How To Understand People

I've gone to more job interviews than I can count with my hands and toes. Over the years, I've observed signals conveying that the interviewer isn't sufficiently interested in me as a candidate, whether it's because they've already chosen an internal candidate for the job, feel I'm asking for too much money, or think I lack job experience. Such signs may include wrapping up the interview quickly. For example, I was once invited to an interview for a job with my alma mater. It lasted a whopping five minutes, leading me to assume that job had someone else's name on it and they were just going through the motions to conform to hiring regulations. It's also not a good sign when I'm not asked any questions, when the interviewer arrives late/doesn't seem prepared for the interview, or when they're blatantly rude or disrespectful. Employers who are genuinely interested in you don't stoop to this level; they care about the impression th...

Whatever you do, don't harp on the past . Reminiscing is good, but only up to a point. If you find yourself stuck in the past rather than focusing on present and future goals, you're only inhibiting your growth.  Sure, we all have moments where we reflect on happier times in our life and say, "I almost miss those days." But we are prone to such thinking when faced with challenges in the present that drag us down. But why not tweak your thinking and reason that once you surmount those challenges, you'll be even happier -- and feel more accomplished -- than you did in the past? Then there are those of us who ruminate on bad experiences in the past -- a close friend inexplicably stabbing us in the back, a significant other we envisioned ourselves being with our whole lives suddenly proclaiming their need for space and effectively ending the relationship, an outstanding job opportunity that slipped through our fingers. But brooding over the past i...

How many letters do you handwrite and mail in a year? If you're like most people, the answer is probably zero. Email, texting, and social media have essentially rendered the practice of writing letters by hand obsolete. Despite their being old school, a person might still write one when they want to add a personal touch that doesn't carry over digitally  -- say, a child writing to his pen pal, a foreign exchange student reaching out to family from the other side of the world, or a hopeless romantic who wishes to spill his guts via pen and paper. Can you guess how many letters Thomas Jefferson, the third president of the United States, wrote in his lifetime? Mind you, there was no Yahoo, Facebook, or Twitter in the 1700s and 1800s. Even the telephone wasn't invented until 1876, and Jefferson died in 1826. That means people in Jefferson's time had to make do with communicating through correspondence. And, evidently, Jefferson was nothing short of a pro. He...

Have you ever heard or used the word apocryphal before? When I first stumbled upon the word in a book I was reading, I thought the word had a dark, brooding feel to it. Perhaps it's because you can almost spell "crypt" in the word. In reality, it means something -- whether a story, account, or statement -- that is of doubtful authenticity, although widely circulated as being true. Synonyms for apocryphal include fictitious, untrue, spurious, unsubstantiated, bogus, and false. I'm sure we can all point to one specific thing in school or the workplace that can often be described as apocryphal: rumors and gossip. Many of the statements made by candidates during the presidential election last year could also be classified as such, which is why fact checking has become all the rage in politics. All of us have friends, relatives or coworkers who relate stories that at times seem, well, exaggerated. And, yet, even though their authenticity may seem questionable...

When someone shows you their true colors, never try to paint a different picture. Many of us like giving others the benefit of the doubt. We see the glass as half full. We're optimists by nature rather than cynics. We like to see the best in people even in the face of evidence to the contrary. Unfortunately, having such a romantic view of human nature doesn't always pay off. Looking at someone through rose-colored glasses even when they've shown themselves to be unreliable, dishonest, manipulative, or opportunistic, can come back to bite us in a bad way. We've all been in situations where people -- friends, relatives, significant others -- have wronged us. We accept what we construe as their heartfelt apology and forgive them, steadfast in our belief that they won't do it again. Then, they do it again. And again. And again. I can't help but repeat that trite expression you've likely heard a million times by now: "Fool me once -- shame o...

We argue with our significant other. It's a fact of life.  However, we can only hope that our bond will emerge stronger following the tiff -- with both partners poised to take each other's concerns into account and work toward allaying them -- than before. Here's the issue: There's constructive fighting -- where both voice their grievances in a tactful, non-accusatory way, and then there's vicious fighting , an all-out brawl where both individuals stop at nothing to say the nastiest things to one another.  Needless to say, you definitely want to steer clear of the latter if you want to avoid derailing the relationship. It will only cause the fighting to escalate, widening the ever-yawning rift between you and your partner and making you resentful of one another.  One thing many of us do which is a big no-no is the following: Instead of beginning with, "I feel hurt" or "I think you're being unfair," we frame our arguments in ...

That's what I always tell myself when I'm angry over something that really isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Isn't it funny how many of the things we complain about are ones that we might not even remember in a year's -- or even a week's-- time? We sweat the small stuff. We make mountains out of molehills, all while other people out there have it far worse. Whenever you feel tempted to sound off about something that's bothering you, stop and ask yourself whether getting all bent out of shape is really beneficial. That's not to say you shouldn't stand up for yourself, or that you should keep silent when someone is doing something that isn't on the up and up. However, we often say and do things that we later come to regret because we let our emotions get the best of us. We feel so compelled to win an argument or get our way that all rational thinking goes out the window. When I find myself in such a negative emotional st...

Rockingham Historic Site is a little-known place with a big history. It was the home of John Berrien I (1712–1772) and George Washington's final headquarters during the Revolutionary War, located in the Rockingham section of Franklin Township in Somerset County, New Jersey. The house has been moved within southern Franklin Township several times and is now closer to the Franklin portion of Kingston than to Rocky Hill. While the Continental Congress convened in Princeton, Rockingham served as General George Washington's final Revolutionary War headquarters for over two months in 1783. On October 31, 1783, Washington and Congress received fantastic news -- the final version of the Treaty of Paris had finally been signed and the thirteen colonies were now independent of Great Britain. For eight years, Washington had served his country in the American Revolution. He wrote the Farewell Orders to the Armies of the United States at Rockingham in late October, which were then...

When you ask people what happiness means to them, most will respond with platitudes like "having a lot of money" or "being loved." To me, though, the real meaning of happiness runs a whole lot deeper. And if there ever was a definition of the word that captures the true essence of happiness, it would have to be the one below, which I found via a Facebook page a couple of days ago: "Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that it is." The first part of that sentence -- "what you think your life is supposed to look like" -- is simply another way of saying "social pressure." Many of us think that if we don't live up to societal expectations -- getting married, buying a house, having kids, landing a high-powered job -- we've failed ourselves and our loved ones. We're constantly comparing ourselves to friends, relatives, neighbors, and coworkers, ...

One of my favorite movie quotes comes from "Under Siege 2," a rather obscure 1995 action thriller starring Steven Seagal. During an exchange between the two main villains, one assures the other that our hero (Seagal) disappeared and is presumably dead. Then the other curtly asks, "Did you see the body?" before delivering a powerful line I've never forgotten since watching the movie as a kid: "Assumption is the mother of all f*ck-ups." We've all been there. We (or someone we know) make a choice without doing our due diligence -- perhaps out of sheer laziness or carelessness -- and later say, "I just assumed so and so." Later, we feel a sense of regret and wish we had done our research. For example, my wife often assumes that just because she sees a product being advertised on the website of a given retailer -- say, Macy's -- they're bound to have that very item available at our local store. Such a faulty assumption resu...

Regrettably, even I have yet to visit Monticello, the estate of third U.S. president Thomas Jefferson, who spent more than forty years designing, dismantling, and reimagining this "essay in architecture," as he called it.  The property is regarded a national treasure -- both for its historical significance and beauty. It's perched atop a lofty hill in Albemarle County, Virginia, not far from Jefferson's birthplace of Shadwell.  Franklin Delano Roosevelt once wrote, "Monticello speaks to me as an expression of the personality of its builder."  Indeed, if you were to pick the president with the widest range of hobbies and abilities, Jefferson would have to be in the Top 3. He was a writer, inventor, philosopher, architect, scientist, scholar, gardener, statesman, founder of the University of Virginia, viticulturalist, and the list goes on. Unlike any of the other 43 men to take office, Jefferson was a polymath -- a true intellectual and Renaissanc...

Ah, the notorious dead-end job. You know, the kind that offers little to no potential for advancement. The type where you've mastered all your tasks, are learning nothing new, and feel as though you're stagnating. Unfortunately, many of us find ourselves in this boat. I, for one, have been on the lookout for better opportunities for some time now, but have yet to reel in something good enough to leave my current dead-end position for, which at least pays well and provides great benefits. It can be a challenge for even some of the most experienced job hunters to pinpoint a dead-end job. Here are some telltale signs that it may be time to start polishing up that resume: 1. There's high turnover. 2. Several people have been in the same positions for years and years. 3. Your job doesn't make good use of your skills. 4. You feel as though opportunities to expand your skill set and grow professionally are few and far between. 5. There's promotion in sight. E...

As the late great British novelist C.S. Lewis once said, " You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream." I totally concur. Whether you want to switch careers at 40, make new friends at 50, or travel the world at 60, your age should not hinder you from striving to achieve goals big and small. I've read success stories about senior citizens starting new businesses, skydiving, finding love, and achieving other impressive feats. We can't assume that they didn't at least try to accomplish these things earlier in life. Maybe it just wasn't in the cards for them at that juncture, or it took a few repeated attempts before things worked out. These individuals inspire younger generations to pursue their passions at full throttle. Their remarkable achievements send a clear message: That it's better late than never. Just because you can't achieve something, say, in your 30s, doesn't mean you can't achieve it later in life. ...

When I look at paintings of historic figures, I can't help but notice that a great deal of them sport powdered wigs. Since my days as a youth in history class, I've wondered why this is so, and recently I stumbled upon an article that demystified the practice for me. As it turns out, it was a syphilis outbreak in Europe in the late 1500s that triggered a huge demand for wigs. People used powdered wigs called perukes -- made of goat, horse, or human hair and coated with scented powder -- to hide the baldness, bloody sores, and unseemly aromas caused by the STD. Interestingly, at the time, long hair was a trendy status symbol, and a bald head was considered hideous enough to besmirch one's reputation. Thus, it's no surprise people went to such lengths to acquire perukes and avoid that kind of shame. Although common, wigs weren't considered stylish until 1655, when Louis XIV, the King of France, began wearing them to hide his balding. Five years later, Charle...

Yesterday, I came across the word "slake" in a book I'm currently reading on Thomas Jefferson. I'd never heard or used the word before, prompting me to look up its meaning. It turns out that slake means to satisfy a craving, to quench. For example, when you want to slake your thirst, you may drink from a fountain or grab a can of soda. Other synonyms include satisfy, sate, assuage, and allay. Had you ever heard of the word before reading this post?

So many of us have a tendency to base our decisions around those of others. We buy a certain car because our neighbor just bought a similar one. We suddenly feel the urge to have a child because all our friends are having kids. Our coworker gets a promotion and all of the sudden, we want one. Even though we don't drink or eat sushi, everyone in our book club does, so we feel pressured to follow suit. Unfortunately, many us fall victim to the herd mentality. We'll do almost anything not to stand apart from our fellow peers in any way. We hate the thought of being ostracized or left out, so we try to shadow their behavior -- in everything from the clothes they wear to the products they buy. I'm of the belief that embracing your uniqueness is the key to self-fulfillment. People will always try to impose their beliefs and attitudes on you so you can think and act like them. Why? Because it validates the decisions they've made. If you opt to go down a different pat...

On this day in 1800, President John Adams became the first acting president to take up residence in Washington, D.C. Unfortunately, the White House (or President’s Mansion or President’s House as it known at the time), was still unfinished, so Adams moved into temporary digs at Tunnicliffe’s City Hotel near the also half-completed Capitol building. The final site for the nation’s capital had been selected by George Washington while he was still president in 1790. Construction on the President’s House commenced in 1792, but was not completed until late 1800. When Adams first arrived in Washington on June 3, he wrote to his wife Abigail that he was pleased with the new site for the federal government and had explored the soon-to-be President’s House with contentment. However, he showed weariness at being unsettled. On November 1, Adams finally moved into his official residence, with the paint and plaster still drying and the building surrounded by weeds. Abigail Adams arrived in ...

There are times in life where we envision a person or situation being a certain way, only to find that our expectations don't live up to reality. Maybe we picture our partner turning from a slob to a neat freak, or becoming a huge sports fan or sci-fi geek like ourselves. But after several years, it just hasn't happened. Perhaps we've imagined ourselves working in our dream job -- whether it be as a news anchor for CNN or a world-renowned chef -- but find ourselves nowhere near reaching that goal. Just because the situation at hand isn't ideal doesn't mean you can't take a moment to appreciate the progress you've made. Maybe your boyfriend is much more receptive to watching The Walking Dead than he was a year ago because your enthusiasm for the show has rubbed off on him. Or, you might not yet be, say, the manager of the marketing department, but perhaps you've gone from intern to coordinator in a very short period of time, which in itself is t...

June, named after Juno -- the goddess of marriage -- is the sixth month of the year and one of four months in the year with a length of 30 days. June also boasts the longest daylight hours of the year. Holidays include Flag Day and Father's Day. Summer officially kicks off on June 21, and the Summer Solstice falls on this month as well. Did you know there's a June beetle? Named after the month of June, it's only seen in May and June in the U.S. Gemini and Cancer are the two Zodiac signs that fall in the month of June, with the birthstones being Alexandrite, Moonstone, and Pearl. Here are some noteworthy historic events that took place in the month of June: June 3, 1539: De Soto claims Florida for Spain June 20, 1782: Congress adopts the design for the Great Seal of the United States June 20, 1793: Eli Whitney applies for a patent on the cotton gin June 15, 1844: Charles Goodyear is granted a patent for rubber vulcanization  June 20, 1867: President Andrew J...