How To Understand People

As noted in prior posts, I've worked with a couple of guys who have hooked up with co-workers and gone on to marry them. In such cases, everything panned out, but not everyone who chooses to become romantically involved with someone at work ends up with a fairy tale ending. The risks inherent in mixing business with pleasure are quite obvious: If the relationship goes awry, being around each other at work might get awkward Rumors might swirl when other people you work with get wind of your office romance, i.e., that you're getting special privileges from higher-ups (especially if the other person is one of them) Your relationship problems may spill into the workplace If you plan on dating a co-worker, I suggest you do your best to keep it private. If you're not sure you can do that, your options are as follows: Carry on with the relationship and hope no one at work finds out One person leaves the company so as to avoid any workplace drama  End the relationshi...

I know this is largely subjective, but judging from all the media attention these women get, I'd say they are the cream of the crop right now: 1. Kim Kardashian 2. Taylor Swift 3. Beyonce 4. Rihanna 5. Iggy Azalea If I had asked this question a year ago, perhaps Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj would be on the list, but they don't seem to be in the headlines as much in 2015. The same goes for Lorde, whose ubiquitous song "Royals" was one of 2013's biggest hits. I think we can all agree that Kim Kardashian is the undisputed winner, seeing as how she's in virtually every news story that outlets like E! and Cosmopolitan put out. Taylor Swift, for her part, has earned the 2 spot. Her decision to break from country music and go into pop to appeal to a wider audience has paid huge dividends -- her popularity has soared to new heights, as has her net worth. Beyonce and Rihanna are always making the rounds for one reason or another -- whether it's a new so...

Most of us have been there: We unexpectedly run into an ex boyfriend or girlfriend in a public place -- be it the grocery store, gym, or dry cleaners. It can be hard figuring out what to do in such an awkward situation. Some people feel the urge to say "hi" and then go about their business, while others might feel compelled to ignore the person completely. I once ran into an ex girlfriend inside the library of a local college. I felt the need to be courteous, so I said "hello" and proceeded to sit at a table to catch up on my reading. I think most people in this situation would want to be polite, but they'd stop short of actually engaging the ex girlfriend or boyfriend in conversation. People might be afraid, and reasonably so, that chatting the person up might send the wrong signals, like a desire to be friends, or, worse -- to get back together! My recommendation is simple: Either greet the person, or pretend you didn't see your ex and just keep ...

If you had the opportunity to meet anyone -- dead or alive, past or present -- who would that person be? I would probably pick a historic figure like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, or Abraham Lincoln. I think it would be fascinating to ask the individual what it was like to live in his day, through events that forever changed the course of history, such as The American Revolution and Civil War. Even better would be the ability to go back in time to Colonial America or the mid-19th century (Back to the Future, anyone?) and spend a day walking the streets and chatting with people from those eras. But that's just my my nerdy pick. I eat, sleep, and drink history, so there's no way I'd pass up the opportunity to meet a Founding Father or Honest Abe himself, for example. At least there's always a slim possibility you could still meet a living person. What's your pick? Who would you opt to meet? For prior entries, please click here:  How...

Relationships can be an exciting time. We've all been there: Butterflies in the stomach, hormones on overdrive, your special someone pervading your every thought. Unfortunately, though, it is also during this exhilarating stage of our lives that we can make decisions we later come to regret. I've narrowed down the biggest relationship mistakes we can make to four: 1. Cheating: It doesn't get any worse than this. Cheating is the utmost form of betrayal. Even worse is committing the act and later trying to hide your tracks. If you don't feel you can remain loyal to your partner, don't get into a relationship. Think before you act! A few nights of pleasure aren't worth the feelings of heartbreak, jealously, and resentment that will ensue. 2. Having unprotected sex: Is it any wonder there are so many unplanned pregnancies in the United States, let alone the world? People get in the heat of the moment and forget to properly suit up for the ride. Whether it...

These days, the popularity of television series is quite remarkable -- the likes of which we've never quite seen before. Whether it's friends, family, or co-workers, it seems everyone watches at least one TV series. Among the most popular ones are: The Walking Dead Game of Thrones Empire Breaking Bad True Detective Sherlock  Now, I've never been one to watch these kinds of shows, but when I first saw True Detective being advertised, it looked interesting -- and so I figured that watching one episode couldn't hurt. I became instantly hooked! It was only then I understood why so many people I know become so enthralled by these shows.  I started thinking about the reasons why these shows resonate so closely with us, the viewers.  Here are a couple of reasons that may explain their surge in popularity in recent years: They distract us from our daily lives : Considering that our lives seem to be getting busier and more stressful by the day, these shows ...

It seems that breast implants are all the rage these days. I know five women who have gotten a boob job in the last three or so years. Why has this become a huge fad? Who do women really get boob jobs for? Themselves? Their husbands? Society in general? I'd say the answer is probably: all of the above. The funny thing, though, is that not all men are "boob guys." I am actually partial to rear ends. But that's just me. It could also be that many women take their cue from Hollywood, which seems the propogate the notion that plastic surgery is a requisite for being beautiful. I believe that women are beautiful just as God made them, and there's really no reason for enhancements. If a man isn't content with your body, I say: Kick him to the curb. Some guy out there will appreciate you for who you are! If it's you who takes issue with your body, you have every right to do with it as you wish. But don't get your boobs done just because a man or s...

Have you noticed that when certain people prod you to do something or go somewhere you may have little interest in -- say, babysit for them or join them on a road trip -- they expect you to follow through, but when it's you making the plans, they suddenly feel they have the flexibility to duck out on you? I've noticed a lot of people I know -- some close friends, even -- do this quite often.  Double standard, anyone? These people do to others what they don't want done to them -- a clear violation of the so-called Golden Rule. What's most frustrating is that many of these people assure us it "won't happen again," and yet they never seem to kick the habit. "Fool me once -- shame on you. Fool me twice -- shame on me." If a person continues to leave you hanging, you really have two options: (1) Tell him or her that if she doesn't start honoring commitments -- like you do for your friend -- you will cut the cord on the friendship. Make...

Just the other day, I went to the local movie theater and had to do something I've never done before there -- that is, park on the very top floor of the parking garage. "Why on earth would there be so many people here so as to force me to park this high up?" I asked incredulously. As it turns out, it seemed the whole city was on hand to watch "Jurassic World." When we arrived, most of the shows were already sold out. (My wife and I opted for a comedy movie, "Spy.") I knew at that very moment that this movie was going to make a killing at the Box Office. And that it has. Not only did it edge out the first Avengers movie for the best weekend opening ever (it grossed 208 million the first weekend to Avengers' 207 million), but no other movie has ever hit the $1 billion mark as quickly. It cost $150 million to make "Jurassic World," which means they recouped the money they invested in the movie after a couple of days and went on to gr...

Being put in the friend zone is a real drag. I would know -- because I've been there. Before I hooked up with my now-wife, I got "friend-zoned" by a couple of girls. That was back when I knew little to nothing about how women think and what it takes for a man to draw them to him like magnets. Here are some telltale signs that a woman has put a man in the dreaded friend zone: She hardly touches him She fends him off when he tries get affectionate (e.g. tries to kiss or put his arm around her) She talks to him about other guys and uses him as a shoulder to cry on She makes excuses for why she can't see or go out with him She leaves him hanging on a number of occasions Once she picks up on his advances, she ends phone conversations quicker, and his texts and phone calls go unanswered  She calls him her buddy or brother I think that when a woman is cognizant of a man's feelings for her and yet she continues to string him along, she is doing the unconsc...

What's your preferred way of traveling? Would you rather travel to places in person, or in your head? For certain people, the latter seems more up their alley. The reasons for this are varied. It may be that they're: Afraid of airplanes Hesistant to deal with the stress that comes from travel Strapped for cash Uncomfortable with the thought of being away from home for days in an unfamiliar place Perfectly content traveling vicariously -- through videos, books, documentaries, and other sources I think I can be a little of both. It all depends on the mood I'm in. Sometimes I would rather spend the weekend at home learning about a city -- say, Paris or Honolulu --- via travel books or videos than by actually traveling there.  Every once in a while, though, I do get the itch to venture beyond the comfy confines of my condo and explore museums, mountains, and other attractions that glossy magazine photos don't do justice to. Some people might argue ...

...by someone who catches your eye but isn't your partner? Let's say you're as happy as can be in your relationship or marriage. Your love for your partner grows deeper each day, and you still find him or her as -- or even more -- attractive as you did when you first started dating. Now, assume that you spot an attractive man or woman at the grocery store, and the two of you make eye contact on a number of occasions. How would this make you feel? Would you think nothing of it, or would you say, "Hey, someone attractive (other than my special someone) finds me good-looking enough to give me repeated looks, and it feels good." I've lost a considerable amount of weight in the past few years, thanks in large part to the fact I've been doing weights. Now that I've gotten more buff, I'm getting a lot more looks from women. I'm a happily married man, but I won't deny that I feel good when someone other than my wife appreciates my physical ap...

Some couples are attached at the hip and thus are comfortable doing anything and everything in front of each other. Other pairs, however, set clear boundaries: If it's something they wouldn't do in front of their parents or friends, then it is off limits. Period. Here are a couple of examples of things people might be embarrassed to do in front of their partners: Pass gas Vomit Use the restroom (#1 and/or #2) Change pads/tampons Weigh themselves I'm all for doing as much together as possible, but there should be dividing lines. For example, does your partner really have to see you use the restroom? Just because you love each other doesn't mean you have to witness each other do everything. At the end of the day, we should still strive to maintain some degree of autonomy.  I would understand being present while your partner, say, vomits or has a bowel movement if it involves some health issue he or she needs help with. But if that isn't the case, I t...

The easiest (and quickest) ways to build wealth include winning the lottery, robbing a bank, or getting an inheritance. Since these methods are either unusual or flat-out illegal, we have to resort to more practical ways that involve a level of effort and judiciousness. Enter the practice of saving. Unfortunately, saving money seems alien to many people I know. No sooner do they get a paycheck than they squander it on expensive things they may not need, like $500 shoes or handbags. What's worse, some blow it in even more egregious ways (think booze, drugs, and casinos). I am a firm believer that every college student -- hell, maybe even high school students -- should be required to take a class on personal finance. Far too many of us go out into the real world not having a clue as to ways we can save money and why it's important to begin doing so at an early age. (The same goes for job hunting, which will be the subject of a future post.) Think about it: If you get in...

One of the biggest mistakes we can make is to have high expectations of other people. Simply put, we expect people to think or act like us in a given situation,  but wind up disappointed when it doesn't pan out. This can lead us to put our thinking caps on and probe into the possible reasons why this individual failed to live up to our expectations. We can drive ourselves batty doing this! I'm here to give you a tip you should always keep in mind -- one that will serve you well in life, whether you're dealing with your boss, friends, or partner: Instead of expecting people to keep their word and come through for you all the time, expect them to let you down instead.  That way, when they do deliver as promised, you'll be pleasantly promised. When they don't, well, it isn't like it'll catch you by surprise, right? This is my own strategy for preemptively priming myself for the worst-case scenario. People who do this are what you'd call proactive ...

For as long as I can remember, I've never been interested -- not in the slightest -- in having sex with any of my female friends. Sure, I've probably found one or two attractive, but I doubt I would have slept with them if I'd been given the opportunity to do so. It's not worth it, in my view, to put a friendship in jeopardy for a night of passion. Just recently, I spoke to a girl I went to high school with. Shortly after her eight-year relationship with her boyfriend came to an end, she began a "friends with benefits" kind of deal with one of her male friends. It worked well for both parties in the beginning, as she was on the rebound and he just wanted no-strings-attached sex. Things got sticky, however, once she became emotionally invested. While she now wished to take things to the next level, he claimed to be too busy for a relationship -- and he made it clear he wasn't going to change his stance. My high school buddy insists that the guy "tr...

Everytime we turn the TV on, surf the web, or thumb through the pages of a magazine, we get bombarded with stories and pictures about: Kim Kardashian's ass Beyonce walking around in a revealing dress Jennifer Lopez sporting a 20-something's body Don't get me wrong: They're each incredibly attractive, and I can definitely appreciate a woman with some curves.  But is this really all there is to report on these women? Hollywood knows that sex sells. But I think far too much time is focused on beauty and not enough attention is given to brains .  These women are all intelligent in their own right. They're not only actors and/or singers, but entrepreneurs who have started clothing lines, perfumes, etc. I assume they put serious time and effort into such ventures, but unfortunately, the media chooses to gloss these potentially illuminating accounts over for stories about Kim's sex tapes and how J-Lo shakes her booty at concerts. You hardly hear...

Last night, I attended a funeral service honoring a childhood friend of mine who passed away last week. On hand was a pastor who said something that really hit home:  "The most special thing a person can give you is his or her time, for it's the one thing they'll never ever get back."  And it's true. Think about it.  Some of you might be saying, "Nope, Jeff, it's love." Love is certainly essential to our well-being, but the reality is that you can get it from different people. Even if you get divorced or witness the end of a friendship, you can always find someone else to fill the void.  It's one's time, though, that can neither be replaced nor recouped. The 15 or so minutes I spend writing and publishing this post can never be regained -- they're gone forever. The time you'll spend talking to a neighbor or grocery store clerk this weekend is time from your life that you could be using to do something else, but tha...

We all know what "LOL" means. The ubiquitous acronym for "laughing out loud," it's likely you use it at least once a week while conversing online with friends, relatives or coworkers. But how often have you used the acronym while   really  laughing out loud?  It's a safe bet that you've done this only a couple of times, if ever. What's more,  I wouldn't be surprised if some of us have typed and sent people an LOL with a straight face. In truth, it might be better to put LIS -- laughing inside -- rather than LOL, because the former is what we actually do. Or, how about ILT, which could stand for I like that. LOL is what we employ to indicate that something the other person tells us is amusing in some way. You may actually let out a small chuckle, but really: How often do you hear people laughing aloud, let alone when chatting with someone online? Maybe we just haven't come up with the right acronym that captures feeling amused. A Faceb...

People are better at processing information or learning in certain ways than others. Back when I was in high school and college -- and to this day this remains true -- I was more adept at learning something by reading actual text about it (textbooks, handouts, etc.) than by having someone explain it to me verbally. In math class, for example, I usually didn't grasp the class content until I got home, read the chapter, and worked through a few problems on my own. When I tried to follow the teacher's lecture, however, he or she would leave me stumped.  I still struggle at times to quickly comprehend what someone is trying to explain to me, whether it's at work or at home. I think part of the reason for this is that people tend to speak hurriedly. When I'm reading a book, however, I can go at my own pace and digest the information in small doses. Even if I try telling someone to slow down, I've found they'll continue to gabble on. In my case, instruction manu...

When someone says he likes being alone, do you immediately take that to mean he enjoys being lonely? If so, you're conflating two terms that don't mean the same thing. Let me give you an example. Many people say that they can feel lonely even when they're around people. I've experienced this myself quite a few times. For instance, I've gone to work functions where I'm the only person who doesn't seem to have a "buddy" with which to converse for a few hours. People break off into their little cliques, leaving me with little to do but surf the web on my phone. The same can happen while on an outing with a couple of friends. They might begin discussing something to which you can't relate -- say, duck hunting -- and, before you know it, you're left out in the cold. This often occurs when everyone but you has something in common. For example, I tend to feel lonely at work because I'm the youngest employee in my department. The most s...

What is the main reason why women decide to have kids? (1) Instinct:  They have a biological imperative to do so, i.e., they want to know what it's like to carry the baby in their womb. (2) Upbringing:  They were taught that every woman should have kids, and there's no reason to question that. (3) Societal pressure:  They feel pressure from society to join the ranks of the mothers of the world. While I think the first reason holds the most weight, the two reasons that follow also play a role in a woman's urge to have kids. Unfortunately, many women who have opted not to have are kids are derided by coworkers, friends, and even family members. It seems many would rather have a child -- even if they're not ready for the kind of responsibility that motherhood entails -- than have to stand up to these individuals and defend their position. This is a grave mistake far too many women make. I understand many women find themselves racing against a biological clock...

I learned yesterday morning that one of my closest childhood friends died of a heart attack in his sleep overnight. He had just turned 30 a couple of weeks ago. I met him in Kindergarten and reconnected with him six or so years later when, as fate would have it, my sister and his brother began dating. During our middle school years, we did everything from play sports and video games to go on vacations together. We stayed pretty close through my sophomore year of high school. He then joined the football team, after which we went our separate ways. The last time I remember spending time together was the day of my high school graduation. (He failed the 1st grade and went on to graduate a year after me.) I hardly spoke to him during and after college, but we later began keeping in touch via Facebook. He moved back to Florida after living in California, where his girlfriend and three kids live, for a few years. In recent weeks, he had told me how happy he was that my wife and I bo...

Close to two years ago, a movie called "Don Jon," starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Scarlett Johansson, and Julianne Moore, hit theaters. Johansson, who plays Levitt's girlfriend in the movie, walks in on him one day as he's watching and masturbating to an adult film. That act alone caused the wheels of the relationship to fall off, and Levitt's character ends up finding a much more understanding partner in Moore, who doesn't seem to mind his habit as much.  The movie perfectly captures how some women may bristle at the thought or sight of their partners watching porn, while others may find it perfectly acceptable. The first group of women may contend that a guy needn't look at porn when he has a woman -- and a good one at that -- in his life. She may eventually sense that, because he finds pleasure in seeing other women naked, he must either be cheating or just isn't satisfied with her -- and, by extension, their sex life. Scarlett Johansson's...

Would you date your friend's ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, or refrain from doing so out of respect for said friend? I'm here to advise you that doing the former would be ill-advised on many levels. Dating your buddy's ex not only puts your friendship with him or her in serious jeopardy, but it could put your friendship with your ex at risk as well (assuming you've remained friends following the breakup). You have to remember: You're courting someone who your friend probably loved and envisioned spending the rest of his or her life with at one point. To enter into a relationship with him or her is, in my view, a flagrant no-no: Your friend may see this as stabbing him or her on the back and showing little sympathy for someone who may still be trying to get over the breakup. No matter how bad the breakup, or how resentful we may be thereafter, I think a piece of all our exes always stays with us. We share moments and experiences with our partners that become e...

As much as men may say they want the first date to end with a kiss, the truth is that they don't. Why? Because the things and people we value most are the ones we have to work harder for. If someone told you they'd give you a trophy with your name and "1st Place" engraved on it, would you want it? Probably not. It really has no value unless you actually achieved something to earn that recognition. When a woman kisses a man on a first date, she's putting all her cards on the table a little too quickly. It leaves little to the imagination, as the woman is essentially communicating that she likes him enough to smooch him after only a couple of hours spent together. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but let's face it: We all like a good challenge. When a woman makes a guy wait, he knows he's going to have to work for what he wants. That alone makes her more attractive in his eyes. On the other hand, a kiss that comes too easily may give him the...

Today's quote focuses on adversity, which Merriam-Webster defines as "a state or instance of serious or continued difficulty or misfortune." "Sometimes adversity is what you need to face in order to become successful." - Zig Zaglar  Human beings have a natural inclination to avoid or minimize any kind of hardship in their lives. In reality, though, we all need a dash of adversity every now and then to propel us to achieve something. Here are some examples: Being driven to lose weight after being teased by fellow peers Starting one's own company after being laid off one or more times Getting an A+ on an exam after initially struggling in a course Supporting a child by oneself after his or her partner walks out Finding true love after striking out repeatedly on the dating front You can likely relate to at least one of the examples above. Sometimes we face challenges in life that seem almost insurmountable, thus resulting in depression, ...

By now, you've probably read or heard something about this story, as pictures have been making the rounds in the news and on social media all day. Caitlyn Jenner, the Olympic athlete formerly known as Bruce, made her debut as a transgender woman on the cover of "Vanity Fair." The cover reads "Call Me Caitlyn" and shows Jenner posing in lingerie. Within hours of joining Twitter as Caitlyn on Monday, she already had more than 500,000 Twitter followers, and went on to log over one million followers in under 5 hours. The news has triggered an outpouring of support from celebrities, relatives -- the Kardashian clan among them -- and fans alike. She posted the following on Twitter: "I'm so happy after such a long struggle to be living my true self. Welcome to the world Caitlyn. Can't wait for you to get to know her/me."  Jenner will be presented with the Arthur Ashe Courage Award, given each year to individuals whose contributions tran...