How To Understand People

In an unprecedented year marred by constant tumult -- a raging pandemic, widespread business and school closures/layoffs, a battered economy, racial strife, a bitter election -- it's nice to disconnect from it all and take a moment to give thanks for the people who enrich our lives, even if we may not be able to celebrate the holiday with some of them in 2020 due to COVID-19 restrictions.  I'd like to wish you and yours a happy, safe, and blessed Thanksgiving.  Thanks for giving up some of your time over the course of the week/month to read, share, and comment on my posts. You guys rock, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart.  There's a reason I aim for variety in my choice of content/messaging. It's my hope that the more sobering posts offer comfort and valuable tips to those going through tough times, and that the lighthearted ones -- from silly puns to funny memes -- elicit laughs at a time of great uncertainty.  Our lives may be far from perfect, but we still...

We live in a shallow world where one's physical appearance and material possessions can be the deciding factor in whether you get the job or the girl. In my estimation, intelligence -- and that includes deep intellectual curiosity -- isn't assigned enough weight by most people.  The stereotype against "nerds" and "geeks" is one we are well familiar with. We might have been labeled as such in our youth if we always got good grades, or had a bespectacled overachieving friend whose work everyone looked to copy. What I don't understand is this: Why can't being smart for its own sake be an it-thing?  While money can be lost and material stuff can rust, no one can take your intellectual prowess away from you. (Notice I said "no one" and not "nothing." I know there are terrible accidents and health conditions, like Alzheimers, that can rob you of your mental faculties. Some may argue, however, that you can deal self-inflicted wounds by t...

Several readers have written to me asking me how they can deal with an unapologetically toxic individual in their life, whether it be an obnoxious boss or possessive partner. They maintain that they've exhausted every option -- from speaking to them directly to seeking out counseling.  When I suggest pulling the plug -- finding a new job, ending the relationship -- such a recommendation is met with stiff resistance: "I'm too old to find a job, and things are bad out there. I might as well stay put." "I don't want to go through the hassle of hitting the dating market again. Those days are behind me." So, on the one hand, they're desperate to escape a toxic situation that is adversely impacting their quality of life, but on the other, they're offering up excuses as to why they shouldn't effect change? Chalk it up to one phenomenon: fearing the unknown. What is known to us, as lousy as it is, can seem less daunting than the unfamiliar.  The prob...

Relationships go belly-up when partners expect them -- and, more specifically, their significant other -- to be perfect.  Many fall into the trap of setting unrealistically high standards for their partner, finding themselves crestfallen when they realize or she doesn't quite measure up.   If you seek perfection, I'm here to tell you that you'll never find it. There will always be qualities inherent in one's nature that won't go over well with others. Some people are exceedingly meek, while others are overly pompous. Certain individuals are unambitious while others can't seem to put their work down. Whether these are seen as positive traits or negative ones really varies by person.  Sure, it doesn't mean we can't work toward making the relationship as strong as it can possibly be by addressing our flaws, listening to our partner's grievances, and withholding the compulsion to finger-point and pass judgment.  But a relationship should never be regarde...

Most of us are constantly looking for ways to boost our brainpower, especially if we're in or nearing retirement.  Thankfully, several foods we eat are not only delightful to the palate, they boast properties that aid in cognitive function and enhance memory.  While there's a plethora we could name, I'd like to focus in this post on one treat in particular many of us -- no matter our age -- can't seem to get enough of: Chocolate!  Made from the seed of the cocoa tree, dark chocolate is one of the best sources of antioxidants on the planet. It is rich in iron, fiber, copper, magnesium, and manganese, plus other minerals advantageous to your brain health. A few years back, a research team at Harvard studied the effects of cocoa -- in particular, flavanol, a natural compound in cocoa beans -- in 60 people ranging from 67 to 77 years of age. They were instructed to drink hot cocoa twice a day for an entire month. As it turns out, the chocolate appeared to boost the brain...

There's a very thin line between being nice and allowing oneself to be a complete doormat -- a line many kind-hearted people struggle to identify.  Here are a few indicators that you probably should tone down the niceness factor just a little bit: 1. No matter how many t imes people let you down, you continue to issue them free passes.  All it takes is an ostensibly heart-felt apology for you to take someone back. Perhaps you're still with your boyfriend even after he cheated on you three times. Maybe you've kept in your life an old friend who has been spotted talking behind your back on a number of occasions. It's important to recognize that saying sorry means nothing if the person repeats the very behavior they express contrition for.  2. You constantly put others' needs and wishes before your own.  One thing is to help out those who find themselves in a real bind. Another is to bend over backwards for them at the expense of your own happiness, even when their...