How To Understand People

Boston delights locals and travelers alike with everything from history and shopping to art and dining. There's so much to do and see in this charming city that its hotels -- some of which are notable destinations in their own right -- get overlooked. One such gem is the Omni Parker House . This 161-year-old, 551-room hotel in downtown Boston is the longest continuously operating hotel in the country -- the first in Boston to offer elevator service and running water. The hotel has played host to every American president since Ulysses S. Grant. However, none has had stronger ties to the upscale hotel than John F. Kennedy. He made his first public speech at the age of seven in the Press Room while attending his grandfather's birthday party. The Press Room later became the place where he announced his candidacy for U.S. Congress and where he held his bachelor party. Moreover, Kennedy proposed to Jacqueline Bouvier at the Parker’s Restaurant, Table 40. The Saturday Club, a ...

Certain people seem terribly misinformed when it comes to what makes a savvy consumer. They simply can't say no to a sale or discount, even if the product they're buying isn't something they really need or ever plan to use. Whether they're trying to take advantage of buy-one-get-one-free deals on cold cuts at the grocery store or deep discounts on apparel at the mall, they don't realize that, in the quest to save money, they're still spending lots of it. In other words, people don't mind spending money they otherwise would not fork over if it means they're getting it for less. For many consumers, the thrill of snagging a bargain is irresistible. It's no surprise, then, that many people find themselves chronically debt-ridden. Unfortunately, retailers have gotten smart at baiting shoppers with these ploys. By saying that a sale is only available for a limited time, or that items are running out, people are quick to act because they don...

Usually, walking away from someone has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. You may be asking how this is possible. Well, those who have had to walk away from relationships because they've felt abused, ignored, or taken advantage of can attest to one thing: They didn't do it because they wanted to show the other person their worth. They did it because they themselves realized their worth. It was at that defining moment in their lives that they knew they could no longer be with someone who diminished them. Instead, they knew that the right person would enhance their life; he or she would help them grow into an even better version of themselves. But as long as they hesitated to walk away -- likely because of the paralyzing fear of being alone or having to start all over -- their destructive partners would continue to hinder their progress and fill their lives with angst. If someone is causing you tremendous pain, and you just can't ...

What do you think the three most precious things we can give someone are? If things like a whole lot of cash, a fancy car, or jewelry come to mind, you're not even close. The things I'm alluding to are intangible virtues that go far deeper. The three biggest gifts we can provide are our love , our trust , and our time . Love : This one is a no-brainer. Human beings seek others' love from the moment they're born. As adults, we turn to our partners, relatives, friends, and even our coworkers for love and support. If we can say that we truly love someone, it means they occupy a special place in our hearts, and we'd be willing to do virtually anything to make them happy. Trust: It can be difficult for us to trust people. After all, once someone breaks our trust, not only are we reluctant to trust that particular individual again, we make it harder for other people to earn it. To trust someone is to become vulnerable. Essentially, you're giving that person ...

Most people have valid reasons for entering into a relationship, from desiring a long-term commitment to wishing to take a friendship with someone special in their lives to the next level. Then there are those who serve up terrible reasons for taking this major step in their lives. Without a doubt, two of the most dubious would have to be these: 1. They want someone to "complete" them. Can you think of a greater burden to place on a significant than making them responsible for your happiness? A partner is a welcome enhancement in anyone's life, but never should he or she be viewed as a be-all and end-all. Other things and people bring us joy, from our friends and pets to our very hobbies. While we often turn to our partner for love, comfort, and security, there are situations (e.g., argument with a parent or an issue with the boss) in which someone else -- say, a sibling or coworker -- may actually be a bigger help than our partner. Happiness comes fro...

One of the surest ways to have people to step all over you is to always wear your heart on your sleeve and not think things through rationally. Some people go to great lengths to avoid conflict and confrontation -- so much so that they'll acquiesce to others' every desire. Being too much of a people pleaser, ironically, will hurt you in the end -- the exact scenario you're aiming to avoid in the first place --because someone will eventually exploit your generous nature to get as much out of you as they can. Yes, you should try to do favors for others and lend a hand when it's needed. But you shouldn't be afraid to say no to someone for fear of disappointing them or causing a rift in the relationship. A relationship built on fear is no relationship at all. If something so minute can lead to tensions in the relationship, it begs the question: Is this the kind of person you want to be around? You can be nice without being a doormat. It may sound counterintu...

The benefits good people provide in our lives are varied and obvious. They're kind, loving, and compassionate. They teach us to be grateful for the support and generosity we receive from loved ones, especially during difficult times. Now what about bad people -- the selfish, narcissistic, dishonest, insensitive, opportunistic individuals we come across every now and then? Do they benefit us in any way? Absolutely. Like the good people, they teach us a valuable lesson: Whom not to associate with. They demonstrate the opposite qualities we should strive to develop and nurture ourselves, seek in other people, and instill in our children. They embody precisely the kind of person we should aim to avoid because, rather than enhance our lives like the good people do, they diminish them with their pride, self-absorption, and callousness. Granted, nobody's perfect. We all exhibit shades of selfishness here and there. We all fib on occasion. But some people take it to a who...

A couple of readers I've corresponded with recently have lamented the fact that someone who means a great deal to them -- whether their partner, child, or friend -- is either giving them the cold shoulder or flat-out treating them like garbage. Both are on bad terms because of a misunderstanding or argument of some sort; still, they've done their part to try and mend fences, but such efforts have proven fruitless. Here's a quote I came across today that is quite apropos: "Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth."  Put simply, just because one person fails to recognize the immense value you bring to their life doesn't mean others will make the same costly mistake.  That one person's untoward behavior should not eclipse the high marks you receive from those who do appreciate you.  Many people have a tendency to harp on the negative; they can't bear the thought of someone not liking them.  ...

You should never be afraid to lose people -- whether close friends or mere acquaintances -- if keeping them in your life means losing yourself in the process. And how might you lose yourself? You can lose your self-identity by (1) changing yourself to appease them (2) doing everything in your power to please them while neglecting your own needs and wants. Sure, in any relationship, a little flexibility -- some give and take, if you will -- is to be expected. Sometimes you may accede to the other's wishes as far as where to go and what to do. Maybe your friend has kids and you don't, which necessitates planning outings around their busy schedule. But a line needs to be drawn somewhere. If you find yourself making concession after concession while the other person refuses to meet you halfway on anything, let's call the relationship what it really is -- one-sided. Unfortunately, some people become a little too complacent, expecting the other person to always bend...