How To Understand People

And no, a strong sex drive and big muscles didn't quite make the cut. I know there are several contenders for the top 2 spots, but I would say the two qualities women desire most in men are honesty and self-confidence. I thought about sense of humor, but not every single woman necessarily seeks a man who can make her laugh. That would probably occupy 4th or 5th place on the list. However, every woman I've talked to says a man HAS to be sincere -- no ifs or buts about it. If she can't trust the guy, there's no way that a relationship could ever be possible with that person. With stories of infidelity dominating the tabloids and the divorce rate skyrocketing, it's no wonder that women are on high alert. Then there's self-confidence. Women desire men who are sure of themselves. Now, they don't have to be self-confident when it comes to every itty bitty thing they do (no one's perfect), but they should show passion and a drive to excel at something, wh...

My last post centered on how the internet can keep some of us much more entertained than others. Those who are not big on "things" -- the internet, books, and so on -- turn to people to keep them engaged. Why is this? Well, it has to do with two key factors: 1. Our personality 2. Our interests As I have mentioned in prior posts, extroverts direct their energy outward and thrive on social interaction, while introverts direct their energy inward and feel at their best while engaging in solitary activities like reading and writing. What's more, we don't all share the same interests. Many people couldn't care less about blogs, message boards, books, or Facebook. While some have remained reluctant to embrace technology, others don't use the internet as frequently because, well, they'd rather be bantering about in person. The internet can keep me entertained for hours and hours on end, but I realize some people would get flat-out bored after a whi...

The world has become increasingly digital. Nowadays, we can do almost anything online, from paying bills to shopping to finding a date for the weekend. There's concern among a growing number of people, however, that the internet is turning a lot of us into technology-dependent hermits. I think these claims are unfounded. I spend a lot of time online, but I do it because I actually enjoy communicating with people in written form. (I am, after all, a writer.) From writing posts on Blogger to actively contributing to various message boards, there are several reasons why being in cyberspace is more appealing than the "real world": You can remain anonymous: No need to worry about people judging you or knowing where you live You can share your feelings freely: I find it's sometimes easier to open up to strangers on the internet than to people in person. After all, some of those topics may be personal in nature.  You can do so many things in the comfort of your home...

Does being upset or melancholy give you the urge to splurge? A new study reveals that more people fall victim to this pattern than they realize or care to admit. People don't realize that trying to drown their sorrows by shelling out thousands of dollars for a designer handbag or luxurious watch can have adverse effects. Ironically, spending lavishly on material goods doesn't overcome feelings of, say, anger or low self esteem -- it compounds them! The elation one feels after buying an item is fleeting. Sooner or later, you'll grow accustomed to the product, get bored by it, or feel the impulse to buy that next-best-thing. You'll never feel totally happy, and this will in turn amplify your despair. Here are two alternatives that I feel will work a lot better: 1. Rely on experiences rather than tangible products -- Studies have shown that experiences ultimately bring us a lot more happiness than tangible items do. Whether it's a trip to the local museum o...

Today's quote comes from Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965), a respected organist, theologian, physician, philosopher, and medical missionary in Africa. "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." - Albert Schweitzer  I think Schweitzer is coming through loud and clear on this one. Many people feel that happiness can only be measured by how successful you are -- say, how much money you're making, how many material possessions you own, etc. But if you're happy with what you're doing to begin with, the money and goods are just icing on the cake. That's precisely why so many people have outlets outside of their regular jobs through which they can flex their creative muscle and do the things that truly matter to them. Let's face it. Most of us aren't lucky enough to work in jobs that grant us the creative latitude we so desperately crave. We're told what to do ...

Some of the ladies who responded to my last post ("Mind Twister") inspired me to write this one. Within the comments section, they asserted that their ideal mate would be tall -- somewhere between 6'0" and 6'5," to be precise. It's not the first time I've seen a woman put height so high up on her "Most Desired Traits" list. But why does tall translate into sexy for so many women? Here is what comes to mind, but I encourage you ladies to chime in: A taller man makes a woman feel more protected Women would rather look up, not down, when speaking to their partner A taller man looks better equipped to protect her in case of an altercation  Women feel more imposing when standing next to a shorter partner   I think men would be hard-pressed to find a woman who actually prefers diminutive men.  Is there something else at work here, though? Does being taller hint at a man being "bigger" in other ways (if you catch m...

Let's play a little game, shall we? I want all you ladies and gentleman to name the 3 qualities you desire most in a partner. If you're married or in a relationship, they can be the ones you appreciate most in your partner or were looking for while you were still flying solo. Two should be personality-based, and one should be a physical attribute. Then we can compare which ones are repeated most. I'll start. The 3 attributes I desired most in someone when I was still in the dating market (and, thankfully, my wife possesses all of them) are: Honesty Intelligence An ample rear (sorry, but I'm a tushy guy!) Don't worry if you get torn between a couple and have trouble narrowing it down to 3. Just aim for the ones you deem the most important. Looking forward to seeing your responses!

We've all been at a crossroads at certain points in our lives where we've had to make one or more life-altering decisions. Here are just a few examples: Deciding whether to take one job or another  Deciding whether to ask out/date one person or another Deciding whether to have kids Deciding whether to buy a house and choosing among alternatives Deciding whether to get married or divorced Deciding whether to end an old friendship And so on... Many times, the decision is forced upon us because of circumstances beyond our control. For example, if we're laid off, we have no choice but to jump back into the job market and look for work. That, of course, assumes that nothing fortuitous happens in the interim -- like winning the lottery!) Then again, many of us make decisions that we later realize were poorly planned out -- if at all. I have friends who wound up having kids at a younger age than they'd anticipated. This in turn has put a serious financial str...

I've noticed that more and more people take to Facebook these days to submit posts about how "happy" they are. To boot, they post a seemingly endless stream of pictures with their kids, relatives, etc. The question is: Beneath the surface, are these people truly happy, or are they simply putting up a front? Do they find the need to post about how happy they are to compensate for the fact that they're not, or to attempt to reassure themselves and the world that they really are? I'm not saying these people can't in fact be happy. But what's the point of saying it? It's like when a person says to you "I'm not mad, just forget about it." Well, if she was never asked whether she was mad, more than likely, she is tacitly admitting she is. Studies have shown that the more a person posts selfies and other self-absorbed posts on Facebook, the more likely he or she is to have narcissistic tendencies. Whenever I post something on my Facebook...

We've all been there: The awkward date in which both parties try to gauge each other's interest level. Here's what I've learned from experience, and which I will now teach you: If you have to work too hard to determine whether your date is interested in you, he or she likely isn't. The same applies to job interviews. I don't know about you, but I'm usually able to determine whether I have a good shot at landing the job even before I get a call or email from Human Resources. How? From judging how well the interviewer and I "clicked." In order to assess whether the date was successful (and if another date is on the horizon), you must answer the following: How much did my date and I seem to have in common? Was my date smiling and making contact throughout the evening? Did my date seem to share at least some of my views? Did he or she seem eager to leave, or did time just seem to fly for you both? Was there any mention of doing it agai...

Okay, time to put those of you who say "looks don't matter" to the test! Would you go out with someone who is chubby? Slightly overweight? Fat? Believe it or not, though they're a rare breed, there are people out there who prefer plus-set partners -- the ones with more meat on the bones. And I'm proud to say I'm one of them. Whether you want to call me a chubby chaser or BBW (big beautiful women) lover, all the girls I've gravitated toward in my life have either been voluptuous or overweight. I have always been attracted to curvy women with big breasts and behinds. I don't know what caused me to turn out this way. I think genetics might have something to do with it. After my dad and mom got divorced, the women he dated from then on were on the chubby/fat side. In addition, I, myself, have suffered from bouts of weight gain throughout my life. I was teased about my weight in elementary school, which prompted me to shed quite a few pounds and t...

Studies have revealed that if you're inclined to reminisce about past events, you'd be wise to turn to pictures, movies, and/or music. Such media, the studies suggest, help us recall prior events and experiences that we may have trouble recollecting otherwise. And this makes complete sense. How many times have you heard a song that has taken you back to your high school days? How many times have you looked at pictures that have brought back memories of old friends or flames? And how often have you watched a movie and wondered what you were doing in your life when the movie was originally released? I consider pictures, movies, and music to be windows to our past. I love employing these mediums to take a trip down memory lane and remember some of happiest moments I've ever experienced up until now. Don't ever neglect taking a camera or tape recorder with you whenever you're slated to experience a potentially life-altering event. It'll give you somethin...

I consider myself unique in several ways, among them the fact that I am an avowed minimalist who strives for simplicity. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not meaning to imply that I live like the Amish do, sans TV, cell phones, and other forms of technology. (In fact, I spend most of my day checking emails and writing posts on this blog!) What I'm getting at is that I aim to reduce clutter and avoid anything that forces me to put a great deal of time and effort into something I dislike doing. Take my recent decision to buy a condo. Condos require a lot less maintenance than houses. They're shorter on space, which cuts down on the amount of stuff you need to store and fix. You also have less real estate to keep tidy. In 2013, I opted to buy a Nissan Versa. The car is small, economical, and offers ample trunk space. Could I have purchased something bigger with more bells and whistles? Absolutely. Did I want to? Nope. It doesn't take much -- and that includes money ...

At How to Understand People, few topics are explored as extensively as that of personality. I find it to be such a compelling subject that I base at least a couple of posts on it each month. In case you missed some of my earlier posts on personality, here's a quick rundown of the chief differences between introverts and extroverts. In general, introverts: Direct their energy inward Become overwhelmed by too much stimuli (noises, colors, etc.) Become easily drained by heavy social interaction Prefer small groups of people to large ones Routinely need to recharge their batteries by being alone in a quiet setting Enjoy reading, writing, and other solitary activities Get put off by small talk Like delving deeply into subjects of interest (history, politics, science, etc.) Think carefully before they speak Don't waste words Are not confrontational Are likely to pursue careers in the arts or that require working behind the scenes In general, extroverts: Ar...

Today's quote comes from the Great Emancipator himself -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865). Ranked among the best U.S. presidents of all time, Lincoln is best known for guiding the country through the Civil War -- the bloodiest conflict in the nation's history -- and abolishing slavery. "The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time." - Abraham Lincoln What Lincoln is saying here is that the future comes only gradually, thus giving us ample time to plan for what lies ahead and realize our goals. I would argue, though, that this isn't always the case. How many times has the future caught up with us when we've least expected it? As I stated in my previous post, I proposed to my wife in 2012. We agreed to set the date for March 2014, which, at the time of the proposal, seemed a long way off. Well, those two years came around a lot quicker than I anticipated. The same goes for other life events that seemed to occur just the other day...

I've spoken to a couple of people who've admitted to not being big fans of making out. When I ask them why French kissing is not their thing, they've provide reasons like: "It's gross" "I don't like having someone's tongue shoved down my throat" "I don't fancy exchanging saliva with anyone else" "What if the person's mouth is dirty? Who knows what they ate." "They might have bad breath" My take: If it's someone you care deeply about, why not? I think making out is one of the most intimate non-penetrative acts you can engage in with someone else. Thus, I am not all that surprised that some people would be opposed to it. Kissing that escalates into a full-blown make out session is quite the adrenaline rush. There is nothing like adding a little tongue to spice things up! Have you made out recently? Do/did you find it exhilarating or quite the opposite?

2014 was a busy, stressful year for my wife and I. We started condo searching in January, and 11 months and 2 failed properties later, we finally closed on a property we find to be almost perfect for us. We had quite a few hurdles to surmount, from lenders denying us loans to dealing with a realtor who wasn't as aggressive and responsive as we'd hoped. The wedding and honeymoon were in March. We actually got engaged 2 years before the event (March 2012). Giving yourself that much time to plan the wedding is a double-edged sword. While it ensures you won't run into a time crunch like those who schedule a wedding, say, 6 months after the engagement, putting something off that long can make it feel like the big day will never arrive. Sometimes it's better to give yourself a shorter window and be done with it. Thankfully, with help from the reception hall, the night saw no serious hiccups. But everything that had to be done in the months leading up to the wedding -- fro...

Today's quote comes from Winston Churchill (1874-1965), who served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1940 to 1945 and again from 1951 to 1955. A prolific writer, artist, and historian, he won the Nobel Price in Literature and was made an honorary citizen of the United States. "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth  has a chance to put its pants on." - Winston Churchill What I feel Churchill was trying to say is that lies spread like wildfire, and even if the truth later surfaces, it isn't easy to undo the damage at that point. It reminds me of kids I went to school with who would spread rumors about their peers that were later discovered to be flat-out lies. Whether it was that one kid slept with another or that someone cheated on an exam, they had no basis in reality and often were started to undermine the target for a specific reason (they disliked or envied the person, etc.). We've also seen this play out in the media with poli...

Are you different from most of your friends or family members in some way? Is there anything about you that goes against societal norms or expectations? I am happy to say that some of my interests and personality traits go against the grain, so to speak. As a result, I sometimes find myself at odds with people when it comes to planning a night out or deciding whether to partake in certain activities. Why would I be proud of this? Because they make me who I am, and I am not ashamed of it. There can only be one you in this world, and there's no reason to apologize for having views or interests that don't align with those held by people around you. Here are some ways in which I am a little different: I am an introvert: While most people find a night of drinking and chatter with countless people to be fun, I'm happy staying home with a good book and blogging away. Too much social interaction depletes my energy reserves; I need time alone in a quiet environment to r...

A study conducted in the late 1990s revealed that a whopping 75% of respondents believed in soulmates. Of those, nearly the same proportion (3/4) were women. So, the big question is: Is there only one person in the whole world that can complete us? As much as I would love to buy into this notion, I just don't believe it to be true. People loosely throw around the word "soulmate" as a means of validating their choice of partner. We can have only so many partners in our lives-- that's why sooner or later we convince ourselves that our partner is "the one" after all. But to say that only one person in the whole world can be totally compatible with you on a mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual level just doesn't hold water in my book. I respect those who believe in fate, but I believe that what happens to us in life is a combination of fate and free will. You may be destined to meet, date, and marry John Doe, but if you're a social hermit...

Based on what I've heard -- and a few studies support this -- women generally don't care about how well endowed their partners are. To give you an apt metaphor, instead of what's under the hood, women are more interested in how well the car runs. So if size really doesn't matter, why do so many men assume that women desire a man with a big package? Men, being the visual creatures that we are, typically have no qualms about voicing their preference for women with bigger "assets" -- whether they be bigger breasts or butts. Is it any wonder that so many women invest in plastic surgery? However, I seldom see or hear women admitting to wanting a man with a bigger penis. Many men, though, simply assume that the larger their member, the better their prospects in the bedroom. It's a safe bet that if a man has a small penis but can use it in nifty ways to get his partner to achieve one or more orgasms, she will easily look past the size issue. It all go...

I am pleased to share with you the first of many Quotes of the Day. This is just one of several new features I will be integrating into the blog in the new year. Without further ado, the first Quote of the Day comes from Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), who, aside from being one of the Founding Fathers of the United States, was a respected writer, printer, inventor, scientist, statesman, and diplomat. "If you desire many things, many things will seem few." - Benjamin Franklin I love the meaning behind this well-known quote by the revered Franklin. I take it to mean that the more you yearn for material things, the less you'll be satisfied by them. You'll want something, grow bored of it, and angle for the next thing that grabs your interest. Rinse and repeat -- it's a vicious cycle that never ends. Unfortunately, we know far too many people that become locked in the tight grip of consumerism. Many factors are to blame, including advertisements and promotions ...

Ah, there's nothing like the start of a new year, right? It's an opportunity to start anew. A clean slate. A chance to strive for greatness yet again. Research suggests that, generally speaking, people don't come around to meeting -- and, in some cases, even working toward -- their New Year's resolutions. Why is it that we place such a great emphasis on pressing the reset button on January 1 and becoming a better version of ourselves when, in most cases, we fall short? I surmise that we do it for the following reason: Life is nothing short of unpredictable, and we truly don't know what may lie ahead in the coming year. Thus, making New Year's resolutions give us the sense that we're at least partly in control of our lives. We first look at our shortcomings and the toughest challenges we faced in the outgoing year and convince ourselves that, with a little time and effort, we can triumph over even the longest odds. For example, let's say you l...