How To Understand People

Have you ever wondered how differently things may have panned out in your life had you been able to predict the future? In the realm of relationships, many of us can agree our choices would have been radically different. For example, we may have dated a few people whom at one point seemed like our soulmate -- only to see that relationship crash and burn later on. Or, we wouldn't have accepted jobs at certain companies where we were forced to confront toxic bosses and gossipy co-workers. The same applies to friendships. Many of those we thought were our friends wound up stabbing us on the back. Hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it? But it's not healthful to cry over spilled milk. What's done is done, and we can only learn from such experiences. Unfortunately, we're not mind readers, so there's always the possibility that a person's true personality won't come out till later. Don't lament a relationship or friendship gone awry. Think of it th...

Unfortunately, being needy in a relationship is a surefire recipe for trouble. Neediness communicates to the other person in the relationship that you: Aren't happy on your own Depend on someone else to meet all your emotional needs Don't have enough hobbies to keep you entertained If you aren't happy on your own -- and need someone in your life to fill some void -- then you aren't ready for a relationship, plain and simple. Thus, a partner should enhance or complement your life, not "complete" it. For more great relationship advice and relationship advice, click below: Relationship Tips and Relationship Advice

If someone goads you into giving your personality a makeover for the sake of your relationship, then you're better off kicking him or her to the curb. Human beings come with a set of innate personality attributes, meaning that we've possessed them since the day we were born. If you've always been shy, introverted, silly, or intellectually-driven, for example, why should you be cajoled into changing the essence of your character? A person who pressures you into doing this is being inconsiderate and selfish. How would he like it if you put the same kind of pressure on him? It's important you remind him or her that although you value the relationship, it should not be contingent upon your changing any aspect of your personality. People should love and accept people as they come. If it's still too much for the other person to stomach, you're definitely in the wrong relationship.

As human beings, we like to seek advice from partners, friends, and relatives, especially when we're going through trying times or contemplating a life-changing decision -- like popping the big question or switching jobs. However, sometimes these well-meaning individuals give us misguided suggestions. They dispense advice that reflects what they would do in your situation or what they did when they've found themselves in similar situations -- not necessarily what they feel would be the right course of action for you . For example, let's say you've always dreamed of becoming a professor. Many people might try to dissuade you from breaking into higher education because: "that field is not known to pay well" "there are no professorial jobs" "there's too much bureaucracy" What annoys me most is that there's a good chance none of these individuals have ever even been professors themselves. It's one thing to say that, ...

I'll say Facebook relationships are not like real-life ones, and I'll tell you why. People act differently on Facebook than they do in face-to-face encounters because in the case of the former, there's an audience to take into account. Since others might see your posts (including your co-workers, family members, etc), you might be less inclined to post content that will be called into question or otherwise frowned upon. For example, my closest friend refers to me as his best friend when we're conversing over the phone, but calls me "one of his best friends" when posting messages on my Wall. Could it be he doesn't wish to draw the ire of other close buddies? Is it possible he calls different people his best friend and doesn't want to ruffle anyone's feathers? Your guess is as good as mine. I've also noticed people tend to be hypocritical on Facebook. Two friends may be on bad terms in "real life," but then you see them compliment...

In my last post, I pointed out that friendships can dwindle away when one person's goals and commitment are not aligned with those of the other person. Consequently, all you're really left with are fond memories of yesteryear. It's amazing how close you can be to someone one day and how estranged you can feel in his or her presence years later -- as if you'd never met. I'd bet this is especially the case for divorced parents who have to see each other during an event at their kid's school or ex-buddies whose friendship ended on a bad note. Now, this isn't to say that reconnecting and reverting back to better days is outside the realm of possibility, but it takes effort from both sides to make that happen.

Stop for a second and think about the friendships you've had over the years. Notice a common thread? You've probably been closer to some friends at certain points of your life and to other friends at different stages. Now, this doesn't mean you're no longer friends with them, but it's likely the friendships has fizzled out to some extent and now you view them more like acquaintances. A certain friend might have seemed right to us at a certain point in time -- but years later, that is no longer so. For example, I have a friend with whom I'd play basketball each and every Friday. You can only imagine how much the friendship changed once he had kids. I have another buddy I was very close to back when we were taking classes and working out together. Once we graduated, we seemed to have gone our own separate ways and our friendship hasn't been the same since. Friendships are always stronger when both people are in a similar life stage and share similar goals....

To be fair, not all work relationships are as such, but have you noticed many of our relationships with coworkers are rather superficial? In other words, the only reason why you interact with them is because you have no choice in the matter. I've realized this happens for a variety of reasons. It could be that we're at different life stages, our personalities don't exactly mesh well, or we never got around to building rapport with one another. Or, you've noticed they are just downright unpleasant to deal with and you want no part of that. Whenever possible, try to make the effort to build a good relationship with your coworkers -- even if you have to fake it just a little bit. This in no way means you should allow the person to step all over or otherwise disrespect you. As unfair as it sounds, it seems being successful at work nowadays depends less on your work and more on how likable you are.

Want a surefire way to wreck a relationship? Lying is one of them, let alone lying through your teeth! I've seen so many relationships (including some of mine) fall by the wayside due to dishonesty that I've honestly lost count. People have the false notion that little white lies never add up, but they most certainly do. Not that I'm advocating we keep a tally, but human beings can only take so many lies. Communication is essential to any healthy relationship. If, rather than being upfront from the get go, you feel compelled to lie to your friend or partner, it's time you reevaluated the relationship in question. People might forgive and forget a couple of times, but push them too far and you put the relationship in serious jeopardy. And lying as a form of retaliation is never good either, as two wrongs never make a right. Owning up to your mistakes is always preferable to dishonesty. Not only does it show integrity, but It demonstrates just how much you value t...

To piggyback on one of my recent posts, I can't stress enough that you should never let someone take advantage of you -- nor should you take advantage of someone else. Unfortunately, this becomes more likely when one person in the relationship becomes a little too nice. As the saying goes, too much of something is never good -- as is the case with smoking, unhealthy eating, etc. When one person is too nice and accommodating, the other person in the relationship is likely to exploit this behavior for his or her personal benefit. Never be afraid to stand your ground when you feel you're taking advantage of or lied to. Ironically, people tend to respect you more when you show respect for yourself first.

Studies suggest that sprinkling optimism into any relationship -- whether it's your marriage or your relationship with your overbearing boss -- makes for a much happier one. When people are optimistic, they tend to work harder to solve problems and maintain a sunnier mood. This in turn, leads to fewer arguments and less conflict overall. Studies have also shown that when you're optimistic around others, it not only makes you appear friendlier and more resilient, but it has a "rubbing off" effect -- others themselves become more optimistic when in your presence. We've heard the expression "spread the cheer." Maybe we ought to be saying "spread the optimism"!

A rule of thumb when it comes to relationships: The most successful ones are about give AND take. Once the relationship becomes too one-sided, where one person finds himself doing all the giving and the other taking advantage of the generosity, that's when you know the relationship is on thin ice. To be fair, we may not always be quick to realize we're taking advantage of someone else. Once we do, it's imperative we reverse course and do more to let the other person know we're not in the relationship only for self-gain. If it's the other way around, and you feel you're the one being stepped all over, you have a decision to make: You either confront the person, wait for the individual to make amends on his own, or pull the plug on the relationship for good. A relationship devoid of mutual respect and consideration is one surely heading down the wrong path. A person should never feels as though he or she is simply a means to an end.

Studies have shown that we overestimate the extent to which others agree with us. We tend to believe that our friends, partners, and even co-workers hold the same views we do when it comes to relationships, politics, religion, family life and myriad other topics. It's important to distinguish facts from subjective opinions. For example, just because a person desires to be married with three kids and live in a big house enclosed by a white picket fence doesn't mean everyone wishes to go down that very path. We shouldn't assume that our friends or partners share our preference for chocolate ice cream, baseball, or comedy flicks. "Come on -- EVERYONE likes going to the beach" is something you might hear from a beach lover trying to goad you into going. But if you truly dislike going (whether it's because of a bad experience you had as a child or your general contempt for the sun), don't give in. Stand up for yourself and politely convey that you're no...

Have you ever been in a relationship where you didn't trust the other person -- or vice versa? As I alluded to in my prior post, relationships must be predicated on trust; otherwise, they are doomed to fail.  Whether it's our spouse, a friend we've known for a long time, or even a co-worker, if you can't confide in each other, you're in for a heap of trouble. It's not always easy to forgive when someone in the relationship lies to, deceives, or otherwise betrays the other person. However, as the saying goes, "to err is to be human," and everyone should at least make the effort to hear the guilty party out. I've had several friends who have done things to jeopardize our relationship. Ultimately, though, I had to swallow my pride and give them the opportunity to explain why they behaved as they did. I'm glad I did, because they wound up admitting they were going through trying times in their lives and took it out on the wrong person (me). ...

Since this blog centers on  relationship advice , relationship counseling ,and relationship tips , I thought it'd be prudent to start off by defining what a relationship is. My personal definition of a relationship is the manner in which human beings connect with one another, the state of being connected. We have relationships with people of all sorts, including: Family members  Partners/spouses Friends Acquaintances Neighbors Landlords Doctors Dentists Lawyers Accountants And the list goes on.  We can all agree that hold some people we know in higher regard than others. The best relationships, moreover, are those that are built on trust, loyalty, and other enduring attributes.  My main goal in creating this blog is to help you navigate the relationships in your life, whether they be healthy or troublesome. I hope you will turn to this blog for valuable advice on ways to deal with the problems you confront in your relationships on a daily ...

Welcome to my new blog -- Relationship Advice and Relationship Tips! My name is Jeff Martinez and I'm excited about the opportunity to share with you my insights into the fascinating world of relationship psychology. I graduated with a degree in psychology and have always been ferociously passionate about the human mind. To me, there's nothing quite as fascinating as studying how we think -- why we gravitate toward certain people and not others, how our personalities dictate how we react to situations, why our behavior changes based on context and myriad other factors, and so on. As you'll note from the title of the blog, I aim to make this site a rich repository of content that focuses primarily on useful relationship tips and relationship advice . When I say relationships, I'm referring to:  Relationships with your partner or spouse Relationships with your co-workers Relationships with your friends Relationships with acquaintances Your relationship wit...