How To Understand People

I feel many people have a misguided sense of what a partner's role should be.  They assume a partner is there to fix their every problem, to complete them.  But this is erroneous thinking and could very well lead the relationship down a dangerous path.  Relationships can promote personal growth and help individuals fulfill their own goals. For example, your partner can help you become a better person by teaching you how to play the guitar; taking you to the local museum to explore immersive exhibits; and opening your eyes to new perspectives, like benefits of eating more veggies and less red meat.  The idea that a relationship can help an individual become a better person is a phenomenon termed self-expansion. Indeed, relationships that provide more expansion are tend to be of higher quality. But this needn't be mistaken with relying on a partner to allay your every concern, resolve your every dilemma, and continually boost your self-esteem.  We need to take res...

Here's a big relationship no-no: Never hook up with Someone who only values your looks, bank account, or both.  I know what you're thinking: With some people, this isn't easy to tell in the beginning being that they can do a great job of masking their real intentions.  For example, you may have once dated someone whose penchant for gold-digging may not have become evident until two years after you began dating. Or, you may not have picked up on your boyfriend's aim to use you for only one thing until after the honeymoon phase passed. Fair enough.  Some individuals can be awfully deceptive. But as soon as they show their true colors, I implore you not to wait until they change (which is unlikely to happen) -- let alone embark to change them yourself. Just end it -- plain and simple -- before you become any more invested.  A partner worth keeping is one who covets what lies beneath more than they do the superficial. And that's because what lies deep within is what mak...

There is no doubt that we are living in an increasingly digital world, and the pandemic has only accelerated this trend.  Sometimes I muse about whether kids in the future will even feel the need to shop at stores, dine at restaurants, attend college, or watch movies in person. For starters, we can do most of our shopping on Amazon.  And why spend time waiting for a table at a restaurant when you can have the meal delivered in less than 30 minutes via Uber Eats or DoorDash?  Then there's movies. No need to trek to the theater when you can save a few bucks by waiting a month or two for the movie to be made available on Amazon Prime or Netflix.  College students needn't leave their homes in order to get a college education as many institutions of higher learning now offer fully online degrees.  And a growing number of employers are now allowing their employees to work from home -- a trend that isn't necessarily going away post-pandemic.  Chances are there's a...

Experiencing something -- the savory taste of a pepperoni pizza, the sound of gentle waves lapping sugary white sand -- can be an utter delight to the senses.  But according to studies, the experience actually pales in comparison to the anticipation of that experience.  Here are just a few examples: 1. Planning and looking forward to a vacation vs. actually being there. 2. Planning to buy clothes, a car, or other items compared to consuming them.  3. Picturing yourself eating a hearty meal (especially on an empty stomach and/or while watching a restaurant ad) vs actually eating it.  Dopamine, commonly considered the happiness or "feel good" chemical, is more involved in the anticipation of an event or feeling than in the actual feeling of happiness. Often, the experience falls short of what we imagined, whether because it rains on the trip, the food leaves us with gas, or we get buyers' remorse for something we later discover we could have bought elsewhere for much c...

We can all attest to being in some pretty lousy relationships.  While it's normal to fall out with someone and go your separate ways (hopefully in an amicable fashion), some relationships border on abuse, dishonesty, and neglect. Sometimes both individuals are to blame. But oftentimes, only one person is on the receiving end, and they've done absolutely nothing to deserve it.  People sabotage our trust in and love for them by doing these 3 things: 1. Abusing us . When someone mentions abuse, it usually conjures images of bloody lips and bruised arms. But one needn't raise a hand against a friend, partner, or relative for their actions to constitute abusive behavior. Words, in fact, can cut deeper than a knife.  Remember that trite saying we learned as kids? That sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you? Yeah, that was pure bunk. Insults can leave lasting scars, no matter how hard we may look to deny it. One reason so many people sink into a de...

Did you know that simply sleeping and waking one hour earlier can cut the risk of depression? An earlier four-year study of 32,000 nurses who called themselves "early risers" had found that they were 27 percent less likely to develop depression symptoms. But newer research has homed in on how exactly shifting someone's sleep schedule can potentially affect them. Researchers collected data on over 800,000 people, including which hours of the day they were predisposed to prefer (also known as their chronotype). They determined that going to bed merely an hour earlier is associated with significantly lower risk of depression. So if someone who usually hits the sack at 11 p.m. instead goes to bed at midnight and sleeps for the same duration, they could lower their risk by 23 percent. The effect could potentially be almost twice that if shifted by two hours. The researchers aren't quite sure why they are getting these results, but it could have something to do with light a...

Do you consider your partner your best friend? If so, your relationship may be better equipped to last than couples who don't have those very sentiments. Studies show that those who consider their partner their best friend tend to be far more satisfied in their relationship than those who don't.  This finding is consistent with research showing that relationships characterized by more companionate love – those high in affection, friendship, security, comfort, and mutual interests – last longer and are more satisfying. In fact, companionate love is more closely linked with relationship satisfaction than is passionate love, which entails intense feelings of attraction and preoccupation with one’s partner. Other research shows that those in friendship-centric love relationships feel they have a highly likable partner, and that shared companionship is an integral part of the love.  A study of over 600 married individuals revealed that those with hig...

If there's anything this pandemic has taught us, it's that going forward the perk most requested by job applicants may not be a robust salary and benefits package (which remains crucial, of course), but the flexibility to telecommute. Gone are the days where employees were perfectly content sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic to make it to a pointless 9 a.m. meeting that could have just as easily been handled via Microsoft Teams or Zoom.  If there's anyone who can attest to the misery of an agonizingly long commute, it's yours truly.  I work a mere 8.2 miles away from home, but my morning and evening commute during the school year runs anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour! (And if there's an accident, I flirt with an hour and a half.) Blame it on antiquated infrastructure and a city population bursting at the seams.  You can imagine what a wonderful respite working from home has been for people like myself who have to contend with clogged streets and jam-packed highw...