How To Understand People

Many people absolutely loathe those dark, rainy days that, in their view, hold them hostage at home. They gripe that this prevents them from going to the mall, meeting up with friends for lunch at the cafe, hitting the gym, or crossing other things off their To Do Lists that necessitate venturing out. I see it quite differently, perhaps in part because I'm a writer. Inclement weather should be an excuse to stay home, all curled up with a good book and cup of coffee. If you're not a bibliophile, you can always catch a good flick while munching on popcorn. Or how about writing, painting, or napping to the sound of rain streaming down your window? Or, you can use the time to clean, do laundry, organize your drawers/closets, or take care of those other chores you continue to put off. As a proud, self-admitted introvert, I jump at any opportunity to stay holed up reading and writing in my home office, or watching knee-slapping shows with my wife in our cozy living ro...

Are you constantly worrying over where your partner is at 10 p.m. at night? Does he or she continue to grapple with drug or alcohol problems despite the fact they've pledged time and time again to quit and seek treatment? Have they done something to suggest they're not capable of being trusted, like cheating on or stealing from you? Do they constantly pick fights for no apparent reason? If this sounds like your relationship -- one with the flair for the dramatic -- then something isn't right. A romantic relationship shouldn't keep you on edge all of the time. You should not have to fear your partner's next move given their penchant for chaos and unpredictability. Now, no one's perfect, of course. We all make mistakes. We all let the other person down from time to time. But it certainly should not be an everyday occurrence. In fact, a partner is the one we often go to for comfort; they, of all people, bring a sense of stability to our lives (at...

At the end of the day, what people think of you is none of your business. Why? Because your happiness doesn't depend on other people. It resides within you! So why should the joy and satisfaction you get from life be contingent upon their opinion of you, which may be faulty to begin with? No matter how hard you may try to please others, you will always fall short in someone's eyes. How others see us is not necessarily who we are. They merely base their opinions on how they perceive us. And, remember, human beings are conditioned to accept perception as reality when they don't have all the facts. It's akin to judging a book by its cover. Never allow the noise of others' opinions drown out your inner voice.  The deeper we get sucked into others' opinions -- and the harder we seek their validation in order to feel whole -- the easier it is to lose ourselves. Obviously, we all want to do our part to cultivate a favorable image of ourselves. No one ...

Instead of striving to be superior to other people, we should aim to be superior to our previous selves. It can be easy to assume, judging from the content people post on social media, that they lead perfect lives. As we sift through photos of Facebook friends sunbathing in the Caribbean, sharing cheesecake at a 5-star restaurant with a partner, or driving away in a souped up Mercedes Benz, we may find ourselves green with envy. But comparing ourselves to others -- whether our coworkers, our neighbors, or are friends -- is an exercise in futility. Really, people are not some monolithic group. We have different tastes and interests, goals and fears, struggles and challenges. While it's good to look up to others and admire what they've accomplished, there's no sense in wishing for the lives they have. After all, they may be doing a good job at masking the fact that their lives leave a lot to be desired. They may very well be having health, money, or marital problems...

The dating world has left many men utterly disillusioned. Despite the fact that they seem to be doing everything right -- they have a good job, drive a nice car, and look their very best -- they continue to strike out with woman after woman. They perceive landing dates as being much more arduous for them than it is for the women they're after, who seem to reject potential suitors at will.  But is dating really an uphill climb for all men and a breezy walk in the park for all the ladies? I feel this view is a tad simplistic. If approaching this subject in the context of traditional gender roles -- where the man is the pursuer and is thereby forced to risk rejection -- it may seem like women are always in the driver's seat. After all, women get far more hits on dating apps/sites like Tinder, right? But this presupposes that women enjoy all the attention they're getting, and that just isn't the case. For one, women don't find all the men reach...

A telltale sign someone isn't satisfied in their relationship is when they muse whether there's someone better out there for them. Perhaps they've been with the same person for many years and have seriously questioned whether they've missed out. One thing people have to realize is that, as with everything else in life, decisions involve tradeoffs. The moment you decide to enter into a monogamous relationship with someone, you each forego sleeping with and dating other people. If someone isn't ready to make that serious of a commitment, they should clearly articulate to others that they're not interested in anything serious. However, in some cases, people are happy to be in a serious relationship and genuinely care about their partner. But the fact that things have fallen into something of a rut -- maybe they've become complacent, maybe the intimacy has ground to a halt -- has led them to wonder whether things could be more exciting with someone else. Unless ...

If someone apologizes but continues to make the same "mistake," that so-called mistake is really a conscious decision. From cheating to raising one's hand at their partner to bilking people out of their money, if a person claims they're sorry but there's little to no change in their behavior, they're being disingenuous. This is especially the case if they've made no efforts to curb said behavior (e.g., seeking counseling). If a person genuinely cared, they would never risk losing you by flat-out lying about their intentions. If anything, we'd respect them more for being honest about their inability to remain loyal or sober, and that might make us more inclined to help. For example, it might give way to a discussion on what they feel is lacking in the relationship. Or, they may shed light on whatever they feel is preventing them from laying off the booze. But it's wholly dishonest to make promises when you can't keep them. Thes...

I've learned that if there's anyone you should be wary of, it's a person who tries very hard to be everyone's friend -- the kind who wants to be liked by everyone and his mother. If they're that intent on gaining everyone's approval, it probably means that they are not genuine people. They will do and say just about anything just to curry others' favor. Then, when being nice to you no longer benefits them in any way, they may fall off the grid. You may never see or hear from them ever again. In other words, they're as fake as they come! Chances are you've come across someone like this at work, in the gym, or someplace else. Surely, there's nothing wrong with being polite to others. But when people overwhelm you with flattery and nice gestures, it begs the question: Why are they being so nice, especially if you've done nothing to deserve it? Perhaps they're trying to overcompensate for their low self-esteem, or they're...

Human beings have a tendency to stick it out with costly decisions, and it can be attributed directly to the sunk cost fallacy. According to this psychological concept, the more we invest -- whether it be money, time, or emotions -- the less likely we are to abandon our initial choices. There are many examples of the sunk cost fallacy in action. For example, if you've invested $10,000 in a women's studies degree even though you recognize your job prospects following graduation are looking a tad bleak, you're likely to press on. Or, perhaps you've been waiting in the same line at the grocery store for nearly 10 minutes while others around you speed by. You've waited this long, so you refuse to budge. Or maybe you insist on getting through the final two chapters of the mediocre book you're reading, or wrapping up the last season of the show you've been watching for several years. After we commit, we tend to bind ourselves to our own decisions, an...