How To Understand People

Let go of the past. Let go of your regrets. Take stock of your life and focus on the here and now. The past is the past. The future shines ever so bright! You shouldn't regret your mistakes so long as you learned from them. Sometimes, our biggest failures end up being precisely what we need to grow as individuals. Don't let them impede your progress. Don't allow them to obstruct your path toward bigger and better things. Life goes on. Keep your head up. Stay positive. As hard as it may seem right now, things will get better. And just because you had a bad experience -- whether a relationship that went sour or a short-lived job that didn't fit your skills or temperament -- doesn't mean history is bound to repeat itself. Things can get better. Things will get better. Such experiences sharpen our judgment. The most painful experiences, in fact, supply us with the most strength and fortitude. Shed your mind of negative thoughts -- ones that do nothing ...

I came across the following quote on Facebook earlier today: "Fifteen years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Now, the real world is an escape from the internet."  The quote is attributed to Noah Smith, a professor of finance. What Smith is essentially saying is that we seem to "live" digitally now more than we do the traditional way. It makes perfect sense. If you're like me, you probably communicate more with friends and family via email, text, WhatsApp, or social media than you do in person. You're likely shopping more online than you do at brick-and-mortar stores. And you're probably watching movies more frequently through services like Netflix than at the movie theater. While there's no question the convenience the internet affords us has made our lives easier in myriad ways, it's also made human interaction much more impersonal. If you'd asked me in the 90s whether relatives and friends would someday wish ...

As satisfying as the feeling of completing a project or getting a pat on the back from the boss may be, being overworked is never a good thing. It means you have less time for the things and people you value in your life. If you're under a great deal of stress, you may be suffering from sleep deprivation, anxiety, depression, and other health issues. That's why it's always best to work smarter rather than harder. Assess your work day and see if there's any way you can reshuffle your tasks/agenda so as to give you a little breathing room. Maybe you could use a temp or assistant, or perhaps you can ask your boss if he or she can cut back on the number of jobs being thrown your way. And if you feel that all the extra work merits a promotion or pay increase, let your supervisor know. You may very well be rewarded handsomely for the extra time you're putting it, but you won't know for sure until you broach the subject. At the end of the day, employers really ...

Spend your spare time the way you like -- not the way you think you're supposed to. Do the things you enjoy -- not the ones you feel you ought to enjoy only because society expects you to. If reading, writing, painting, fishing, fixing cars, admiring nature, museum hopping, going to a baseball game, shopping, dining, traveling around the world, or simply watching TV does it for you, go for it. If you don't want to party, don't do it. If you don't want to drink, stand your ground. If you don't want to have a kid or pet, whether now or ever, don't feel compelled to do so just so that you can fit in with the animal lovers or mothers-of-three at work. Many people -- even close friends -- will try to pressure you into doing things that go against your nature or may even make you uncomfortable. Don't succumb to such coaxing. If they can't take no for an answer, they're not real friends. You have a right to do as you wish in your free time. Do...

Overthinking isn't bad when you're ruminating about something that's generally positive: how lucky you are to have such a wonderful family, the material you want to have down cold for tomorrow's finance exam, the ideal place to propose to your girlfriend. In other words, thinking deeply pays off when it's something that induces positive emotions in you. You imagine yourself succeeding in whatever it is you're aiming for. You're focused on what you have rather than what you lack. If you're consumed with thoughts that breed negativity -- from how stupid you were for turning down that date to how sure you are that you're going to bomb the presentation this afternoon -- overthinking can have an adverse effect on your physical and mental health. It can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and other detrimental conditions. It's a fine line to tiptoe. Indeed, we should all strive to adopt a "half glass full" mentality. I don...

It goes without saying that we should all fall in love with someone who treasures our presence rather than takes advantage of it. Someone who will covet our heart, not trample on it. Someone who will not exercise the power you've given them to hurt you. Ah, easier said than done, right? In a perfect world, every relationship would last a lifetime. No one would experience relationship blues of any sort. And the divorce rate would certainly not be in the neighborhood of 50 percent. The truth is that relationships take serious work -- a lot more than some couples are willing to put in. When you first meet and get with someone, you have your blinders on. They seem perfect to you in every way. You picture yourself walking down the aisle, having kids, and living a blissful life together. Then, reality sets in. You have arguments about matters both petty and serious. You can't seem to agree on anything, whether it's what to eat or where to vacation next. You encounter fi...

Below are three fun facts regarding events in history that occurred on October 19, the most recent of which took place a little over 30 years ago: 1781: Cornwallis surrenders at Yorktown On this day in 1781, British General Charles Cornwallis formally surrenders 8,000 British soldiers and seamen to a French and American force at Yorktown, Virginia, effectively bringing an end to the American Revolution and paving the way for American independence. Interestingly, as the British and Hessian troops marched out to surrender, the British band played the song "The World Upside Down." The Treaty of Paris, signed in 1783, formally recognized the United States as a free and independent nation. 1796: Editorial accuses Jefferson of affair with slave On October 19, 1796, an essay appears in the Gazette of the United States in which a writer by the name of "Phocion" craftily attacks presidential candidate Thomas Jefferson, who was running against incumbent president John...

Life is hard. When things aren't exactly going our way, we have a tendency to harp on the negative. Unfortunately, this makes us lose sight of the fact that there are positive aspects to these very things we complain about. Take your job, for example. Chances are there are things you might dislike -- if not dread about it -- from your obnoxious boss to your paltry benefits. At the end of the day, though, it still helps you put food on the table and a roof over your head. It might be the ideal job, but it certainly beats being unemployed. Plus, you can always look at it as a stepping stone toward something better. As far as relationships, we it's normal to have gripes about our partners. They're lazy. They don't take care of themselves. They don't do the little things anymore. They fritter away their money. But for every negative quality, we're bound to come up with a positive one. Perhaps he or she is a good parent, an attentive friend, or a charitable s...

Women, especially very attractive ones who have countless guys chasing after them, can't help but feel totally attracted to men who challenge  them. Now, a distinction should be made between challenging women and playing games with them. If not returning texts and trying to make the woman jealous is his idea of challenging her, he's in for a rude awakening. As surprising as it may seem to some men, women don't want to feel or be told they're right all the time. They want a man to stand up for what he believes in, even if it ruffles her feathers and runs contrary to her longstanding beliefs or opinions. Why? Because it betrays a sense of confidence , which women find irresistible. It conveys that whether or not she agrees with him, he's going to speak his mind -- in a firm if diplomatic manner. Many men avoid doing this for fear that she'll get upset and lose interest. But this couldn't be farther from the truth. The last thing a woman wants...

Is having too many choices good or bad? Some might say it's a good thing, as it allows you to pick what best suits your needs. Others contend it can be a bad thing in that it causes you to second guess your decisions, especially if the alternatives are fairly comparable. We face this type of conundrum on an almost-daily basis. Which job offer should I accept? Which computer should I buy? Which of these two guys should I become exclusive with? About a month or two before graduating from college, I was hitting the pavement hard in hopes of landing a full-time job. (Mind you, this wasn't long before the global recession began.) I went on a flurry of interviews and was offered nearly every position I applied for. I turned down the first two because I thought the salary being offered was a tad low. Besides, I didn't want to run after the first opportunity that came my way; I wished to take a little more time testing the job market waters. Unfortunately, the positio...

They say variety is the spice of life. But it's also the spice of relationships. Infusing variety into your relationship keeps it fresh and exciting. Remember the so-called honeymoon stage? You know, the one where you and your partner were getting to know each other and every date seemed like a new adventure? Neither of you had to put much effort into the relationship, your hormones were raging, and any flaws were as yet undiscovered. It's as if you were floating on cloud nine. However, as time passed, the intense passion gave way to a calmer, more mature phase where you weren't all about jumping each other's bones. You grew accustomed to and comfortable around one another. Your foibles were put on your display and your relationship was tested in a number of ways. If you managed to weather such storms and opted to stay together in spite of all the negative qualities about each other that came to light, there's no question that the two of you share a deep...

When negative thoughts attempt to take over your mind, don't let them! How do you prevent this from happening? By turning those negative thoughts into positive ones. You can cancel out a negative thought with a positive one in a number of ways: 1. By thinking about or looking at something that relaxes you or otherwise brings a smile to your face (e.g., pictures of kittens). 2. By listening to music or doing anything else that puts you in a good mood. 3. By thinking about or looking at something that makes you laugh (e.g. blooper videos). 4. By thinking about all the wonderful things you aim to accomplish in the future. Focus not on the past, but on the present and the future. 5. And, most importantly, by being thankful for what you have and reminding yourself that it could be worse. It's about never losing sight of the fact that you have it better than a lot of people out there do. Whenever I'm feeling a little blue, I do one -- if not all -- of these th...

Many of us can't help but grumble about our jobs, whether it's the low pay, obnoxious coworkers, or lousy commute. But what we fail to realize is that we can make our jobs much more tolerable if we only made a couple of mental adjustments. Below are two things you can do that will most definitely make your job easier to stomach. 1. Don't depend on the job to fulfill you. While we should like our work enough not to feel miserable doing it day in and day out, we should never think of our jobs as the be-all and end-all. A job will never fulfill you completely; that's what hobbies are for. I know certain jobs can certainly be fulfilling (e.g., charity work), but let's face it: the vast majority of jobs have an ugly side to them. Politics, red tape, layoffs, and other negatives are part and parcel of virtually all organizations. The less pressure you put on a job to fulfill you, the happier you'll be. You can always leave for another opportunity if your current...

My wife and I have been together for 12-and-a-half years, of which over three have been as a married couple. I often reflect on the beginning of the relationship, which was surely a magical time. We were both juniors in college with ample butterflies in our stomachs. Our relationship came as something of a surprise, as we had met in the 6th grade and didn't see or speak to one another again until the year we hooked up -- which, by the way, came almost a decade later after reconnecting on MySpace! Now that we've been married and living together for several years, it's easy to see how different things are from the way they were when we got together. Aside from the obvious (e.g., you're not as embarrassed to fart in front of one another), you essentially become a team once you're married -- one that has far more important things to worry about than simply choosing what movie to watch or restaurant to dine at. From bills to helping the kids with homework, marri...

On this day in 1822, a future U.S. President -- the 19th one, to be exact -- was born in Delaware, Ohio. Can you guess who it was? If you're not sure, you are certainly not alone. Rutherford B. Hayes, who served only one term in office (from 1877-1881), is one of the country's largely forgotten commanders-in-chief. Although Hayes studied law at Harvard University, he wasn't born into wealth. In fact, as a young lawyer, he lived in his office for a while to save money while building his practice. Before becoming President, he saw action in the Civil War as a Union general. He later served as a congressman for two years and was elected the 29th and 32nd Governor of Ohio. Because of his attention to manners and his teetotaling lifestyle (i.e., he didn't drink), he earned the nickname "Old Granny." Hayes' wife Lucy, for her part, was called "Lemonade Lucy" because it was assumed she insisted that he ban all liquor from the White House. Howe...

We give up our power when we become convinced we don't have any. What power, you ask? While we may not be able to control everything that happens to us, we have the power to shape what comes after that. In other words, we can control what we do with what happens to us. Though it may seem difficult at times, we should try to look at hardships and challenges in a positive light. Notice how we emerge stronger after overcoming obstacles life throws our way, and are better able to navigate future ones. We should never take a defeatist attitude in life. Getting down on yourself won't solve anything. Instead, believe in the power within you to shape your own destiny. If you want to effect change, let your voice be heard. It doesn't mean you'll get what you want every time, but you will at least have tried. Imagine if people who changed the course of history -- George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Harriet Tubman, Albert Einstein, and Martin Luther King Jr. among th...

Whether you're stressing over an upcoming presentation you have to deliver at work, a blind date you have scheduled for the weekend, or a persistent leak in the kitchen ceiling, ask yourself one question: "Will this matter a year from now?" Sure, it's normal to experience some level of anxiety. If you're like me, you get antsy when you want to get something done right away so you don't have to worry about it any longer. However, you may hit a snag of some sort -- perhaps the presentation has to be rescheduled, the contractor can't see you for another month, etc. This may lead you to dwell on the matter until it's resolved. But life is too short to let one little thing derail your happiness. Instead of worrying incessantly about what may go wrong, why not focus on what can go right? There are certainly circumstances in life that warrant deep concern -- an ailing relative, getting laid off, being robbed, violating the law. However, there are ...