How To Understand People

Has COVID brought the dating market to its knees?  Not quite, although, as one would suspect, people are trying to balance staying healthy and safe with keeping their love lives from going full-on rusty. But there's no question that, with many businesses ground to a halt and crowd-attracting events nixed indefinitely, it limits opportunities to meet and connect with people.  Social distancing and reduced capacity limits in restaurants, movie theaters, and other venues where you might ordinarily strike up a conversation with someone doesn't exactly lend itself to romance.  Thankfully, with the rollout of vaccines, we may finally be turning the corner, as deaths and cases have been dropping sharply in recent weeks.  Just because we are still in the middle of a pandemic doesn't mean you can't go on dates, but you should insist that whoever you meet get tested, as he or she may ask you as well. It isn't as if meeting in a quiet restaurant, mall, or park is all bad. Thin...

How many times have you encountered someone who's tried to push their beliefs on you, making you feel as though they'll cast you out should you dissent? I am here to tell you one thing: You need no one's validation but your own!  Really, who says others are cool and you're not? Who determines that your way is wrong and there's isn't? Why should you have to defer to others on matters of style? If society frowns upon some of your lifestyle choices simply because they're not in step with what everyone else does -- say, your decision to abstain from drinking or your reluctance to attend late-night parties -- so be it.  Be yourself! There is nothing wrong with being your most unique, individual self. As long as you love and are being true to yourself -- and you're not hurting anyone in the process -- why should your methods be deemed incorrect? If people feel so insecure as to consider no one else's perspective but their own, that's their problem. Whe...

Has anyone ever told you you're the only one for them -- that they vow to be faithful to you for the rest of your lives -- only to turn around and cheat on you? Few things could be as devastating.  Imagine that: Someone who you envisioned spending the rest of your life with shattering your trust so egregiously. The fact of the matter is that they were never being sincere about how they felt. Because when someone truly loves you, they wouldn't dare jeopardize the bond you share -- let alone by cheating. And none of these count as justifiable: Drinking too much Being stressed at work Being seduced  Feeling unhappy in the relationship  You don't go around canoodling with other men or women when something is awry in the relationship or, more generally, in your life. You make your partner aware of it so they can help you. You communicate. You discuss your options.  If you see the relationship as no longer bringing you fulfillment, you either agree to seek counseling with ...

Who ever thought that this, of all things, would be so integral to a more fulfilling life? I speak of gratitude -- making the most of what one has rather than yearning for the best and most of everything.  And gratitude boils down to perspective, one's way of seeing the world.  Some people see an old plate and others see the very thing that holds the nutritious food they're blessed to have. Some people see a rickety car and someone else sees the very thing that keeps them from having to take to the bus or walk long distances, sometimes into sketchy neighborhoods. Some people see a cramped apartment they can't wait to flee from while others see a roof over their heads -- a home where they can spend time and create memories with family. Here are just a few of the ways society prevents us from experiencing true happiness: By telling us to buy the next best and biggest thing, even if we're happy with the one we have -- whether it's a phone, car, or house  By persuading...

The two most consequential decisions you'll ever make in your life concern your choice of career and your choice of partner. Many of us happen to make these decisions in earnest -- at least for the first time -- when we're fairly young and lacking in life experience.  Perhaps we're just out of high school and we decide on law or pre-med as a major while embarking on a new relationship with someone who ostensibly has "long-term potential" written all over them. As we well know, though, life gives us many different twists and turns, sometimes veering us in directions we never could have imagined.  Events such as these can affect our life trajectory: Going away for college A death in the family  A break-up Switching jobs or careers  Layoffs Starting a business Moving to a new city  Getting married Having kids Illness  But there's no doubt that the decisions we make in our professional and love lives figure prominently in our life satisfaction, or lack thereof....

According to the dictionary, the word bias simply means a preference or an inclination, especially one that inhibits impartial judgment. For example, you might have a favorable impression of the teaching profession because your mother and wife are both in that field.  Or, you might asked to be excused from participating as a juror given your bias against cops following a bad experience you had with a security guard at your school. Confirmation bias, moreover, is the tendency to search for, favor, interpret, and remember information in such a way as to confirm one's preexisting hypotheses or beliefs, while giving disproportionately less consideration to alternative possibilities. The perfect example? Politics. Democratic voters tend to get their information from liberal-leaning networks like CNN and MSNBC while Republicans opt for conservative channels like Fox News.  Indeed, we trust and recall information that fits in with our existing world view while discounting information...

We are always looking for ways to make the most of the limited time we have on this planet, which can be a tall order given the slew of responsibilities with which we have to contend.  But carving out the time is paramount! In fact, it's imperative we strive to make the most of each and every day. Sure, we can plan for the future and learn from the past, but we mustn't harp on either or we risk missing out on the here and now.  To ensure you live a fulfilling life, ask yourself this key question: If I were in my deathbed, what will I wish I'd done more? And go do it -- now! Will you regret not having spent more hours at the office? Not having bought more stuff to pile up in the closet or garage? Probably not. You'll probably wish you'd spent more time with your loved ones and pets, more time savoring the little things in life -- which, when you reflect on the totality of life, will seem like big things. Let's be real: Life can't be all fun and games all the ...

It's normal to put yourself first every now and then. After all, if we constantly bend over for everyone but ourselves -- the demanding boss, the friend who's always broke -- our well-being will eventually take a major nosedive.  The people we have to be especially wary of the ones who take, take, take -- but never give back. Relationships are about scratching each other's back. But this doesn't necessarily mean they always have to be 50/50.  There will be times where one person is more in need than the other, whether they're struck with an unexpected illness, they lose a loved one, or they get fired from work.  We all have to contend with adversity at different points in our lives, and we often turn to friends and family for support.  But what if they fail to accommodate you even after we've been there for them countless times? It should be an indication that they're in it for themselves. I can understand their not being able to lend you money each and ever...

Do you ever get that sneaking suspicion that someone is lying to you even though you want to believe them? Maybe it's a co-worker who tries to assure you she wasn't the one who furtively stole the stapler. Maybe it's a friend who calls you at the last minute to say they've come down with a stomach bug and cannot attend your birthday party.  The simplest way to tell if someone is lying to you is to assess whether their words match their actions. For example, I was once involved with a woman who professed her love for me day and night.  I'd met her online and was always eager to meet up in person, but she never seemed to share in that enthusiasm. Everytime I proposed going to the mall or movies together, she came up with a new excuse for why she couldn't go. After much cajoling, she agreed to meet face-to-face. I was smitten and always looked forward to our next encounter, but the feeling didn't seem mutual.  In the end, I saw her two or three times, and then ...

"You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served." The above is one of my all-time favorites because it perfectly encapsulates one of the primary reasons relationships go awry. I've lost track of the many times I've held on to a relationship for far too long in hopes that the individual would come to respect me and value everything I brought to the table.  Unfortunately, it didn't happen. Here are just a few examples of ways people demonstrate they possess no respect for you: They cheat on you. They lie, and lie, and lie some more. They take you for granted. They stab you in the back.  They're abusive, whether physically or emotionally. They fail to value your point of view.  One thing is to feel genuine remorse for one's actions. But some of these individuals are cognizant that what they're doing is wrong and yet they persist in their unbecoming behavior. Sadly, most of these people will never change. Their declaratio...