How To Understand People

By now, you may have picked up on a common refrain across many of my posts: That happiness lies in the present, which is why we should aim to live in the here and now. Sadly, however, many people live only for a better tomorrow. Then, when tomorrow comes, their focus is still on the future.  There's nothing wrong with being forward-looking and continually aiming to achieve goals. But unless one takes time every now and then to appreciate the present -- to come up for air and smell the roses, so to speak -- they will always find themselves in a state of yearning rather than contentment. For example, some people have an insatiable appetite for acquiring material goods, whether they be clothes, shoes, gadgets, and cars. No sooner do they get their hands on one than they already set their sights on their next conquest. They may leave the item collecting dust, rendering it obsolete in a few years. In essence, they're all about the chase. Once what they want is in their...

Gallup's annual survey of global emotions has unveiled that last year, Americans experienced anger, stress, and worry at levels eclipsing those observed over the past 10 years. The data is based on polling of over 150,000 people around the world, including 1,000 Americans. Americans' stress levels were significantly higher than the global average of 35 percent, leaving the U.S. tied for fourth (alongside Iran, Albania, and Sri Lanka) in Gallup's ranking of the most stressed populations around the globe. Greece came in first at 59 percent, while Tanzania and the Phillipines followed closely behind. As far as worry, the U.S. came in at 45 percent, slightly higher than the global average of 39 percent. (Mozambique has the world's most worried population with 63 percent.) And in terms of anger, although Anericans experienced the emotion at levels on par with the global average of 22 percent, this figure was still higher than in prior years. In fact, U.S. respo...

Many people are under the misapprehension that only by gaining the approval of others can we truly be happy. But this couldn't be further from the truth. While people can certainly enrich our lives, some individuals lock themselves into the mindset that without others' validation, they must be doing something wrong. It compels them to plead with these people for answers. It pushes them to change in any way necessary to gain their acceptance. Granted, if the person in question is living recklessly -- say, doing drugs, mistreating his wife, or gambling away his savings every weekend -- it is not surprising that others may not wish to associate themselves with the individual until he changes his ways. But if he isn't harming himself or anyone else, there's no reason to deprive himself of experiencing happiness merely because certain people may not give their stamp of approval. But here's the thing: Happiness comes from inside of you. Others' approval ...

Isn't it terrible when someone you care about takes you for granted? It could be a partner, a friend, or even a relative who: Turns to you only when they need something Leaves you in the lurch when you're in a rough patch yourself Insists they will change, but they never do Seems to prioritize everyone in his or her life except you No matter how often you convey that you feel angry, hurt, and taken advantage of, they carry on with the behavior, assuming that you're going to stick around. Their reasoning is: If you haven't left already, why would you now? This is precisely the kind of mindset that causes so many relationships to go under. Some people expect the other person to do all the work, thinking that alone will sustain the relationship. Or, they may do a little here and there, but never commit themselves to the degree the other person is. Sooner or later, the person being taken for a ride gives up and moves on. In certain cases, the other in...

Most people -- male or female, college student or seasoned professional -- would attest to desiring a long-term relationship. Or, if they're already in one, for that relationship to last a long time, if not forever. Research has shown that a surefire predictor of relationship success is getting to know each other before marriage and/or cohabitation is brought into the conversation.  Now, that's not to say that a relationship won't last if the pair marry or move in with each other speedily after meeting. Chances are, many of us know someone who did just that and they're still with their significant other. But this is the exception rather than the rule. It makes complete sense why a couple that chooses not to rush to the alter and/or shack up so quickly has a better chance of seeing their relationship last. For one, they afford themselves time to really get to know each other. That includes gaining a good grasp on one another's: Dreams and aspirations ...

Is anyone in your life, to put it mildly, a pain in the rear end? Maybe it's your stubborn boss, narrow-minded neighbor, or obstinate father-in-law. The reason many people tend to be difficult is because they have trouble seeing things from a point of view that diverges from their own. To them, the sky is blue and can never be gray. Open-mindedness is simply not in their vocabulary, let alone their repertoire. What's worse, these very individuals are often reluctant to concede they're wrong even after realizing it. Egocentricity often goes hand-in-hand with intransigence. So what is one to do about people who have such a hard time being flexible in their views and opinions? All we can really do is make an entreaty for them to consider our perspective. If, however, it goes in one ear and out the other, then nothing will change until they come to the realization that others have a right to differ in their outlook -- and that their take merits consideration a...

He promised you he'd always remain loyal to you, but you later discovered he had a girlfriend on the side. She pledged that she'd always be there for you, in good times and bad ones, but when you recently lost your job, she couldn't be bothered to visit or console you. We've all been in situations where people we trusted wholeheartedly wound up letting us down in a big way. Once you realize the individual isn't as great as you thought, you may experience a range of emotions -- from disbelief to anger to utter sadness. Worst of all, you may be tempted into blaming yourself for what happened. You may ask yourself a litany of questions such as: "How could I be so naive?" "Why didn't I see this coming?" "Was it something I did or said?" "How could I have wasted my time and energy in such a heartless person?" Before you know it, you've beaten yourself silly ruminating about the whys and what ifs. Do ...

If there's something we could all agree on, it's that there is always going to be something about every individual in our life -- from our partner to our friends to our coworkers -- that we don't necessarily like. There's always going to be a trait, tendency, or quirk that gets under our skin and that we would probably do away with if given the choice. Maybe they're a tad cheap. Perhaps they're a bit stuck-up. They could very well be messy, aloof, or prone to lying. Hopefully, we are able to turn a blind eye to these perceived shortcomings. But for those things that aren't as easy to gloss over, it's up to us to decide what we're willing or not willing to tolerate. The key question becomes: At what point does something we perceive as a character flaw in another person become too much to handle? Let's be fair, though. It isn't as if we're perfect either. So if we decide to cut ties with someone because of, say, their substa...

Don't just pay attention to people's words. Give greater importance to their actions , for they count far more. Think of words as being like the facade of a home, and actions being akin to the foundation. Sure, a house can look pretty and structurally sound on the outside, but if the foundation is compromised, it can have dire consequences. The same goes for a car whose impeccable exterior masks problems that lie under the hood. In the content of a relationship, people may say they would go to the ends of the Earth for you, but if their behaviors fail to back up their words, such individuals are full of hot air. It's people's actions that lend their words substance. Imagine how many relationships have gone down the drain because people's words didn't match up with their deeds (or misdeeds, I should say). Maybe you're in a relationship with someone who says he loves you, but he never seems to be around when you're most in need of his supp...

Self-awareness is critical to a happy, balanced life. The dictionary defines it as "conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires. Take a deep dive within yourself and explore that which makes you happy, sad, excited, nervous, peaceful. Analyze your words. Assess your motives. Delve into your deepest desires. Only by paying attention to your feelings can you truly get to know yourself -- the things that make you unique, the inherent qualities that set you apart. It's not about criticizing yourself, but rather being cognizant of your patterns of thought and behavior. Just because you acknowledge your faults doesn't mean you dwell on them. But recognizing them enables you to decide which ones you're willing to accept as well as the ones that call for change. Self-awareness doesn't necessarily stop you from making mistakes -- it allows you to learn from them so that you're less apt to repeat them in the future...

No matter how well we think we know someone, some people never cease to surprise us. That easygoing guy at work whom you thought could never hurt a fly may turn out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. That seemingly wonderful girl whom you could confidently say you could trust more than some people in your own family could wind up stabbing you in the back. In essence, some people aren't always whom they seem. Pay close attention to the last part of that sentence: "Whom they seem." What we're saying, really, is that we perceive someone to be a certain way, but we can never be totally sure they're like that beneath the surface, or when they're not around us. And as I've reminded you in prior entries, perception is reality in our eyes even though that may not be the case in actuality. Yet, the same works when it's the other way around. Someone may strike us as rude, antisocial, indifferent, but when we really get to know them, we find ...

Nobody would argue that relationships are (or should be) about give and take. If one finds himself constantly giving but never receiving -- be it love, affection, emotional support -- it won't be long before he realizes things are badly lopsided, potentially prompting him to walk unless the other person begins to appreciate him more. That being said, many people argue that relationships should be 50/50, with each partner investing an equal amount of time and energy. But should it always be this way? While I think partners should certainly strive to contribute proportionally, it can't be this way ALL the time. If someone has had a bad day at work or isn't feeling well, it makes sense for one partner to be noticeably more giving for the time being. Then, when the other person suffers a similar fate, they, too, should receive the same treatment. Then there are those cases where both individuals suffer together (e.g., grieving the loss of a mutual friend) and act ...

Hate doing the laundry? Detest washing the dishes? Do you often put off taking the dog for a walk because you'd rather be cozy in bed watching Law and Order reruns? We've all been there. When it comes to chores and other stuff on our To Do Lists that we loathe doing, we may find ourselves procrastinating -- so much so that we may come home to find the electricity has been shut off due to unpaid bills, we barely have any clean clothes to wear, or the leak we left unattended for weeks now poses a flood risk. While we may never actually grow to like these tasks, here's a valuable tip for helping you carry them out quicker and make them more bearable: With task enhancement, you add a positive stimulus/distraction to the mix so as to give your mind something more enjoyable to focus on while you complete the task. For example, I hate doing exercise after work, but I remind myself that it goes a long way toward keeping the pounds off. If I didn't have my iPod wit...