SECRET: Why people judge you

Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist Carl Jung (1875-1961) once said, "Thinking is difficult, that's why most people judge."

I think Jung hit this one out of the park.

People, in general, are lazy thinkers. They try to minimize their thinking as much as possible, thus the reason my social psychology professor in college once told my class that human beings are "cognitive misers."

I think this explains in part why people have become so reliant on reality television -- or, more broadly, TV in general -- for entertainment. In this era of Netflix and streaming content, the last thing most people are thinking about is reading Shakespeare for leisure.

Technology, moreover, seems to be exacerbating the problem. The easier things become, the less inclined we are to think critically to arrive at solutions to problems.

And why don't people want to think? Because it's difficult, taxing, strenuous. Most people wish to spend as little brainpower as possible, especially after coming home from work.

Thus, it should come as no surprise that people resort to judging others in the absence of information. When they don't know us well, they fill in any gaps arbitrarily.

For example, they may deem quiet people to be stuck-up and assume overly talkative ones must be heavy drinkers or club hoppers.

In other words, they pass judgment without knowing the facts because, well, it's the easy route. Maybe if they actually took the time to talk to the individual or get someone else's opinion, they'd be in a position to make a more accurate assessment.

If you want to get a better feel for what a person is really like, you have all sorts of digital tools at your disposal today, from LinkedIn to Facebook. A little research goes a long way.

Too many people talk -- or judge -- before they think, and it often lands them in hot water.

We shouldn't judge anyone until we have sufficient information to go by, and, even then, our judgment may still be faulty.

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

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When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

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