How To Understand People

The world consists of 8 planets, 204 countries, 804 islands, 7 seas, and a whopping 7 billion people. We're merely a speck in this vast, ever-expanding universe. That being said, should you allow one person -- whether your obnoxious boss, an annoying neighbor, or the maniac who cut you off while driving to work this morning -- to sabotage your day? Of course not. In the grand scheme of life, the kinds of things we bicker and complain about are insignificant. Taking on this attitude is easier said than done in a tense, emotionally-charged situation where someone really tests your patience. For example, let's pretend someone cuts you off on your way to work, nearly hitting the brand new car you've worked your behind off to afford. While you're both at a red light, the driver of the other car gets out of his vehicle and exhorts you -- in an expletive-laden rant -- to learn how to drive, even though he was the one who failed to observe the rules of the road. And...

Do you embrace your uniqueness? Do you like the fact that you have quirks, talents, and convictions that set you apart from your peers? Do you take pride in the fact that there can never be another you ? If so, the last thing you should allow is for other people to change you. I mean, really...who are they to dictate how you should think and act? Are you not a grown adult capable of making your own decisions? As I've stressed in several other posts, people will try to goad you into changing for a variety of reasons: There's something about you that's a little different, and that makes them feel uncomfortable and insecure. They subscribe to the herd mentality, believing everyone in their immediate circle should share exactly the same beliefs, habits, goals, etc. They secretly envy you: Rather than celebrate your good qualities, they'd rather see you lose them; instead of cheering your successes, they take delight in your failures.  Indeed, certain people we...

Want to please everyone around you? Don't even bother. It's a fact of that life that people always find something to criticize you about, whether it's your new car ("it's so small"), the decorations used at your wedding reception ("they're so tacky"), or your profession ("she could have gone into something more lucrative"). Needless to say, someone will always take issue with something you do or don't do. Should you care? Absolutely not! As long as you're happy, that's all that matters. Be confident in your choices and do whatever gratifies you. It is, after all, your life and not theirs. I'm of the belief that people who have a knack for putting others' choices down are probably dissatisfied with their own. Perhaps feelings of envy are bubbling below the surface, and they try to make themselves feel better by undermining the other person's successes. Thus, misery loves company. It's a shame tha...

As my readers well know, even though this blog centers primarily on how people think, every now and then I like to throw in a tidbit or two concerning key figures and events in American History. Not only is history my second biggest passion after psychology, but at the end of the day, both subjects are more entwined than most people realize. Historians aim to understand the rationale behind the decisions that Thomas Jefferson, Martin Luther King Jr., and other figures have made, dissecting everything from their upbringing and social relationships to their innermost fears and aspirations. And while historians delve into these men and women's personalities, psychologists -- for their part -- cannot paint a full picture of the individuals without essential historical facts like when they were born, the places they lived throughout their lives, etc. The month of February has witnessed countless important events over the past 200 or so years, two of which occurred 37 years apa...

Many people claim to despise Facebook these days, as they say it serves as a constant reminder of things they either don't have or that aren't going as smoothly as they'd like. Those who are single and yearn to be in a relationship are forced to see a barrage of posts of their friends cuddling with their significant other. Those who are in a relationship and long to be married (but they can't for financial or other reasons) have to sit through endless wedding pictures. And then those who are married or in a relationship -- and have either chosen not to have kids or desire them but haven't had them for one reason or another -- often see their Wall saturated with baby pictures. Let's not forget those who boast of their shiny cars, vacations, or dining experiences seemingly every single day. This leaves many of these people feeling like losers -- ones who can't get anyone to "like"or comment favorably on their content because it revolves a...

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. Now, I know today isn't the happiest of days for those who are still on a quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right. And to them I say: Don't fret. It's not the end of the world. You'll find the right person when the time is right. I was actually in your shoes at one point. In the days leading up to the holiday every year, I wanted to lock myself in my room, bury my head under a pillow, and fall asleep until February 15. The commercials, the decorations, the balloons, the flowers, the heart-shaped boxes of chocolates: It was all so torturous! "Why can't I be with someone special on Valentine's Day like so many people I know?" I asked myself wistfully. Thankfully, my dry spell came to an end in 2005, when I hooked up with the woman I would end up marrying years later. Eventually, it hit me: I would not have been so melancholic over being single had I not: Thought that a partner would "complete me": Lit...

When people act like they're above you, should you respond in kind? Should you do to them what they're doing to you? Absolutely not, as that would be stooping to their level. Instead, the best way to respond to these haughty people is by being better today than the person you were yesterday . In other words, rather than pretending to be better than others, demonstrate to these very people that you are continually outdoing  yourself . That's sure to get them even more riled up. The way I see it, if someone is going around boasting of their toys or accomplishments -- to the point they're deliberately trying to throw it in your face -- it communicates one thing: You pose a threat to them. You give them competition, and they're out to best you. Perhaps there's even something you possess or have achieved that they're envious of. But don't give in. That's what they want -- an all-out competition to prove they're smarter or more accomplished...

They say that happiness starts in the mind, and that is no exaggeration.  What people fail to realize is that we can actually put a positive spin on many of the things that leave us feeling anxious or sad. Of course, there are serious circumstances that you can't put a happy face on (e.g., news of an illness), but this technique still works for a wide range of situations in which a simple change in one's outlook can radically improve their day.  For example, many people fret over aging and reminisce about the "good old days." Instead of dwelling on the past, though, why not think that your best days are actually ahead of you?  Think about it: The younger version of yourself that you visualize was probably more naive and inexperienced. Chances are you were not as financially secure and had not the faintest idea what you wanted to do with your life.  So, in reality, you're in a better place now -- wiser and with a firmer handle on your goals an...

Your time is precious. It's the only thing in life that you can't get back once it's gone. That being said, it needn't be spent on people who won't give you the time of day. You're worth so much more than that. If you find that your calls and texts go unanswered, your proposals to hang out fall on deaf ears, and your interest level far exceeds that of the other person, it's time to reevaluate the relationship. People make time for the things and people that matter most to them. If they can't carve out so much as a minute to reply to your text message, it means you're definitely not high up on their priority list. At this point, it may be tempting to contemplate to death the reasons why they may be unresponsive or seem disinterested. A bevy of questions might cross your mind, including: Could they be seeing someone else? Have they lost interest in me? Did I do something wrong? Is something going on in their personal life? Are they h...

Doesn't it annoy you when someone you hardly know -- a coworker, an acquaintance, or even someone you just started dating -- pretends to know you better than you know yourself? They proceed to give you unsolicited tips and advice based on their own personal experiences, expecting you to follow suit without hesitation. Ugh! Eventually, you'll have to break it to them plainly: No one knows you better than you know yourself. You really have to hand it to some people. They speak with such verve and self-confidence that it's hard not to buy into their every word and do exactly as they say. To be fair, I'm not saying that their advice should never be welcome. Sometimes people really do have valuable wisdom to impart, especially if talking to younger folks seeking some guidance. The problem is when they try to make decisions for us. They push us to leave our doctor for theirs, buy our next car at their preferred dealership, or even date someone whom they're sure ...