How To Understand People

Can you guess something, according to recent studies, that most of us have been doing quite more than usual in this era of social distancing? Eating? That's probably true, but it isn't what I'm alluding to. The same goes for using Facebook and binge-watching shows on Netflix. While these may certainly apply, I'm talking about something we hardly report doing, at least in normal times. Give up? I speak of dreaming,  whereby a series of ideas, emotions, images, and sensations occur involuntarily in the mind during the REM phase of sleep. Sometimes the dreams are positive, sometimes they're negative, and sometimes they make absolutely no sense -- and that's if we can remember them vividly enough to make such a characterization once we wake up! As it turns out, the stress and anxiety precipitated by the pandemic are behind this high incidence of dreaming, not to mention an increased prevalence of insomnia. We use dreams to cope with intense emotions,...

Aside from masks, disinfectants, toilet paper, and other health-oriented items, can you guess which product is flying off the shelves at grocery stores big and small, near and far? I'll give you a hint: It's something you'd expect people to consume when they're feeling down, as many in this lockdown are. If you said beer, you hit the nail on the head! Indeed, Americans' thirst for booze has actually increased since the coronavirus began spreading across the U.S. in mid-March. Beer, a beverage that was once falling out of favor with consumers as their tastes shifted to such low-calorie drinks as spirits and spiked seltzer, is surely benefiting. In particular, home-grown budget beer brands have spiked in sales over the past two months. For instance, sales for Anheuser-Busch's Busch Light have gone up 44%, thanks largely to amusing promotions like implementing price cuts depending on how much snow has fallen. Other brands have recorded similar do...

If you'd asked me a few months ago what I think of Zoom, you'd be met with a look of bewilderment. I'd neither used nor heard of the application until two weeks ago, when my departing boss's daughter threw her a virtual retirement "party" that I and several other co-workers were invited to attend. I must say, it quickly grew on me. The coolest feature in my estimation is the ability to change out your background, making it appear as though you're at Walt Disney World, in the Simpsons' living room, or wherever else tickles your fancy. And, this past weekend, I joined the wifey for a Zoom chat with a close friend and colleague of hers. There's no denying that Zoom is all the rage now. With the coronavirus pandemic forcing us to stay indoors, everything from birthday celebrations to corporate budget meetings are being carried out through the service. Surprisingly, though, people have told me that while while these platforms offer convenien...

You've likely read at least a few posts on this blog that stress the importance of letting go -- both for your health and well-being. But what does letting go really mean? In truth, there is more to it than just telling someone you never wish to see them again. In fact, you can let go of someone without removing them from your life entirely.  It's not so much about physically letting go, but mentally disconnecting in a way that loosens the individual's hold on you. Examples include: Changing the labels you place on a person or an event.  Perhaps you call Josh "loudmouth" because of his penchant for spewing bunk at work. Or, you've labeled the upcoming birthday family party you're dreading having to go to as the "party from hell."      By assigning these descriptors, you've given       them permission to to aggravate you. In       essence, you've given them far too much      importance....

Chances are, when talking to friends, family, or co-workers via text or IM (or, perhaps even in person), you've used abbreviations for common phrases like "LOL" (short for laughing out loud) and BRB (an acronym for be right back). Now, I asked you where OMG -- short for "Oh my God" originated, what would you say? Perhaps you may point to the internet chatrooms that became popular in the 1990s through services like America Online. If you were born in the 2000s, you might guess it started with texting or email. Actually, you'd have to go back further -- to the first half of the 20th century, that is. Indeed, "OMG" dates back to World War I. The first known use of OMG to abbreviate "oh my God" appears in a letter from Lord John Fisher to Winston Churchill, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1940 to 1945 and again from 1951 to 1955: "I hear that a new order of Knighthood is on the tapis -- O.M.G. (Oh! My God!)...

Never should you remain in a relationship with someone if you are confident you can do much better.  When I say "much better," I don't mean you ought to bolt for someone who's richer or more attractive. No, I speak of a partner who doesn't treat you right. A person who ignores, abuses, or undervalues you. I put up a post earlier today on my Facebook page that says, "One person's trash is another's treasure." I couldn't agree more. Surely, you or someone you know has been treated like garbage by a significant other, only to find someone ten times more loving and appreciative later on. Staying in a corrosive relationship is akin to remaining in a toxic, soul-sucking job: You're stagnant, not growing, and treated poorly. No one should subject themselves to such terrible conditions. Have some respect for yourself and pull the plug. You're deserving of another's love and warmth. You deserve to be told romantic things,...

Do you or someone you know binge watch shows on Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, or other streaming services? Maybe you're a Law and Order fanatic, your spouse is diehard watcher of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, or your sister can't get enough of How To Get Away With Murder. So what's the problem with having an insatiable appetite for these shows, you ask? As with all else, too much of something is never healthy. More time spent watching episode after episode and season after season of myriad series could mean: More time being sedentary and snacking, which translates into more pounds Unless the series offers some intellectual value, you're bound to consume content that doesn't flex your mental muscles as much as, say, a documentary would  Neglecting chores, work you've brought home, and other items on your to-do list Less time for loved ones, whether your kids or friends Depriving yourself of valuable sleep  There's no question t...

The best things in life are not things at all. Indeed, the best things in life are intangible in nature. They include: Love for family and friends Peace Health Tranquility Knowledge Memories Experiences Comfort Security  Let me put it this way: When you're in your dead bed, are you going to be thinking about your huge flat screen TV or sporty car? Perhaps you'll have to if you're drawing up a will in your final hours. But other than that, why even bother thinking of them if you can't take them with you? This certainly runs contrary to what we're taught at an early age: That life should be about pursuing the biggest and best money can buy. Sadly, it isn't until very late into their lives that they realize this was all a crock.  I'm not saying one can't have nice things; after all, we work our butts off, so we might as well treat ourselves occassionally.  But regarding materialism as central to your happiness is taking...

Some of the people we have to deal with in our daily lives are, shall we say, difficult. Our bosses may impose unrealistic demands on us, oblivious to the fact we may have a sick child or parent to attend to. Our relatives might meddle in our business, bringing pressure to bear on us so that we take the course of action they think would make us happy rather than the one we're confident will. (As if they would know us better than we know ourselves.) And even our closest friends can be tough to stomach on their worst days. They may take their frustrations out on us without necessarily intending to, potentially causing a rift in the friendship. Here are a few tips to prevent you from losing your cool: 1. Remind yourself it's only temporary. You may intend to stay in that job another year before moving on. The family member giving you grief -- your cousin Eddie, for example -- may only be in town for another few days. And your friend, normally of a jovial temperament, m...

The other day, while reading a book or article, I came across a word I'd never seen or heard before in my life: milquetoast. Being the inquisitive word nerd that I am, I immediately set off on a two-pronged mission: First, to determine whether this was, in fact, a bona fide word, and, if so, what in the world it meant. I had an immediate hunch it might have something to do with breakfast, likely because it sounds like "milk and toast." But I was dead wrong on that front. To my surprise, milquetoast is indeed a word! According to my dictionary app, it means "a meek, submissive, or timid person." Synonyms include childish and unassertive. Now that you know the world's meaning, what comes to mind? To me, it conjures an unemployed 40-year-old man who still lives in his mother's house, plays video games most of the day, and lets whatever few friends he has walk all over him. Sounds rough, I know, but that's the scenario that played out in ...

Right now, many of us find ourselves working from home -- a mandate imposed by local and federal officials aimed at curbing the spread of coronavirus. Yet, some people have the flexibility to work from home as often as they'd like, even when we're living in normal times. Working from the comfy confines of our room or home office can be something of a mixed bag. As far as disadvantages, juggling work and childcare can be challenging. While there may be no shortage of distractions awaiting you at the office, having your toddler throw Fruit Loops in your face as you attempt to finish the expense report by the 3 p.m. deadline can undoubtedly test your patience. That's to say nothing of the chatty neighbor who comes knocking every few hours, the maintenance being done on the unit downstairs, the dog barking incessantly in the yard, or the simple temptation to plop on the couch and skirt your work duties. Having the fridge close by isn't doing our wasteline any ...

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." - Dolly Parton What Dolly is essentially saying is that nothing in life worth having comes easily.  You have to work for it, and that often includes having to put up with others' BS for a while. For example, you've had it up to here with your boss's toxic ways and have set a goal of bolting to another employer before year's end. However, to realize this plan, you'll have to continue enduring his nasty tantrums -- if you haven't already called him out on such behavior -- until you find a new job, as the food has to be put on the table and the rent isn't going to pay itself.  Or perhaps you're reeling from the fallout of a terrible breakup. Life may seem bleak today -- especially after having to pull the plug on a relationship you once envisioned lasting your whole life.  But rest assured that the day you find yourself with someone far better th...

With the country -- check that, the world really -- on lockdown, many of us find ourselves with some extra time on our hands to contemplate life and weigh decisions that can have a huge impact on our future, whether personal or professional. Many people who lead busy lives welcome the change of pace, even though having to balance work and childcare at home can be awfully challenging for some. Life will go back to being what it used to be. It won't be long before we're once again stuck in traffic, jostling through lines of shoppers at the local Publix or Macy's, and exhorting unruly teenagers at the theater to quit making noise during the movie. That means it's going to take a conscious effort to hit "pause" and take a deep breath once in a while, as was the case pre-pandemic. Here's a suggestion for doing just that: Assuming you have one, just stop what you're doing and look at your pet or baby. Indeed, they teach us that we can be find h...

There's no question we've been living in a different world the last couple of weeks -- one that has upended our routines and made Zoom meetings, food delivery, and shopping for virtually everything through Amazon our new, sometimes unpleasant reality. No event has felt this disruptive and widespread since the global recession of 2008. While back then we were dealing with a global financial crisis, this time, as President Donald Trump put it, we are grappling with an invisible enemy. So just how will the world be different once this pandemic is behind us? As was the case with the Great Recession, people are going to retrench for a while. From souped-up cars and big vacations to fancy clothes, consumers are going to put the kibosh on high-end purchases until they feel that (1) the economy is mending (2) their financial affairs are in order. The first order of business for many will be finding a job. Those who have been fortunate enough to still have jobs may be contem...

Depriving a relationship of openness and communication is like depriving a plant of water and sunlight; sooner or later, it'll shrivel and die. Many couples have experienced this firsthand. Rather than putting it all on the table (albeit in a civil, non-confrontational way), they either keep their feelings bottled up or resort to more damaging measures, like hurling insults, ghosting, or even cheating on one another. You know for sure that something has gone awry when coming together to discuss your feelings and concerns actually widens the divide between the two of you, leading to more bickering and finger-pointing. You each walk away feeling deeper resentment rather than calm reassurance that things are on the mend. Rather than respecting your partner in spite of their imperfections, things that never bothered you before drive you batty. Moreover, you look for reasons not to be around one another, essentially rendering you both strangers (if not enemies). Frank co...

It's a question asked of me quite often. In the rough-and-tumble that is the dating world, do you stand out if you actually care less? Well, that depends on the people we're dealing with. Take a blonde bombshell who gets asked out all the time, with guys buying her flowers and candy left and right. Then, out of nowhere comes an attractive guy who isn't swooning over her. Though friendly, he treats her as he would any other woman he meets. She doesn't know for sure whether he's interested in her -- something she, quite frankly, is unaccustomed to -- and that piques her interest. The guy is effectively posing a challenge, and she's compelled to unearth why he doesn't allow himself to be made putty in her hands like all the other chumps do. That being said, giving off a more non-chalant vibe might work when the target is very attractive and has no shortage of options to choose from. Some people perceive those who give them the cold shoulder to...

Grocery stores, considered essential businesses under stay-at-home orders, continue to operate during the coronavirus pandemic. Many people are making weekly trips to stores like Publix to stock up on meat, milk, bread, and other essentials -- provided they can find them. Unfortunately, some of the grocery stores have experienced jarring incidents of contamination. I'm not talking about people contracting the coronavirus, but contaminating produce and other items by licking or coughing on them! I kid you not.  Really, what the heck has gotten into people? Take Jennifer Walker, who was arrested at a California grocery store close to the Nevada border after licking $1,800 worth of merchandise. She placed several pieces of jewelry from the store on her hands and licked them, before loading her shopping cart containing other store items. The store deemed all of the items in her cart unsellable because of cross-contamination. Last month, an unnamed woman was arrested and...

Have you ever sensed -- based on the way someone treats or talks about you -- that they're green with envy? You're not alone. Here's what I believe envy to be, even though it differs slightly from the definition found in the dictionary. Envy is a veiled form of admiration.  It's when someone realizes you possess something -- whether it be a physical object or intangible attribute -- that they perceive as lacking in their own life. Maybe they wish they had a position as high up the corporate ladder as yours, a partner as attractive as your spouse, or a temperament to match your calm and collected demeanor. Sadly, these people don't realize we all face unenviable battles of some kind -- from personal illnesses to financial hardship -- about which we may remain tight-lipped. Why would you envy someone else anyway? Just because they have a lot of money, for example, doesn't mean they're truly happy beneath the surface. If they have to work...

When you think about the person you wish to spend the rest of your life (assuming you have yet to find him or her), which qualities come to mind? Chances are, you want this individual to be kind, loving, smart, funny, loyal, honest, communicative, responsible, hard-working, and the like. But these desirable attributes don't mean didly squat if the partner in question expresses no interest in being with you long-term -- assuming that, too, is what you yearn for with them.  Maybe you've been with someone for four years who hasn't so much as broached the topic of marriage. Or, perhaps you ask them what they picture their life being like in a few years and they fire off a slew of items on their To Do List -- traveling, meeting new people, launching a business -- that seem to have little or nothing to do with you. Being with someone who fears commitment -- the kind I've termed commitmentphobes -- can be emotionally draining. You just never quite know whether th...

As most of us have been spending a great deal of time at home lately amid the threat of the coronavirus, it has afforded us the opportunity to stop and reflect -- something we seldom find the time to do in the hustle and bustle of our regular lives. Perhaps you're now considering finally making a career change you've been mulling for years. Maybe all the sobering talk of recession has you dreaming up ways to save or invest money. Or, spending more time with your partner has brought you closer together -- or driven you further apart -- raising questions about your future on the love front. Nonetheless, here are four lessons to be learned from these unprecedented times: 1. It's the little things that matter. We get so caught up in trivial matters -- when the next iPhone is coming out, who the neighbor is cheating on his wife with -- that we lose focus of the things in life that truly count. Spending an extra hour each day playing with your daughter. Finally gettin...

Studies show that someone may display interest in you only because you liked them first. Needless to say, the human ego is at work here. Few things feel as great as knowing you tickle someone's fancy, so long as you're not perceived to be a creep, weirdo, or stalker of some kind. If you find them attractive, they may be flattered and think you have good taste. And then once they show interest in you, you may be flattered and think they have good taste. Thus, we have a cycle in which interpersonal attraction grows on both sides. But as we all know, attraction can ebb and flow over the course of the relationship. Lusty attraction in the context of the so-called honeymoon stage -- where both partners see each other in the most favorable light -- doesn't last forever. Once the relationship begins to mature and both individuals grow more comfortable with each other, those intense feelings give way to comfort and security -- though that isn't to say the mutu...

There are good relationships -- then there are relationships that are simply transcendent. There are relationships in which partners connect physically, intellectually, and emotionally. Then there are those in which both cultivate a spiritual bond as well, two souls connecting so deeply that nothing short of death could ever break their union. Oftentimes, a pair might point to the fact they can finish each other's sentences, make the other feel better merely by grabbing their hand, or empathize with them like no one else can as proof that they're truly in sync. The right partner awakens in us feelings that lay dormant, or that we never knew existed. Before we met them, maybe we were too afraid to pursue our dreams, or too reluctant to believe in ourselves. They have a special way of cheering us up when we're feeling down, perhaps with their characteristic smile or laugh. They may not always agree with everything we say or do (and why would they?), but they a...

At the time of this writing, confirmed global cases of coronavirus surpassed one million. The world is grappling with an unprecedented pandemic -- the likes of which most of us have never witnessed before in our lifetimes. COVID-19 has claimed close to 53,000 lives throughout the world, and that number is  expected to surge in the next week or two. Nearly 6,000 people have died in the United States alone -- well over 2,000 more casualties than China. Italy still leads with a staggering 14,000 deaths, followed by more than 10,000 reported in Spain. The coronavirus has sent markets reeling and caused businesses big and small -- from bars and restaurants to theaters and hotels -- to shut their doors and lay off or furlough workers. Indeed, the outbreak is taking a heavy mental and financial toll on everyone from medical staff on the front lines to entrepreneurs to stay-at-home moms. A whopping 10 million Americans applied for unemployment benefits in March. Some experts ...

In a strong relationship, each partner deems the other as an enhancement to his or her life. But that's different from expecting the person to complete them, which is indicative of an unhealthy relationship. When one turns to a partner to make them whole, it goes beyond merely calling them their soulmate. They rely heavily on one another to meet each other's every need -- whether physical, financial, or emotional -- potentially leaving both individuals' feeling drained and frustrated. Oftentimes, though, one person is far more dependent on the other, and if they feel their partner isn't there to quell all their worries and fix all their problems, it sends them into a panic. A relationship is a partnership, with both making individual contributions that, at the end of the day, make you one cohesive unit. But to expect your partner to do everything you want, when you want it, is unrealistic -- and unfair. For example, there will be nights where your partne...