How To Understand People

Yesterday, my wife and I visited a local science museum that is featuring an exhibit on the brain that I very much wanted to check out. While the exhibit was phenomenal, I came away with a bitter taste in my mouth after visiting the museum's gift shop. When we finally made it to the front of the line to pay for our items, the cashier informed us that they'd run out of plastic bags, but that we had the option to purchase one of their tote bags for $3. Interestingly enough, this happened to be the third time in as many months where a merchant I'm buying from has tried to coax me into purchasing one of their tote bags. As someone who earned degrees in psychology and marketing, I can tell you that this is likely a clever sales ploy retailers are trying to pull just to earn more money. Think about it: If on a given day, say, 300 people opt to buy a $3 bag, that's $900 bucks the store would not have if they used regular plastic bags! And most people -- especiall...

People often ask me what they should do if they feel someone in their life -- whether their partner, close friend, or relative -- has been taking them for granted. They expect me to advise them to confront or yell at the individual. But I recommend they take a markedly different course of action -- one that leaves them visibly shocked. I advise them to thank the person, and move on. You may be asking why in the world you would thank them for anything. After all, all they've done is take advantage of the person. Well, you would thank them for one very simple reason. They've demonstrated through their actions that they're simply not worth your time, and you're simply saying thanks for helping you arrive at that conclusion. You're saying thanks for helping you realize that you deserve better -- and never again will you allow anyone to exploit your generous nature. You're saying thanks because, going forward, you're going to strive to be more judic...

Let's face it: Some people would rather argue or cut contact with you than actually make an attempt to clear the air. They'd prefer to hold grudges than work to resolve conflict. Perhaps they were in the wrong and refuse to say sorry. Or, you were at fault and have already apologized, but they persist in giving you the cold shoulder. Most likely, the individual is either (1) immature (2) resentful of something you have that he or she doesn't and wants to spread the misery (3) upset over other personal issues and taking it out on you. At any rate, a person who is that intransigent has to have a deep sense of pride. They want to win, and taking any sort of conciliatory posture in their book smacks of backing down, so they refuse to change. But you know something? One of the most admirable qualities one can possess is humility. Those who refuse to meet in the middle will have a hard time keeping friends and romantic partners. Who wants to be around someone so arrog...

Want to know a quick and easy way to feeling happier? Be grateful . It's as simple as that. A week or so ago, I had quite a scare. When I got home from work last Friday evening, I got a bad vibe -- a "something is missing" vibe. To my dismay, while using my cell phone, I noticed that my wedding band was not on my finger!  I hadn't the slightest clue where it could be; I couldn't even remember the last time I'd seen it. It's one of those things where you grow so accustomed to having or seeing something that you automatically assume it's always there. Unfortunately, it wasn't the first time in recent weeks that the ring had slid off my finger. It happened on another occasion where it fell in a drawer I was rummaging through to find a receipt. That should have been a warning to take the ring to get adjusted.) My wife and I frantically searched for the ring -- in our condo, along the walk paths outside, in my car. We even searched my cubicl...

If it were up to most people, they would have it their way all the time. Why? It's simple: By and large, people want things to be as convenient for themselves as possible. They wish to expend as little time and effort on whatever (or whoever) brings them minimal to no gratification. Even some of my closest friends are guilty of this. They want to be the ones to decide the places you meet at, the time of the day you call one another, and the kinds of activities you partake in together. Intractable and inflexible, such people make awfully poor negotiators because they don't know the meaning of meeting in the middle. Unfortunately, these individuals fail to recognize that in order for relationships to thrive, both parties ought to be well-versed in the art of compromise. That's because relationships are about give and take, not just latter. If time and time again you find yourself acceding to someone else's demands yet fail to ever see them do the same, it should m...

Have you noticed how we come to value a moment or experience more fondly in hindsight than we do when we're actually experiencing it? In fact, sometimes we may experience an event we find unpleasant at the moment, only to realize later -- perhaps when comparing it to other situations occurring before or after -- that it wasn't all that bad? This can happen for two reasons: 1. We take the present moment for granted. Perhaps because we're too busy dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, we fail to appreciate and live in the moment. Study after study shows that we're happiest when we're focused on the present. 2. We look back on the past through rose-colored glasses.  Perhaps the experience really wasn't as titillating as our memories of it might lead us to think. That's because, when reminiscing about the past, human beings have a tendency to filter out the bad stuff, leaving only the Kodak moments we tend to capture in pictures. Never...

Did you know that for over 150 years, U.S. presidents had no term limits? Essentially, this means that someone could serve for life, which many people equated with monarchical rule. Beginning with George Washington and lasting through Harry S. Truman, presidents could serve as many terms as they could win. It wasn’t until after Franklin D. Roosevelt won four consecutive presidential elections, leaving office only because of his death, that the government warmed up to the idea of having term limits. Let's travel back in time to the founding era. Back then, the U.S. had no presidential term limits because under the Articles of Confederation, there was no such thing as a president. (There was a president of the Continental Congress in the 1780s, but it was not a chief executive position.) The Articles’ framers in the Second Continental Congress deliberately left out a head-of-state because they fretted over creating another king in the mold of King George III of Great Britai...