to feel a little more like "work." Quirks about your partner that once seemed cute may begin to get on your nerves. As passion gradually gives way to complacency, partners may cease doing the little things that so endeared them to each other. You know you're with the right person when: You can be yourself around him or her You ...

I have found that nothing puts me in a better mood than distracting myself -- even if momentarily -- from the present. That can mean picturing myself lounging on a sun-dappled beach, surrounded by turquoise water (not as good as actually being there, but I'll take it); spending a few moments watching bloopers or videos of adorable animals; immersing myself in a compelling book; or listening to my favorite songs on my iPod Touch. The key is to disconnect from the moment. If you spend ALL your time ruminating on your carries and worries, life will become very monotonous. Sometimes you just need a short break from your annoying coworkers, nagging neighbor, and others who drive you up the wall. Such an intermission -- however brief -- can leave you feeling more relaxed and/or energized. I realize this is easier said than done for some people. Not everyone lives in their head or has the inclination to do so, especially those who tend to be more outgoing. However, everyone ...

On this day in 2000, as part of the Out of the Blue Closets exhibit at the National Museum of Health and Medicine in Washington, D.C. the bones of President James Garfield’s spine were put on display one last day. The exhibit featured medical oddities from the museum’s archives. The display of President Garfield’s spinal column showed exactly where one out of two assassin’s bullets had passed through it on July 2, 1881. The first bullet grazed Garfield’s arm, while the second bullet lodged below his pancreas. Alexander Graham Bell, known for patenting the first practical telephone, was one of Garfield’s physicians at the time. He attempted to use an early version of a metal detector to locate the second bullet, but failed. Historical accounts vary slightly as to what exactly led to Garfield’s death. Physicians may have given him treatments that expedited his demise, including the administering of morphine, quinine, calomel, and brandy; he was also fed through the rectum. ...

Some people are simply the epitome of hypocrisy . They don't tolerate certain behaviors from their partner -- cheating, wasteful spending, getting drunk -- and yet they carry out those very behaviors themselves in disguise. It's because of this double standard that so many relationships go down the drain. People who have certain expectations of their partner that they themselves can't live up to -- those who don't practice what they preach -- shouldn't commit to anyone in the first place. It demonstrates selfishness, a lack of maturity, and the inability to consider their partner's feelings. The golden rule of relationships is to treat your partner the way you want to be treated. If you don't want your partner to cheat on you, remain faithful. If you don't want your partner running up credit card debt, spend responsibly. If you don't want your partner making a fool of herself after having one too many drinks, drink in moderation yourself. The...

So said a graphic that I happened upon today on Facebook. It caught my attention because I already do just that: Rather than boasting of my plans and accomplishments to others -- whether on Facebook or elsewhere -- I let my work do the talking for me. For starters, I've never been one to disclose every morsel of information about my life, much less brag about my achievements. Sometimes people get so caught up telling others about what they've accomplished -- say, losing 10 pounds while dieting -- that they forget they're far from done. Once they get the praise and validation they're after, they become complacent and are unable to regain their momentum. It's not to say that everyone who does this is a show-off. As human beings, we seek positive reinforcement in virtually everything we do. But, like everything else, it can be taken a step too far. People don't have to know everything about us. We can have a goal in mind without having to tell the wor...

Many people strive to amass as many friends as they possibly can. In my view, though, you only need two or three really good friends to feel fulfilled in life. There's a marked difference between having a deep friendship with someone you trust entirely, and having more of a superficial relationship, where you might converse with each other once in a blue moon on Facebook or at a special occasion. To me, building friendships isn't a numbers game. It's the quality, not the quantity, that truly counts. In fact, I only have three real friends, all of whom I made groomsmen at my wedding. I've known one of them since kindergarten, the other since high school, and the third guy since my first semester of college. While I may not be able to see or talk to them as often as I'd like, I know these guys are there for me when I need them -- just as I am for them. We have our occasional spats and differences of opinion, but the friendships are strong enough to survive a...

We've all dealt with a friend or partner who, out of the blue, becomes indifferent towards us. They cease making any effort to see or call us. They make every excuse in the book not to attend your birthday party or any other occasion you invite them to. When you confront them as to why they don't ever seem to give you the time of day, they don't have an answer. This leaves us feeling hurt, confused, and frustrated. We want this person to be as interested in us as we are in them, but the scales just never seem to balance. While it's true that typically one person is always more invested in the relationship or friendship than the other, it shouldn't be completely one-sided. People make time for those who truly matter to them, even if it's by doing something as simple as sending a quick text message. Unfortunately, some people get in relationships and ditch their friends. Others just have so many friends and acquaintances that they wind up leaving some ...

I stumbled upon this quote on Facebook and felt it resonated with me, as I'm someone who suffers from anxiety and has worrywart tendencies. What I've realized, though, is that incesssant worrying does nothing to ease the nerves; if anything, it frays them. Instead, we should aim to be warriors, people who confront life's challenges head-on. Warriors get excited over what could go right rather than concerned about what can go wrong. They're bold, optimistic, and determined to see their dreams come to fruition. They see setbacks as temporary. Criticism and negativity from others (and themselves) fuels them to work ever harder toward achieving their goals. I realize it isn't feasible to be a warrior 100 percent of the time. It's only natural that we worry sometimes, especially in the face of intense pressure. But we must never let doubt paralyze us. The more we worry, the less likely we'll make progress. We won't reach our destination unle...

Want to be happier? The   less you attach your happiness to people or material things, the happier you'll be. Why? Because material things come and go, as do people. They're transitory.  What brings us true joy are experiences, which can create lasting memories. While things may have ended badly with your ex-boyfriend, there's no harm in conceding that you cherished -- perhaps to this day -- the times you spent with him, even if you don't want him back in your life. Or, you may reminisce about the trip you and your friends took to Cancun while you were in college, even though time and distance have caused something of a rift in your friendship. See what I mean? Focus on the experience and how it enriched your life, not on the person. Relationships evolve just like the people in them. Depending on someone else to be happy sets one up for disappointment in the event that person does a one-eighty, which most of us have experienced at some poin...

People talk about winning the lottery as if it were the Holy Grail everyone is after. And, sure, having a lot of money can enhance your life in myriad ways. You can pay off your house and buy a much bigger one, purchase a luxurious car, do away with your college loan debt, buy expensive clothes and jewelry with no restraint, etc. Society tells us this is the ideal life. But is it really the kind of life we ALL yearn for? Not me. Instead, I just want to be comfortable financially, and that's well within everyone's reach by (1) saving up (2) scouring the internet and newspapers for great deals (3) staying within or below one's budget. I can only surmise that people who are rich feel immense pressure to display with their wealth. (Not to mention they likely get asked for money left and right by friends and relatives.) The issue is that I'm the farthest thing from a materialistic person, so if I found myself thrust into that situation, I would not feel compelled...

A word I came across recently that isn't used all that much in regular discourse is hoity-toity. It's yet another one of those funny-sounding words that I like to feature on the blog. To be hoity-toity is to be haughty or snobbish. You can use it in place of words like disdainful, conceited, proud, arrogant, pretentious, and self-important. Interestingly, while we use use hoity-toity as an adjective today, it used to be a noun that meant "thoughtless giddy behavior." The word first appeared in print as a noun in 1668. All of us know at least one person -- be it a friend, co-worker, relative, or neighbor -- who projects this type of demeanor. I generally steer clear of hoity-toity people. I think humility is one of the most admirable qualities one can possess, and, well, hoity-toity folks seem devoid of it. While we can all be a little hoity-toity in certain instances -- say, showing off our new car or watch -- some people are this way nearly all the time. ...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it?  After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

The answer is a resounding no -- at least in my book. Open relationships have become more popular in recent years. Why? Because many people -- some following bad breakups and others because of a reluctance to commit to anyone -- are finding that they're happier keeping their options open. That's fine. More power to them. Everyone has a right to do as they wish in their love life. Personally, I would never agree to an open relationship. If there's something I expect in a relationship, it's loyalty . Exclusivity. Plus, I'd burn with jealousy at the thought of my partner fooling around with someone else. I could never take someone who wants this kind of a relationship seriously. I'd be worried that she could leave me at any moment. I would want a partner who is committed to me and only me. I've always been a one-relationship-kind-of-guy and would feel guilty seeing different women simultaneously. I can see open relationships being appealing to peopl...

Which qualities do you really yearn for in a partner? Is it intelligence? A sense of humor? Someone who's gainfully employed? Whatever you seek in a significant other, don't settle for less. In my case, I had a strong preference for someone with or working toward a bachelor's degree. Since I was always a dedicated student, I wanted someone who similarly demonstrated a certain level of commitment to her studies. Thankfully, my wife, like me, was working toward her bachelor's degree when we hooked up. Moreover, I wanted someone with whom I could have intellectual conversations with. Someone who wouldn't be bored at the thought of going to a museum together. While my wife isn't as well-read as I am, she's a teacher, which in itself shows an intellectual bent. And let me tell you -- when we play along to the game show Jeopardy! at home, she gives me serious competition. While no one will come with every single attribute you'd want in a partner, no ...

On this day in 1780, following a siege that began on April 2 of that year, Americans suffer their worst defeat of the American Revolution, with the unconditional surrender of Major General Benjamin Lincoln to British Lieutenant General Sir Henry Clinton and his army of 10,000 in Charleston, South Carolina. The British captured more than 3,000 Patriots and a great quantity of munitions and equipment, with 250 of their own killed and wounded in the process. Confident of British control in the South, Lieutenant General Clinton sailed north to British-occupied New York after having learned of an impending French expedition to the northern state. He left General Charles Cornwallis in command of over 8,000 British forces in the South. South Carolina was a bitterly divided state, and the British presence unleashed the full violence of a civil war upon the population. The guerrilla warfare strategies employed by Patriots Thomas Sumter, Nathanael Greene, and Francis Marion throughout the ...

If your plans fail, change the plans -- not the goal. Far too many people give up when their initial strategy or approach doesn't immediately bear fruit. Ever heard the saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result"? Sometimes it's all a matter of fine-tuning your approach. For example, if a baseball player is in an awful slump, he won't give up on his goal of getting hits and driving in runs. In such cases, the batter will merely change his approach at the plate. It might take a while before he finds something that works, but at least he's working toward breaking out of the dry spell. Rather than trying to swing for the fences each and every time, he may decide to go back to basics and focus on making contact. Once he's regained his confidence at the plate, he's bound to hit homers and provide a jolt to the offense. If you want to achieve something badly enough, you won't just abandon your goa...

Is there anything you do that people around you find annoying? Maybe you chew with your mouth open, have an obnoxious laugh, or share cheesy jokes. In my case, people find my tendency to correct their spelling mistakes (via IM or text) off-putting. But I can't help it. I'm a copywriter/editor/proofreader by trade, and I manage this blog on the side. Words are my passion. I'm a stickler for grammar, spelling, and punctuation because it's what I do for my job. While some people are okay being a tad more lax when it comes to conversations with friends and loved ones, I strive for perfection at all times -- whether I'm writing an email at work, a post on this blog, or a text message to a buddy. I simply can't turn off the "sound professional" switch. I will use the occasional "Lol" and other such acronyms, but I would never write something like, "wut does it mean 2 u?" Some would call my stance a little extreme, but I enjo...

Where do you go to escape the day-to-day? What do you consider your refuge? Is a quiet park near your house? A bustling neighborhood pub where you meet up with loads of people? One's answer will depend on a bevy of factors, including personality, financial resources, hobbies, and so forth. I'm getting ready to go to the library in a couple of minutes, which I consider my hideaway -- my home away from home, if you will. At the library, I become one with books. I love devouring, smelling, and taking notes on them. In this age of Kindles and other electronic devices, I remain firmly ensconced in the traditional book camp. I have an office at home that includes myriad books, magazines, my computer, filing cabinet, and all the other essentials. As much as I try to do a lot of reading at home, I never seem to get very far. There are simply too many distractions in the vicinity, from my wife watching TV to dogs barking to my comfy bed calling out my name. Beyond that, ...

If you don't love yourself, you can't really love anyone else. Happiness starts from within. Love starts from within. Other people don't complete us -- we do that ourselves. Others merely enhance our lives. I know a few people who spend all their time pleasing others and are left feeling empty and burned down at the end of the day. Why? Because they fail to carve out some time for themselves -- to relax, to contemplate, to pamper themselves. When you feel good about and love yourself, you're more confident. You're in a better mood. You have the disposition and frame of mind to then focus on others and their needs. People may argue that seeing others is all it takes to make them happy, but if they don't love themselves sufficiently to begin with, that happiness just isn't sustainable. People won't always be around; sometimes you'll be by yourself. Take a few moments each day to contemplate your best qualities. Think about something gre...

I stumbled upon a funny-sounding word in a book I recently read: pooh-pooh .  When you hear or read the word, you just can't help but think of: (1) Winnie the Pooh, and/or (2) "poo," as in excrement. At first, the word to me sounded like it could mean to deride or lampoon someone -- something you'd expect to see a stand-up comedian do. To pooh-pooh is to dismiss an idea or suggestion as being foolish, impractical, or unworthy of serious consideration. It's happened to all of us before, whether at work or at home. Maybe you've pooh-poohed someone yourself. For example, if someone approaches you and argues that the sky is really orange, you might "pooh-pooh" his claim as nonsense. Other synonyms include reject, discount, rebuff, belittle, and repudiate. It just goes to show you the sheer variety of words in the English language, some sounding more offbeat than others. Had you heard of the word pooh-pooh before reading this?

If you can't change a person or situation, change how you feel about that person or situation . This notion brings to mind another of my favorite axioms: "Life isn't about what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you." Let's face it: People are hard to change. Trying to change someone's tendencies, beliefs, or attitudes is often an exercise in futility. People get stuck in routines, and old habits die hard. I wish my wife were more organized and into sports and exercising. As much as I may entreat her to do these things, she will never ever be a neat freak or fitness enthusiast. At times, she makes half-hearted attempts to put in a workout or watch a baseball game, but it's obvious -- from the bored look on her face and her clear lack of enthusiasm -- that she's only doing it to appease me.  It can be frustrating to have to almost beg someone to do something, So what's my only option? To change how I feel about the situat...

Ever had to deal with the drudgery of calling a company's customer service department for assistance? Yep, we've all been there. Just this morning, I received a message from Discover -- at work, no less -- saying they were calling in reference to a "request" I'd recently made. ' A victim of identity theft several times over the last few years, I immediately assumed someone had tried to open an account under my name. Then I remembered I was protected under a credit monitoring service through my wife's employer -- plus, they hadn't notified me of any suspicious activity. I called the number and was told that, in order for them to track down the file in question, I would either have to provide a reference number (which wasn't given to me) or my full social security number. The latter was, of course, out of the question, so I opted to do one thing at that point: Call again later in the day and hope the person who attended me then was more com...