How To Understand People

If you've watched your fair share of romantic movies or devoured a romance novel or two, this scene may be all too familiar to you by now: The handsome male lead doing everything in his power to sweep his love interest off her feet -- writing her poems, buying her chocolates, planting a kiss at the end of the night.  And even if the pair are already in a relationship together, it's the man who tends to be portrayed as the one responsible for making his partner feel beautiful and valued.  While it's certainly true that a guy should strive to make his lady feel appreciated, it goes the other way as well. Men may not show it, but they, too, yearn to feel desired, to feel needed. They love receiving compliments, being told they're attractive, and being chased by their significant other every now and then. This, of course, extends to the bedroom. Men like for their partner to initiate and take control when least expected. But even so small a gesture as a call or text to tell...

Even amongst my closest male friends, I've noticed something of a pattern: Men generally don't like to talk about their problems. I recently wrote to a friend who uncharacteristically forgot my birthday this year. To my surprise, he told me he'd had surgery and had been in recovery for two weeks.  He didn't seem inclined to talk much about it; in fact, he didn't even disclose what kind of surgery he'd had. I'm in a similar boat with yet another male friend, who recently broke up with his fiancée of three years and has been scant on details.  This despite the fact that I, as a man, have been transparent with them about my health and relationship woes in the past.  I understand not everyone is at the same comfort level when it comes to divulging personal information, even to close friends.  But these very men have a tendency to pry into the affairs of others. They may ask questions of me that they wouldn't answer themselves if it were the other way around....

You've had a rough day.  Your tire blew out, causing you to arrive two hours late to work. To make matters worse, your boss gives you an earful when you walk through the door, after which you realize you left your credit card at the one-hour-away car shop while waiting for your vehicle to be serviced.  No sooner do you grab your phone in a huff to call the shop and see if anyone can track it down than your credit card company is calling you to verify if you made $1,250 in purchases at Saks Fifth Avenue.  We've each had some variation of the crappy day outlined above. And our only consolation is often the thought of going home to someone -- anyone -- who can cheer us up a little. Maybe it's our partner, roommate, or neighbor.  But maybe you've begun to notice a pattern of seeming indifferent to your distress. You always hope this time will be different -- that this individual will be there to listen, to say they know what you're going through. Unfortunately, though, ...

If there's something we can all agree on, it's that life can be wonderful. But it can also be unfair and unpredictable. We are always subject to unforeseen events and situations both in our personal and professional lives.  The company we envisioned working for until retirement suddenly shuts its doors.  Our spouse of 20 years files for divorce, claiming he or she no longer feels that "spark." This is precisely why I encourage people to remain nimble, to always expect the unexpected.  Though it's impossible to detach ourselves emotionally from the things and people we value, we need to approach them logically as well and accept that they may cease to be in our lives someday.  So how do we ensure we're not completely blindsided by unforeseen occurrences? For one, the mere act of visualizing yourself without that person or partner can help soften the blow.  And as the title of this post suggests, you needn't put all your eggs in one basket.  If you're si...

In a prior post, I discussed how anxiety may drive people to clean their homes, organize their offices, or wash their cars. Cleaning isn't atop most people's lists of things they enjoy doing -- hence the reason so many with the means hire people to do it for them. I like keeping my condo clean, which is why I try to tidy up at least once a week.  But every now and then, I break out the vacuum cleaner not because the place is a mess, but because I am -- and cleaning helps me unwind.  Perhaps I've had a tough day at work, or my wife and I have just had a terrible argument.  In lieu of taking my frustration out on a punching bag, stress ball, pillow, or some other object, I derive satisfaction from sucking up dust or removing stains. Filthy grime be gone! Perhaps I see them as embodying the negative emotions I'm wrestling -- anger, frustration, disillusionment -- and picture myself quashing such feelings with the aid of a handy broom or duster.  Once I'm done cleaning,...