How To Understand People

If there's something about me that has never once changed over the years, it's this: I despise being thwarted for something I want from someone, and then seeing the person come around when they feel like -- acting as if nothing happened. It's a classic case of having their cake and eating it too. I've gone through this on several occasions with different friends. They may disappear for weeks, never bothering to answer or return my calls. Then, out of the blue, they decide to awaken from their slumber and reestablish contact, and I'm supposed to act like all is swell. I don't think so! And their excuses have bordered on the ludicrous, saying that they've been stressed or that they keep forgetting to respond. It's ironic how once I see them showing interest again (e.g., calling and texting), it is then I go into "payback" mode and call them at my convenience, not necessarily when they attempt to reach out to me. And here's an exam...

I know a couple of people who have cancelled their Facebook accounts within the past three months.  Could this be the start of a mass exodus? Could people really be leaving Facebook in droves? I sincerely doubt it, as Facebook has close to 2 billion users worldwide. Still, one has to wonder whether many people are beginning to grow tired of the routine. Over the years, Facebook has become a breeding ground for narcissists and attention hounds. I have a couple of Facebook friends who check in at and post pictures (in real time) of nearly every venue they visit while on vacation. This includes everything from restaurants to before-I-go-to bed selfies at the hotel. It's really gotten out of control. Can't people leave anything to the imagination anymore? Can't they put the phone down and just enjoy their vacations? Why not leave the posting of pictures for later, once they're back in town? I'm not saying Facebook is all bad. It's a great medium on whi...

According to a new study in the Journal of Consumer Research , even subtle reminders of idealized bodies can encourage overweight consumers to overspend. Studies show that exposure to body cues (i.e., shapes) can have unintended consequences on seemingly unrelated behavior, such as spending. Seeing a thin -- as opposed to wide -- human-like shape prompts high-body-mass-index consumers to make more indulgent spending decisions. The authors found that mere reminders of the thin-body ideal can cause overweight consumers to feel worse about their own abilities, including management of their spending impulses. In one study where consumers were shown an object with a thin, human-like shape (e.g., something that resembles a Coca-Coca bottle), high-BMI consumers were more likely to buy a higher-priced, Fiji-brand bottle of water than a lower-priced, generic-brand bottle. Another study on shopping found that high-BMI consumers were more willing to take on credit card debt after seeing a...

"Men give me credit for some genius. All the genius I have is this. When I have a subject in mind, I study it profoundly. Day and night it is before me. My mind becomes pervaded with it... the effort which I have made is what people are pleased to call the fruit of genius. It is the fruit of labor and thought."  Can you guess the source of this quote? These words come from Alexander Hamilton (1757-1804), the first treasury secretary of the U.S. under George Washington and the architect of the nation's financial system. Hamilton, who sang the praises of a strong central government, was a brilliant theorist and prodigious writer. He, along with James Madison and John Jay, wrote The Federalist Papers, which pushed for ratification of the U.S. Constitution. He championed the establishment of the First Bank of the United States and led the Federalist Party, the first political party to rise to power in the United States. It's no surprise that Hamilton's story b...

On this day in 1765, Parliament passed the Quartering Act, which detailed conditions and locations in which British soldiers were to garner room and board in the American colonies. The Quartering Act of 1765 required the colonies to house British soldiers in barracks provided by the colonies. If the barracks were too small to house all the soldiers, then localities were to accommodate the soldiers in livery stables, ale houses, local inns, victualing houses, and the homes of sellers of wine. Should there still be soldiers without accommodation after all such public houses were filled, the colonies were then required to utilize uninhabited houses, outhouses, barns, or other buildings for said purpose. As the language of the act specifies, the popular image of Redcoats tossing colonists from their bedchambers in order to move in themselves was not the intent of the law; neither was it the practice. However, the New York colonial assembly disliked being exhorted to provide quarter f...

Going back to my youth, there's one thing about me that has never once wavered: my affinity for deep relationships.  Perhaps this explains why (1) I've kept a small circle of close friends my whole life, and (2) I've always sought serious commitments with girls, as opposed to men who sleep around for a few years before settling down. It goes to show you that for me, it's always been about quality, not quantity. I think having fewer people around minimizes the drama in one's life. The more people you know, the more social pressure you get to conform to others' views and agree with their opinions. I make no effort to maintain superficial relationships in my life. Those people won't be there when I need them, so why even have them as a "friend" on Facebook?  Life isn't a popularity contest. Our high school days are long gone. I have never had any patience for games. I know that makes me come across as a stiff, but I've alw...

Men are usually the ones who get a bad rap for doing this, but it turns out that women hide their emotions as well. Why would people do this? For one, they may want to avoid having an argument. Or, they could very well be hoping that whatever situation is triggering those emotions could be resolved before they have to come out and express their feelings. But such a strategy is misguided. Keeping those feelings bottled up might only lead to hurt feelings and resentment later on. Whether you're feeling sad or angry, opening up to your partner will only make you feel better. One of the reasons we enter into a relationship in the first place is to have someone we can confide in -- someone who will hear us out and provide support when we need it most. By keeping your feelings to yourself, you prevent your partner from connecting with you on an emotional level and, even worse, may engender suspicion in your significant other that something more serious is afoot (cheating, e...

In my last post, I argued that men's biggest complaint about women is that they generally don't know what they want in the arena of relationships. Some claim to want a nice, sweet guy, but they still end up with the exact opposite. What they say they want and what they actually go for don't always square. Does this mean that all women have a preference for bad boys? Nope, not at all. What all women do want, as I pointed out in that earlier post, is a man with confidence. Because these bad boy types exude self-confidence (sometimes women mistake cockiness for confidence, however), women find themselves drawn to them. A guy can still be nice and romantic as long as he does it in small doses. No woman wants a man to worship the ground she walks on, as it communicates that the guy is needy and trying to supplicate to her. That just isn't the way to build attraction. A guy who doesn't seem sure of himself and always looks to his partner for approval is not do...

The word of the day is laconic . To be laconic is to use very few words. Synonyms for laconic include terse, pithy, brief, concise, and succinct. I'm the perfect example of someone who's laconic. I don't like talking unless I have something meaningful to say and I've thought through my words carefully. That's why, when I actually have something to say, people shut up and listen.  I only wish that people who tend to blab others' ear off realized that they can be laconic and drive their point home without providing so much detail. Sometimes we don't need to hear the whole backstory, you know? Small talk, chitchat, blabber, babble -- it's all anathema to me. The only form of communication through which I'm known to employ many words? In writing, of course, as you can probably tell from this blog! Had you ever heard or used the word laconic before reading this post?

The biggest complaint men seem to have about women is that, when it comes to relationships, " they don't know what the heck they want .'' Many of these hapless guys say they do everything to gain women's favor -- buy them flowers and candy, send them romantic texts, call them every so often to see how they're doing -- but it still lands them in the friend zone. Still others say they can't understand why women go for the jerks they claim to loathe. It is true that what many women say they want -- and what they actually go for -- aren't always in alignment. Here's what I've observed: Most women don't go looking for jerks who will mistreat them. No one wishes to be treated like dirt -- unless, of course, they harbor low self-esteem and feel they deserve that. But that is the exception rather than the rule. No, what most women want is confidence . Though they may not say it directly, women really do want the man to be in charge, whet...

Don't ever regret a relationship that has ended but at one point made you smile. Whether it's your boyfriend of three years with whom you didn't see a future or an old friend who stopped putting effort into seeing you, they made you feel happy along the way, so you shouldn't lament having them in your life. What's more, you likely learned a thing or two from that individual. Maybe it was how to swim, how to cook, or the best way to approach your boss about asking for a raise. Relationships sometimes end miserably, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to see or hear from the person again. Still, you shouldn't regret the existence of that relationship, for it helped mold you into who you are today. Perhaps it made you realize the kinds of friends or partner you really yearn for in your life. Sometimes we go through a bad experience with one person, learn from our mistakes, and have a much better experience the next time around. That's pre...

Today's quote comes from Abigail Adams (1744-1818), the second First Lady of the United States and wife of the second U.S. President, John Adams: "Learning is not attained by chance, it must be sought for with ardor and diligence." I agree wholeheartedly with Abigail. What she is saying is that people must take an active interest in learning. Books do not merely fall from the sky and into your lap -- you need to seek them out, whether at home or in the library. The same applies in the digital world, where you can find helpful videos on YouTube, informative articles on Wikipedia, and so forth. Unfortunately, far too many people believe learning stops the day you graduate from college. This couldn't be further from the truth. Just because you don't have to take exams or write papers anymore doesn't mean you can't learn how to play an instrument, read and write in a different language, or start your own business. Nothing enriches the mind like knowl...

Declining foot traffic and slumping profit margins are forcing several brick-and-mortar retailers to shift into survival mode. Consumers are doing more of their shopping online, lured by the convenience and great deals offered by Amazon and other competitors. As a result, the stores are tweaking their strategies, hoping to rake in big sales in the process. For one, Wal-Mart has been forking over cash to increase sales online, buying discounter Jet.com and building out its distribution system. It's also invested in remodeling hundreds of stores, reducing inventories, and pushing down prices. Target will forego $1 billion in profits by lowering prices and pushing digital sales with lower margins. It will also spend billions to renovate roughly 600 stores and open 100 smaller ones over the next few years. As part of its ongoing effort to get smaller to combat losses, Sears will be closing another 100 Sears and Kmart stores in 2017. Having already sold off its Craftsman tools b...

Those who try too hard to be liked by everyone demonstrate two things: (1) they're insecure (2) they need others' approval/validation to feel better about themselves . They're the ones who cunningly adapt their personality to get in the other person's good graces. Consequently, they come off as being less genuine, willing to do almost anything to bolster their appeal. For example, they might say they share your passion for baseball or gardening when, in reality, they wouldn't be caught dead watching a game or fiddling with soil. I like to call these people fakes, charlatans, posers. There's a fine line between being gregarious and trotting out a deceptive persona. I urge people to be true to themselves -- to let the real them shine through. No one says that everyone has to like you. No one says you need the approval of all those around you. The day you relinquish the need for others' validation is the day you'll feel much happier in and about ...

On this day in 1861, delegates from South Carolina, Mississippi, Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, and Texas met in Montgomery, Alabama to adopt the Permanent Constitution of the Confederate States of America. The constitution closely resembled the Constitution of the United States, even repeating much of its language. However, it was actually more similar to the Articles of Confederation -- the initial constitution of the nation following the Revolutionary War -- in its delegation of extensive powers to the states. The constitution also differed from the U.S. Constitution in its protection of slavery, which was “recognized and protected” in slave states and territories. However, in adherence to U.S. policy since the start of the 19th century, the foreign slave trade was prohibited. The constitution provided for six-year terms for the president and vice president, and the president was not eligible for successive terms. Although a presidential item veto was granted, the power...

No matter how forcefully society may try to push forward the notion that solitude is something to be avoided, I relish it more and more each day. With all the noise we deal with on a daily basis -- chatty coworkers in the office, rambunctious kids at home, intrusive advertisements on TV -- we NEED to carve out some time for ourselves, even if it's a mere hour per week. Whether we want to gather our thoughts or clear our heads, it's very difficult to do so with people interrupting us. Sometimes we have no choice but to do it outside the home at a quiet locale like the local park or library. The fact you enjoy solitude doesn't make you weird, antisocial, or -- the most irritating of them all -- lonely. Maybe you're an introvert who draws energy inward and needs to spend time alone in order to recharge. Maybe you dream up your best creative ideas when no one else is around. That doesn't make you awkward -- it makes you human! Being lonely and being alone ar...

Once you've been in a relationship for a while, there's a good chance things will start to become routine. You'll spend an inordinate amount of time together, leading to complacency in the relationship. Unfortunately, couples who are attached at the hip risk growing bored of one another. It happens more often than you think. So what can do to avoid this fate? Before you got into your relationship, you had a life of your own right? Well, that doesn't have to change once you become involved with someone. The two of you have separate hobbies -- from sports to mall hopping -- that you can enjoy alone or with friends. Have a boys' or girls' night, with only your close buddies in attendance. Your partner does not have to accompany you everywhere you go. Leave a little mystery. You shouldn't be able to predict each other's every move. Spending hours apart here and there affords both of you the opportunity to miss each other. It builds anticipati...

McDonald's is rethinking its strategy after losing 500 million U.S. orders over the past five years. The fast-food chain had aimed to widen its customer base by chasing after health-conscious consumers who rarely eat there. But a customer survey conducted last year revealed it was losing customers to other fast-food chains, not to fast-casual restaurants serving healthier food. That's why it has decided to embrace its fast-food identity and focus on its core products. Critics have longed urged McDonald's to focus on its core customers, but McDonald's had added more salads, snack wraps, and oatmeal to its menu in hopes of drawing health-minded customers. Recently, the chain pulled many of those slow-selling products. Interestingly, Burger King similarly attempted to appeal to a broader, more health-conscious customer base in recent years, but it didn't work for them either. McDonald's will now focus on improving the quality of its food to keep existing ...

I may not know you personally, but I do know for a fact that you're a wonderful person. How do I know this, you ask? Because you have something great to offer the world, whether it's your radiant smile, an impressive talent, or your generous nature. While we each have our flaws, it's our strengths -- our positive attributes -- that shape our legacy. You make people in your life happy, whether it's your friends, spouse, or children. People look up to you. People see you as brightening their day. There's no one else in the world exactly like you. You ought to take pride in your uniqueness, not feel compelled to change just to appease someone else. You are capable of achieving amazing things. Never doubt yourself. Never feel as though you're beneath anyone else. You deserve happiness and success as much as the next person. But success doesn't simply come knocking at your door. You have to work hard in order to enjoy the fruits of achievement. Me...

A relationship doesn't stand a chance of surviving without compromise. If partners aren't willing to find common ground and meet somewhere in the middle, the road ahead will surely be a bumpy one. As I noted in a recent post, selfishness has no place in a relationship. Once you become seriously involved with someone, the carefree days of doing whatever you want, whenever you want, are over. That's why you should never enter into a relationship unless you're willing to part with some of the freedoms you enjoyed when you were single. Being in a relationship means not always getting what you want. It means that you won't always get your way. It means the feelings and views of your partner need to be taken into account before certain decisions are made. Once you're in a relationship, it's no longer about "I," but "us." You and your partner are a team, and the two of you have to make choices that may not benefit you or him/her in the...

It isn't your partner in life. It isn't your best friend. It's you. If you don't love yourself, how do you expect to love others? If you don't believe in yourself, how can you believe in those around you? It all starts with you . Happiness resides on the inside. Material items and other people may make you happier in the beginning, but if deep down you aren't happy with yourself, that feeling is ephemeral. You should never rely on a partner or friend to complete you. A significant other, friend or relative only enhances your life, not completes it. It's unfair to put that kind of burden on another human being. And let's face it: People aren't always dependable. When least expected, they may cheat on, lie to, or backstab you. Or, they may not be around one day when you really need them. What then? You should never rely upon external factors like people and material stuff to make you feel happy or complete. The things that give us the m...

While we can say that our closest friends are usually reliable, we should refrain from depending on them all the time. Unfortunately, even they can let us down every once in a while. I'm sure you have at least one who comes to you in times of need, but seemingly vanishes when he or she no longer needs you. Then, when you try arranging outings with the person or need a favor, they're always busy. It really grates on me when friends act this way. Truthfully, those you call true friends should not be so flaky. A friendship is a two-way street. When only one person shows interest, it makes the other person feels as though they're being taken for granted. I don't care how busy you are. When you value someone else's company, you find a way to make time for them, even if it's a quick lunch or jog around a nearby park. Some people are all about give and take. Little do they realize that in order for a friendship to remain strong, there has to be reciprocat...

On this day in 1776, a key event marked the opening phase of the Revolutionary War took place: General George Washington ordered American artillery forces to bombard Boston from their positions at Lechmere Point ahead of the Continental Army's occupation of Dorchester Heights. The so-called Siege of Boston began after the Battles of Lexington and Concord. Following two consecutive days of bombardment, American Brigadier General John Thomas positioned 2,000 cannons, artillery, and troops just south of Boston at Dorchester Heights. By March 5, 1776, the Continental Army's had artillery troops in position around Boston, including the elevated position at Dorchester Heights. British General William Howe came to the realization that Boston was indefensible to the American positions and opted to leave the city on March 7. Ten days later, on March 17, the eight-year British occupation of Boston finally ended when British troops fled the city and sailed to Halifax, Nova Scotia. ...

Here's to a happy, healthy, and productive March for us all! If February was a good month for you, I hope this month will be nothing short of great! If you're dealing with any problems that carried over into March, you now have a fresh 31 days to resolve them. It will get better! If you're working to achieve a goal but haven't quite crossed the finish line, don't despair. A new month presents a wonderful opportunity to work a bit harder toward achieving it. You'll get there, little by little. Don't ruminate on what did or did not happen in February, for that month is now behind us. Focus on what lies ahead. As long as you're positive, the forecast won't call for showers and thunderstorms. Instead, there will be plenty of sunny days in store. As I've put forward in prior entries, the mind exerts a powerful influence over our mood and attitude. If you go into the month assuming the worst, you'll get the worst. It's that simp...