How To Understand People

I took a gander at my wedding pictures and realized that I haven't spoken to many of the attendees who appear in them since the occasion itself. I also reflected on how different some of these people -- and our relationship -- were when we first met. Life changes us all, some a little more than others. Marriage, kids, moving, shifting jobs and changing interests cause us to drift apart from people we were at one point very close to. It's hard to think that some of the people you would interact with on a daily basis are hardly in your life now. Luckily for us, while people have a tendency to change over time, memories endure. I may have lost contact with many of my closest friends from high and college, but the great times we shared remain firmly seared in my memory. When one of those friends comes to mind, I try to reminisce about the good old days, and not fixate on the fact that we've become estranged of late. This phenomenon applies to even my closest friendships. ...

If you're feeling a little blue, all it takes to turn that frown upside down is a little mental rewiring. The best way to do this is to stay busy. Keeping your mind occupied prevents you from ruminating on negative things for too long. If you love animals, the "aww" moment you get from seeing a picture of a newborn kitten might be all it takes to change your mood. (This works for me, as I have a soft spot for animals.) Whether you enjoy sports, cooking, reality TV, or reading fiction novels, focusing on things you like pushes your thinking in a much more positive direction. The point is that sadness and negativity can eat away at us. Unfortunately, things of a negative nature have a much stronger effect on us than those of a positive nature. Is it any wonder the news is saturated with stories that center on death and murder? Remind yourself to always cancel out a negative thought with a positive one. DO NOT let the negative ones infiltrate and take over your mind! J...

When I compare what my personality was like growing up to what it is today, not much has changed. And that should come as no surprise. A study I read about recently concluded that our personalities don't change much after the 1st grade. Think about it: Once we hit the 1st grade -- that's around 7 years of age -- our personalities remain mostly fixed the rest of our lives. That means that if you were predisposed to being shy, quiet, angry, or aggressive then, there's a good chance you are the same way now. Even so, as we get older, our experiences help shape us into the person we are today, so I think it's a combination of genetics as well as our environment. Experiences not only make us wiser, but they help guide our future behavior. For example, taking karate in middle school may have made you bolder, being involved in a car accident while in high school may have made you more appreciative of life, and so on. The people we hang out with may also influence what ...

Studies show that too many compliments can go to your head -- and fast. I can vouch for the veracity of these studies, as I've experienced this firsthand and have seen a few friends change dramatically as a result of too many compliments. Let's face it: When people compliment us, it feels really good. Whether they're commending us on something we put together at work or complimenting us on our getup, compliments feed our egos and make us feel like a million bucks. They lead to increased feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. They validate something about us that we've likely put considerable effort into improving. People thrive on positive feedback from others; it gives us the impetus to continue striving for improvement. When I lost roughly 25 pounds in 2013, I started getting more looks from women at the gym and at work. It felt great considering the hours I was putting in at the gym and the willpower it took to cut back on my favorite goods. It's never fun...

As I've stated in other posts, when it comes to the question of whether or not to have kids, I'm still on the fence. While I have moments where I envision myself being a good dad to a little girl, the realities of parenthood -- loss of sleep and freedom among them -- are rather off-putting. I've noticed that ever since my best friend and many of my family members had kids, my relationships with them haven't been the same. That's understandable considering the extent to which children change one's life and how much of your time they take up. However, I can't help but feel a smidgen of jealousy that the kids have "stolen" these people from my life. Not only does my friend have two kids, but he moved nearly 6 hours away from me for a job opportunity. I've noticed that when my friend gets time away from his family and is able to call me, he lets loose like he used to back in his pre-marriage/pre-fatherhood days.(When his family is around, he ...

Many people say that hard work accounts for one's success while others contend that luck is the single most important contributing factor. It reminds me of a famous question posed by Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), the 3rd President of the United States and author of the Declaration of Independence: "Why is it that the harder I try, the more luck I seem to have?" In other words, another school of thought is that hard work leads to luck, which in turn creates fortuitous circumstances that make success easier to attain. I am of the opinion that success depends on hard work and luck. From what I understand, before Justin Bieber became a megastar -- when he was just a regular kid no one knew of -- he would post videos of himself singing on YouTube. The videos garnered heaps of praise, but that still didn't translate into dollar signs. All it took was for Usher, who is a world-renowned singer in his own right, to take notice of the videos in order for Bieber'...

My biggest regret is not making more friends in college. As we speak, I only have three strong in-person friendships. I've known one guy for 12 years, the other for 15, and the third one since kindergarten. The rest of my friends are merely acquaintances -- people you say hi to on Facebook every once in a while or see only at special occasions. I'm the type of person who would rather have 3 really strong friendships than a slew of superficial convenience-type ones. Still, it would have been interesting to make at least a couple more friends in college and see if those bonds would stand the test of time, distance, and change of lifestyle. Let's face it. After college, our lives change, as do we. And once a spouse and kids are thrown into the picture, we may not have as much time left over for friends. Family comes first. I'm thankful for the opportunity to make so many online friends through this blog. I consider you all more than readers -- you're true frien...

All of us are prone to getting bogged down by negative thoughts, most of which are triggered either by things that happen to us or things others do. For example, we have a tendency to become despondent as a result of having arguments with those closest to us, including our spouses and friends. As I have told some of my readers individually, you cannot -- I repeat, cannot -- let those negative thoughts trickle into your mind. As soon as they're there, it becomes very difficult to shake them off. Here's a tip you'll want to keep in your back pocket: As soon as you find those negative thoughts trying to get a hold on you, you can undo them by quickly thinking of positive things that make you happy, whether they be your kids smiling, puppies and kittens, a sun-drenched beach, or a strawberry sundae. You want your mind to be flooded with positive, feel-good thoughts rather than negative, injurious ones, don't you? Life is too short to allow people or situations tha...

I'd like to take this moment to take a poll: What is it that helps you be more productive throughout the day? Here are a few options from which to choose, but feel free to mention not one on this list -- it is by no means exhaustive. Coffee Energy drinks Music Exercise (whether in the morning or afternoon) Taking short breaks to read Walking around Doing something on your phone or computer (playing games, etc.) Aside from the obvious (writing and blogging), I find that music keeps me productive. The work day goes by so much quicker with music! Think about it: Assuming that each song is 3 minutes on average, that means that once you've listened to 20 songs, a whole hour has gone by.  If you really love the songs you're listening to, and assuming you encounter slow periods at work, music can definitely be a blessing. While listening to music, I seem to get more work done, too. I love exercising as well, but only when I can have my iPod at full blast. T...

I've talked to some of my readers on this blog about a situation involving my closest friend. Long story short, he did something that really ticked me off -- mind you, this is the second time he's done it -- and now I intend to inflict what I consider to be the worst kind of punishment: indifference. The reason why I think indifference is the cruelest type of punishment is because it basically communicates that you couldn't care less about the person anymore. What he or she does or says no longer matters to you -- you are perfectly fine shutting the individual out of your life for good. This may not be the case at all;  you might still care deeply about the person. But at the end of the day, life is really more about what you perceive to be true than what may in fact be true. Many people imagine that getting riled up and lashing out at the person is the worst thing you can do, but I don't find this to be the case. Why? Because when you're angry, you're demon...

Studies show there are two things most people hate saying the most. Want to know what they are? Are you ready? Here goes... People hate saying: "I was wrong" "I'm sorry" To be honest, this doesn't surprise me in the slightest. People seemingly are becoming more selfish and arrogant by the day. It seems the headlines are mostly dominated by news of robberies, hit-and-run accidents where the driver didn't so much as stop to help the pedestrian who was stuck, and more. Ours is a culture that revolves around "me, me, and me" -- one in which greed and self-absorption rule the day. Why is it so difficult for people to fess up to their mistakes and apologize? Why must people be so stubborn and selfish? One of the qualities I value most about myself is my humility. I own up to my mistakes and apologize for them. But most people just aren't like this. Rather than admit their mistakes, they point fingers and throw othe...

The last 11 or so months have been quite eventful to say the least. My wife and I got married, went on our honeymoon (our first time traveling by plane and outside our home state), and we recently bought a condo. While it's certainly been an exciting period in my life, it's also been the most stressful by far. I find myself edgier than ever. Closing on the condo took a lot longer than we expected and was mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. I don't know if it's any coincidence that within the 11-month span we've been married, I've gotten into heated arguments with my 3 closest friends, all of whom I've known for 15 or more years. It seems the arguments have debilitated the friendships to such a degree that I doubt all 3 will survive. I guess when you're under a lot of stress, it's not as easy to hold your emotions in check. The other contributing factor may be that I no longer have a lot in common with any of the three. While I recen...

It's just one of countless stereotypes that never seem to go away: that men are purely rational creatures who don't show emotion. I am a man and not ashamed to admit that I show a healthy dose of emotion. I can't bear to see a dead animal, or one in any sort of pain. I had a cat for 25 years that I found dead in my yard in 2005. I had another cat who vanished on a cool December night, never to be seen again. I found my third cat -- only about a year and a half at the time -- lying lifeless across the street from my home. I cried all three times as if i had lost a member of the family. I also cry whenever I see sad stories involving animals in movies or TV shows. I have also cried when I have confronted challenging moments, like when I was laid off in the throes of the financial crisis and felt like I'd never find a half-decent job. So, if there was any doubt in your mind as to whether men have shows of affection, there's your answer. Now, for women, is there...

Many of us get so caught up striving for bigger, better things that we sometimes fail to appreciate what we already have in front of us. We yearn for bigger things with more bells and whistles -- the latest smartphone, a newer car, a snazzier watch -- when the stuff we currently have works well and may not even need replacing. The same goes for finding a new, better job. We mustn't fall into a pattern of simply wanting the next best thing because we've grown bored with what we already own. If the items have seen better days -- if wear and tear is in evidence -- then it makes perfect sense to make an upgrade. Otherwise, why make the switch? I'm all for aiming for better things and opportunities, but we needn't get carried away. I have a friend who changes jobs every two years because he gets bored that quickly. I also know several people who flip cars and houses every so often to feed their compulsion for change and newness. At the end of the day, they're our...

Have you noticed that we tend to derive more pleasure from pursuing a product than actually using it? It's very much like dating and relationships. Some people feel that chasing after a love interest is more exhilarating than actually locking in and dating the person. I majored in marketing and minored in psychology, so I know full well that emotions play a pivotal role in consumer behavior. Emotions, stirred up in part by the advertisements that assail us on a daily basis, are what drive us to buy stuff -- and that includes products that we may neither need or use. Whether it's the sense of accomplishment that comes over us when we take advantage of a "buy one, get one free" sale or the prospect of buying something that can help us shed weight, look younger, or land more dates, purchasing things gives us an emotional high not unlike that experienced when kissing someone for the first time or receiving your first paycheck. But once you have the object of your de...

Remember back in the day when glasses with thick black frames were considered trendy only if you were a senior citizen? Things sure have changed. Nowadays, you see everyone wearing them, from professors and rappers to politicians and news anchors. I own a pair myself, which I purchased about five years ago. I've also noticed that many of these very individuals sport what's traditionally considered "preppy" clothes, including argyle sweaters and cardigans. Has geek become the new chic? Why is the librarian look suddenly in fashion? I've always told my wife, who has dressed in preppy clothes and worn black-framed glasses since we first started dating in 2005, that I find the librarian look on women to be very attractive. It makes a woman look smarter and thus twice as sexy, at least in my book. I embraced the preppy look well before this looking-nerdy-is-cool craze took hold. I feel it's the right look for me because I'm a writer and bookworm, an...

Whether it's on TV or in the workplace, the general consensus seems to be that women gossip, backstab, and stir up more conflict than men do. But, as with every other topic, I thought it only fair to put this so-called stereotype under the microscope. If you watch reality shows like Celebrity Apprentice, you'll notice it's the women who spend far more time bickering. While the men do at times become embroiled in tit for tat, it's the women who are portrayed as meaner and more hostile. In the workplace, I have noticed that women seem to gossip far more than their male counterparts. I haven't really seen any cases where a person blatantly backstabs the other, but I have caught both men and women in little white lies. If it is true that women are generally more into backstabbing and gossiping than men, why is this the case? I believe that it isn't fair to make a blanket statement like "all women play these games while all men keep to themselves and pre...

Over the last few days, several of you have shared inspirational stories about rebounding from potentially life-shattering circumstances to become not only a much stronger person, but a shining role model to your family and friends. I selected today's quotes with you in mind. "A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties." - Harry S. Truman (1884-1972), 33rd President of the United States "When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." - Henry Ford (1863-1947), American industrialist and founder of Ford Motor Company You certainly embody Truman's definition of an optimist, and you've demonstrated a relentless poise to overcome hardship -- an airplane that has made it through the worst kind of turbulence. Just know that I -- along with other fellow posters on this board -- are here to help yo...

Are you attracted to mysterious men or women, or do you prefer people who leave nothing to the imagination? As someone who tends to keep to himself in public, I've been told by various women that I can be rather mysterious. I'd like to think that that can be an asset on the dating front, but not everyone is drawn to enigmatic individuals. Those who are like the challenge of "figuring out" the other person, and are drawn to the prospect of getting someone to come out of his or her shell. Those who don't might feel it's akin to playing a game and may even dismiss the mysterious person as stuck-up or antisocial. I think there has to be a balance. You can't be so mysterious that no one knows anything about you other than your gender and physical features. However, voicing everything and anything about yourself leaves nothing to the imagination -- you're like an open book. I think keeping a little mystery works in the dating arena; however, once you...

Did you ever fall into the bad boys trap? Why is it that some women fall for jerks rather than for guys who treat them with respect? Do these girls have little to no respect for themselves? Deep down, do they feel that they don't deserve for someone to treat them well? I think that girls who do this have been burned in the past, get hung up on trying to "change" the guy, or find him much more exciting than the predictable and sappy nice guy. I think it also speaks to their emotional maturity -- or lack thereof. While most of these girls are able to shake off this so-called bad boy syndrome, others struggle with it even into their adult years. Trying to change a bad boy or jerk is an exercise in futility. While some people do change for the better as they age, others don't change at all, or worse -- they change for the worst. Bad boys emit what many girls perceive as self-confidence, but little do they know that it's all a front. In actuality, these guy...

I'm not sure if you've seen "School of Rock" starring Jack Black, but there's a scene in the movie where Joan Cusack, who plays a tough-as-nails prep school principal reviled for her disciplinarian ways, tells her fellow colleagues that it's always best to "over prepare." "The best defense is a good offense," she goes on to say. As someone with OCD-like tendencies, I've always lived by this motto. Just yesterday, as I was pulling into the parking lot of my barber shop, I noticed there was no available parking, which left me no choice but to find a metered space in the adjacent street. I debated how much change to put in the meter and wound up putting enough to last me an hour and 40 minutes. Initially, I thought I had gone overboard. "Why did I put so much?" I asked myself. It usually takes my barber about 20-30 minutes to cut my hair, but the only difference was this particular appointment was scheduled for the early afte...

I thought it'd be a good time to interrupt the usual format of posts and do something a little different this time. In this post, I want to give you guys -- my readers -- the opportunity to ask me any questions you may have in mind. Whether you need advice on ways to stand up to your boss, tips on how to get a date, or some relationship do's and don'ts, I want to help you out! Don't be shy -- ask away and let me know what's on your mind.