How To Understand People

Here's an irony for you: When nothing is sure, everything is possible. I know that "everything" can encompass both good and bad outcomes. We can find a great job or spend another two frustrating months looking, see our relationship thrive or devolve into chaos, hit it big in the stock market or lose a boatload of money. Life is really what we make of it. The possibilities are there -- we need only seize them. But we make that impossible to do if: 1. We give up prematurely. Thomas Edison once said,"I haven't failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work. This quote, too, is attributed to the famous inventor: "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were when they gave up." Indeed, some people draw so close to the promised land they can almost taste it -- only to wave the white flag. Perhaps they become dissuaded by a friend or relative, don't see the financial returns of a venture as quic...

Because of the sweeping layoffs and closures caused by the coronavirus pandemic -- the effects of which were felt as early as March -- the economy is bruised and battered. The question on everyone's mind is, of course, how these turbulent economic conditions may affect them. Here are three things that are likely to remain higher than usual for the foreseeable future: 1. Unemployment. Looking to get a better job? With over 40 million Americans filing for unemployment during the pandemic and the real jobless rate purported to be at a staggering 24%, you might be better waiting out the economic storm. While the number of weekly jobless claims has dropped eight straight weeks since topping out at 6.9 million in April, it still marks 10 consecutive weeks with claims exceeding 2 million. To put this in perspective, before the coronovirus prompted the shutdown of  businesses across the U.S., weekly U.S. unemployment claims had averaged 218,000. Needless to say, those applying ...

Have you ever trusted someone to be there when you need them, only to see them bolt when things really start to fall apart? Maybe you needed advice during your tumultous divorce, a place to stay after the passing of your spouse, or a few bucks after being laid off that you promised to pay back. Yep, we've all been there. It's plain to see why this can be so hurtful. Not only did they leave you in the lurch, but they clearly demonstrated their actions didn't mirror their words. Essentially, they lied, and maybe you can't imagine ever trusting them again -- and rightly so. But we can't give these people the satisfaction of seeing us all bent out of shape, as it will convey that they have us emotionally wrapped around their finger. We ought to remind ourselves that for every person who betrays us, there's one out there who will stand behind us no matter what life throws our way -- whether it be a close friend, reliable neighbor, or caring cousin. Th...

If you ask most women, they would say they're always up for wearing a nice necklace. If you ask most men, they'd assert that they're happy to gift one to the woman they love. But chances are you wouldn't be as inclined to wear or give a vibrating social distancing necklace. You're probably wondering what on God's earth that is (as I was when I first read about it on the Smithsonian's website). You may remember that Italy was one of the first countries to get buffeted by the coronavirus. As of this writing, it has led to nearly 33,000 deaths in the European country. Even though the lockdown measures there have largely been eased, businesses big and small are taking steps to curb the virus's spread, and museums are no exception. At Florence Cathedral, electronic devices worn on lanyards will notify visitors if they’re standing too close to their neighbors. How? By vibrating and lighting up, much like a noisy cell phone or a pager you'd ge...

Many of us would admit to drawing comparisons between ourselves and celebrities who have achieved great fame and wealth. Maybe you've compared your physique to that of Dwayne Johnson, your hair to that of Scarlett Johansson, or your zany sense of humor to that of Chris Rock. As long as you're not trying to be these people -- recognizing that while you can get inspiration from them, you're your own person -- I see no problem with it. After all, we can respect and admire the Hollywood elite without necessarily aping their mannerisms, buying all the products they endorse, and longing to be in their very shoes. However, when it comes to a relationship, you're dealing with someone you presumably love and trust, and who loves and trusts you. Someone who values you for who you are. These are the kinds of comparisons that will not only land you in water, but possibly put the relationship in serious jeopardy: 1. Comparing your partner to your ex, or someone you fee...

These unprecedented economic times are turning normal shopping and saving patterns on their heads. Whether you work in hospitality or healthcare, finance or education, you've surely felt the effects either in your industry or in your personal life. Overall, U.S. retail sales dropped by a record 16.4% from March to April as business shutdowns caused by the coronavirus shellacked stores big and small. Unfortunately, many were already in a precarious state pre-pandemic thanks to stiff competition from Amazon. Nearly $1 of every $5 spent at retailers last month went to non-store retailers, signaling a definite shift toward online shopping. With exception to online, not a single retail category was spared in April. Furniture stores and appliance/electronics stores absorbed whopping losses of 60% or more. Car dealers saw a plunge of 13%. Even clothing retailers have been walloped. Clothing-store sales sagged 79% and department stores 29%. In recent weeks, J.Crew, Neiman Ma...

Thanks to the pandemic, introversion -- at least for the time being -- is the new normal, or, at the very least, is far more socially acceptable than it was just a few months ago. Who knows? It may very well become the new cool going forward in a society that ordinarily frowns upon those who value solitude and time for quiet reflection. It feels as though introverts have been waiting and prepared for an event like this their whole lives. Although I've touched upon introversion in earlier posts, here's a quick recap of what it really means to be an introvert: You draw energy inward. You're not necessarily shy or antisocial -- you simply need alone time for recharging.  You prefer small groups to large ones. You value one-on-one conversations because fewer participants means not having to vie with several others to get a word in edgewise.  You prefer communicating in writing rather than verbally because it affords you the opportunity to think through yo...

Do you sense that you and a close friend have been drifting apart? Maybe you only connect via text or FaceTime on birthdays and other special occasions whereas before your spouses had to beg each of you to get off the phone every day. Or, perhaps you met up for lunch once a week and now you're lucky if you can convene once a year. Take heart: It happens in many a friendship. What truly puts friendships to the test is when both people find themselves in different stages of life. Or, they can be in the same stage of life and just be too preoccupied to attend to one another like they did in the heyday of the friendship. This can include one or both individuals: Getting a new (and more demanding) job.  Moving to a different city.  Making new friends.  Hooking up with/marrying someone. Having children. Taking up new hobbies and interests. As people get older, their priorities do change, which leaves less time for friendships. But in the strongest f...

Many bosses loathe the idea of having their subordinates work from home for one simple reason: It makes them feel as though they've lost some measure of control. Obviously, this doesn't apply to all supervisors, as many of us would agree our bosses are comfortable with our working from home as long as the work gets done. Those who fall into this camp are primarily: Old school, preferring everyone work from the office all the time Control freaks Slave drivers Micro managers Highly extroverted people who prefer verbal to written communication There's nothing wrong with preferring to work at the office because it affords you more structure, you have fewer distractions to contend with, and so forth. But many power-hungry bosses can't bear the thought of not being able to pop into your cubicle and press you on why the budget forecast isn't yet complete.  There's no physical office with their title slapped proudly to the door, visible...

Every now and then, the word nerd in me comes out, prompting me to share unfamiliar, weird-sounding words with my readers. I am, after all, a writer by trade. Just recently I came upon one that called for dusting off the old dictionary (or, actually, running a quick Google search).  The word is genuflect, which means to be servilely respectful or deferential. In order words, one is so overly respectful as to command disrespect. They're putty in others' hands.  Synonyms include to pander and to fawn. While courtesy and respect should be expected of everyone, taking it to this extreme can actually be a liability, both in one's career and relationships. It sends the message you're willing to do virtually anything to secure their approval. Never be afraid to stand your ground. You need no one's validation to feel happy and complete. Don't genuflect; instead, be generous and genuine without allowing anyone to walk over or manipulate you!