How To Understand People

I've noticed that many friends, relatives, and close family members tend to pull a disappearing act once someone ties the knot. Why exactly does this happen? The only thing that springs to mind is that they worry they could call or show up at the wrong time and upset the spouse, who's now regarded as having more of a say over the other person's day-to-day plans. "I'd better not call -- he's probably out with the wife anyway." This kind of thinking is especially characteristic of people who themselves are single. You would think that married couples might be more apt to hang out together since they share the same life stage; the same goes for couples who've recently had kids. To piggyback on a point I made in an earlier post, relationships and friendships gradually dwindle when both parties find themselves at different stages of their lives. A recently married couple with no plans to have kids in the near future will not have the same interests ...

Ever realize how finding the right partner is very much like finding the right job or house? Arguably, these are the biggest life-altering decisions we face in life. Finding the right job, house, or partner involve a lot of patience and trial-and-error. We tend to be picky about what we want in each. And as we progress in life, what seemed like the right choice years ago may not be so now. If we all had a crystal ball, we would find our so-called soulmates and the divorce rate in turn would be at 0 percent. Oh how nice that would be! But the only constant in life is change. Our preferences change. Our circumstances change. Most of all, we change -- as do our partners. It's interesting how differently our lives would have turned out had we decided to go with a different love interest, opted for a different house in another neighborhood, or chosen a different job in a different company. We never know whether the paths we choose to trod are the right ones till later. We can ...

There's at least one of them at every job: The kind of person who likes to pry into the lives of others while disclosing little to nothing about his or her own. Frankly, I can't stand people who do this. I have a co-worker who, like me, is currently looking to buy or rent a place. He loves asking me how my search is going, but neglects to volunteer any information about how he's faring in the housing market -- let alone any details of a more personal nature. When I find myself reluctant to divulge any such information, I give a vague answer and subtly change the subject. The other person is likely to get the point and hopefully will be less likely to broach the subject again. It's just another classic example of hypocrisy -- people who nosily fish for information on others' lives but refuse to disclose any on their own lives. Don't let people get away with it!

That's right. Whoever cares least in the relationship has the upper hand. Why? Because it shows you're better than your partner at keeping your emotions in check. It demonstrates you're not quick to get riled up. It shows your partner better think again if he or she is bent on getting the best of you. Does this suggest you should now suddenly try to ignore your partner or act indifferent in his or her presence? Does this mean you should turn a blind eye or deaf ear to everything the person says? Not at all!  There's a fine line between apathy and sheer coldness. But if you want to make sure you're never putty in your partner's hand, don't act bothered by everything he does -- whether it's coming home late from work or forgetting your birthday. Check out more relationship tips and advice: Relationship Tips & Relationship Advice

The power of the mind sure is impressive. Have you noticed the powerful influence your thoughts exert on your mood? When I'm going through a tough stretch, I take solace in the fact that others have it worse. That, in turn, allows me to readjust my thinking so that I'm now seeing my situation as not-so-horrible. In other words, it's like looking through the same situation through a different lens. The problem is that we tend to focus too much on what we don't have. We harp on the negative, which ultimately has a greater impact on us than positive news and information. Whenever I feel tempted to complain that my car isn't nice enough, I immediately shift mental gears and focus on all the great things and people I've been blessed with in my life. When I feel the urge to grumble about my job not being exciting enough, I stop and give thanks that I am not one of countless people in this country struggling to pay the bills. This doesn't mean you should ...

Each relationship and friendship hits a rough patch every now and then. The longer the relationship, the more it's likely to happen. Some of my closest friendships have been tested on various occasions over the years, yet we managed to navigate those rough waters and the bond emerged stronger as a result. Each relationship brings its own unique challenges, and it takes mutual effort to keep it alive. If you confront rocky times, don't be so quick to give up on the relationship. After all, you and your friend or partner likely have years of special moments to fondly reflect on -- do you really want to see them go down the drain? If, after a conscious effort to mend fences, both people find that the relationship is beyond repair, then you're better off moving on. But remember -- just because there's a storm today doesn't mean there can't be sunnier weather tomorrow. Get more relationship tips, counseling, and advice by clicking here: Relationship Tips and ...