How To Understand People

Now that the holidays are here, everyone's first order of business outside of work is to buy their loved ones presents. In some people's minds, the bigger and more expensive the item, the better.  But let's face it: Even though we have good intentions, love -- at the end of the day -- isn't measured in gifts. It's measured in the little things we do every day (not just during Christmas) to show people we love them, such as  Surprising them with a hot cup of coffee on a frigid morning Creating a scrapbook with pictures that capture special memories  Sending texts throughout the day just to let the other know they are thinking of them Taking them to a museum to see a popular exhibit he or she never experienced as a kid  Chatting poolside over coffee into the wee hours  Cooking his or her favorite meal on any ordinary day -- as a way of saying "you're special and deserve this" True love is priceless - it cannot be quantified. If a man can't afford to ...

When someone tells you they're not ready or interested in a relationship right now, what should you do? Should you take them at their word? Should you still make an effort to change their mind? The answer should be obvious: Do not commit to someone who isn't inclined to commit to you. You don't want to invest time, energy, and feelings in someone who just wants a no-strings-attached kind of deal. If that's what you desire as well, fine. But if you're past the casual flings and yearn for something more substantive, you shouldn't bother with these folks.  You should consider yourself fortunate if the person tells you upfront that they're not interested in something serious. That affords you the opportunity to move on and look for someone whose plans align with yours. In some cases, people will feign interest in a long-term commitment just to get into the other person's bed or wallet. Everything seems kosher until subjects like meeting one another's par...

Contrary to popular opinion, walking away doesn't signal weakness on your part. It doesn't mean you're quitting on the relationship.  The truth of the matter is that we often walk away when we perceive the other person as having lost interest and given up. When you've exhausted all options -- from having frank conversations to trying to vivify the relationship by trying out new things to suggesting counseling -- you yourself are left so emotionally drained that you have nothing else left to give.  Failed relationships are usually the product of only one partner (or, in the worst cases, neither) investing time and energy in the other person. This can be challenging for some people because you have to be very intentional about it -- carving out time for your partner, coming up with ways to infuse life into the relationship, and so on. But most people use work, the kids, and other items on their To Do List as reasons for not being on the ball.  If your conscience tells you...

It isn't always easy to believe in ourselves. We can hit any number of roadblocks in life, often through no fault of our own, whether it's not meeting our dietary goals or landing that book contract as quickly as we like.  But as cliche as it sounds, patience and persistence are integral. If you don't feel deep down that you have what it takes to make it happen, you won't.  When you believe in yourself, everything the naysayers have told you -- that you can't do this, that you can't achieve that -- fades into oblivion.  When you believe in yourself, self-doubt gives way to self-confidence, propelling you to accomplish goals you never thought possible. When you believe in yourself, you stop telling yourself that every one except you is capable. You begin to accept that you're just as equipped -- if not more so -- to succeed.  When you believe in yourself, you cease proffering excuses for why you can't do something. You stop saying "I'll try....

It sounds counterintuitive, right? As we approach Thanksgiving, we aim to be thankful for the wonderful folks in our lives The ones who are there for us when we need them. The ones who lift us when we hit rock bottom emotionally. So you might be wondering why in the world I'm suggesting we should be grateful for the naysayers, the toxic folks, the unredeemable narcissists.  Well, if we didn't have people like this in our lives, we would never come to appreciate those who embody the exact opposite qualities -- decency, respect, humility, and integrity, among others. That isn't to say that you should keep these folks in your life unnecessarily. Sometimes we need to put up with them for a job (the tyrannical boss) or for someone else's sake (the meddling in-laws).  But when someone is that unpleasant, it's easy to draw a contrast between them and the individuals you've come to respect and admire, e.g., sweet Sue in human resources or your boyfriend's caring cou...