How To Understand People

Though some people may be struggling to pay pills amid a recession sparked by a global pandemic, it doesn't mean those in a stronger financial position (or not) won't be running up their credit cards and breaking their piggy banks -- whether online or at the mall. And, ironically, it's all in the name of scoring holiday deals.  Here's what many shoppers fail to realize: Sales are just ploys to get us to buy stuff we may not necessarily want or need.  We go into a store intending to buy or two things and end up coming out with well over five.  We set a maximum holiday budget, but end up blowing right through it as we aim to take advantage of as many "bargains" as we possibly can. Now, that's not to say we shouldn't seize a good deal for stuff that we use regularly. But if you know it's an item you'll stuff in a drawer or closet -- one you might not even remember you have in six months' time -- you should pass on it. Here are four valuable ho...

Your toxic boss treats you with visible disdain, but you can't quite put your finger on why given you're a hard-working, dedicated employee. The end to the honeymoon phase of your relationship has ushered in a transformed boyfriend of yours who suddenly seems to take you for granted. Dissatisfied with his own life, your friend tries to project onto you the misery he's experiencing, constantly lashing out and accusing you of wrongdoing. For far too many of us, a common thread runs through each of these scenarios: Not knowing what to do and afraid of losing our job or jeoparding the relationship, we just bite the bullet and press on.  But we can't live in constant fear. We cannot allow other people to run over us like an 18-wheeler does a plastic bottle.  You can stand up for yourself in a civil, if firm, manner, sans name-calling and expletives. Even if you sense some hostility building up on the other end, do not gift them the satisfaction of seeing you brought to their...

'Tis the season to be jolly... except if it is 2020, of course. Thanks to the global pandemic, we have all had to navigate through an unprecedented year.  Layoffs/reduced hours at work, business closures, getting used to wearing masks, keeping our distance even from loved ones, lockdowns, curfews, schools going virtual, a bitter presidential campaign, and the list goes on. But many introverts would admit they have at least one thing to celebrate: Finally having a valid excuse not to attend large holiday gatherings. The Christmas party at the office. The noisy family get-together consisting mostly of distant relatives you see only once a year. It isn't so much that introverts hate holiday events; it's that they find the shindigs to drag on a bit too long -- not to mention they walk away feeling energy depleted. You see, heavy social interaction wears an introvert out. If they can't make for the exits early, they stake out the nearest quiet spot where they can refuel -- b...

Surely, everyone wants this terrible virus to be eradicated. News of vaccines being deemed safe and deployed to hospitals offered a ray of hope that soon enough the staggering death toll and number of cases will begin to drop. And only by putting an end to the public health crisis can we get the economy rolling again. But that doesn't necessarily mean everybody is on board with returning back to the way things used to be. Among those who appreciate the opportunity to work from home and not have to interact face-to-face with co-workers and the general public are: Introverts who are susceptible to being worn down by heavy social interaction Those, introverts or not, who prefer written to verbal communication  People who don't miss getting stuck in rush hour traffic driving to and from work The ones who value the extra time to be able to perform household chores and make home improvements  People seizing the opportunity to spend more time with their kids Individuals who are takin...

Everyone strives to be liked by all whom they come across -- co-workers, friends, acquaintances.  But what good is gaining someone's favor if it means changing who you are? Let's face it: There will always be something about you that someone is going to be displeased about, whether it's your gift for gab or penchant for quietness, your insistence on not drinking or your passion for the environment. Indeed, certain interests or personality traits may put you at odds with some people because they may not be, dare I say, mainstream? For example, almost all my sports-loving friends are football fanatics. I've never been big on pigskin, but I have been drawn to baseball from an early age.  I happen to think baseball is exciting, but most of my friends would beg to differ, always questioning how I can get into such a "dull" game. You may have found yourself in a similar situation when it comes to your political views, religious beliefs, or quiet demeanor. What I...

Are you unhappily single? Does love seem to evade you like the pesky mouse that manages to squeak by the frustrated cat? Take heart. Many out there are in your shoes. But just because you've been unsuccessful in relationships previously doesn't mean that trend has to continue.  In order to secure real, lasting love, you must land somewhere between these polar-opposite approaches: 1. The rush to find someone and the willingness to patiently wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to waltz into your life.  Hooking up with someone without first getting to know them is foolhardy, especially if you're fortunate enough to be aware of traits or a certain track record you view as disqualifying (e.g., he was known to beat up his ex-wife or, unlike you, is an unapologetic atheist). Instead of rushing into a relationship just so you can declare you're no longer single, give it some time. Just because there's low-hanging fruit doesn't mean you have to snag it. However, some people take ...

How often have you acted against your own instincts just to secure someone's approval? How frequently do you allow others' idea of happiness become your own? You're not in the minority if you concede you've done the above more times than you could count.  Indeed, we tend to assign a disproportionate amount of weight to other people's opinions and judgments, leaving us sulking when we feel we've failed to meet their expectations. But it's important to remind ourselves whose validation ultimately matters. That's right, our own. It's not to say that your sister's opinion, neighbor's suggestion, or co-workers feedback should be discounted entirely. Other people's input can certainly give a us a feel for how others approach a given situation given their unique life experiences.  But if we're not careful, we may become so dependent on their two cents that they're the ones who will be in the driver's seat of our lives. You wouldn...

More likely than not, there is at least one toxic individual in your life whom you're forced to deal with in order to sustain a job or relationship.  Maybe it's your overbearing boss, meddling father-in-law, or a friend's implacable spouse. As I've noted in earlier posts, you're always at liberty to terminate said job or relationship if you find it becomes intolerable, threatening your health and well-being.  Before taking such a drastic step, though, there's always the option to sit down with the person (and maybe you want a co-worker, your partner, or friend there as a buffer) to try to ameliorate the situation.  But let's assume for the sake of argument that you want to do your best to play nice and not rock the boat too much.  Perhaps you've only just begun that job, or you recognize employers in your industry just aren't hiring at the moment. Or you may care so deeply about your partner or friend that you're willing to put up with that pest ...

If you're like me, you've noticed many of your Facebook friends (or acquaintances, or people you've known since kindergarten but seldom talk to, or those who might be friends of friends of friends) fleeing the platform like it's no one's business.  But why the exodus?  It's quite simple: People have grown tired of the same old same old.  Many would concede there are benefits to logging on every so often -- from catching timely news to distracting oneself with trending memes or videos of the week. But being barraged with baby pictures and vacation photos for days on end becomes a little tough to stomach after a while.  Granted, some people mean no harm in sharing these special moments with others. It's their way of conveying to the world that they're making the most of their lives and are grateful for the things and people that enrich them. We should try our best to be happy for them, even if we may harbor a smidgen of concealed envy.  However, people und...

If I asked you which would be easier to tolerate -- hunger or loneliness -- what would you say? Hopefully, none of you have ever suffered through a prolonged lack of food or social intimacy -- both terrible circumstances far too many people are grappling with in this pandemic.  But on the question of which is more corrosive to our mental health, studies suggest they're two sides of the same coin: People who are forced to be isolated crave social interactions similarly to the manner a famished individual longs for food.  After one day of total isolation, the sight of people having fun together activates the same brain region that lights up when someone who hasn't eaten all day sees a picture of a bowl of scrumptious spaghetti. This bolsters the argument that positive social interactions aren't simply good-to-haves, but a basic human need. And acute loneliness, for its part, is an adverse state that drives people to repair what is lacking, much like hunger.  In both cases, ...