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Is indifference the worst kind of punishment?

I've talked to some of my readers on this blog about a situation involving my closest friend. Long story short, he did something that really ticked me off -- mind you, this is the second time he's done it -- and now I intend to inflict what I consider to be the worst kind of punishment: indifference.

The reason why I think indifference is the cruelest type of punishment is because it basically communicates that you couldn't care less about the person anymore. What he or she does or says no longer matters to you -- you are perfectly fine shutting the individual out of your life for good. This may not be the case at all;  you might still care deeply about the person. But at the end of the day, life is really more about what you perceive to be true than what may in fact be true.

Many people imagine that getting riled up and lashing out at the person is the worst thing you can do, but I don't find this to be the case. Why? Because when you're angry, you're demonstrating that the person still holds the power to tug at your emotions. You still care enough -- you remain emotionally invested -- to get upset over something the person does or tells you.

The saying "you want what you can't have" certainly holds water in the realm of friendships and relationships. In retrospect, the girls I pined for the most growing up were the ones who showed virtually no interest in me. And I usually felt more drawn to someone or interested in getting his or her attention when I sensed the person was ignoring me.

It can be pretty disconcerting when we sense someone is being apathetic toward us. It throws us off and prompts us to investigate why the person is behaving in this manner.

My friend's behavior was uncalled for, and that's why I feel he deserves what he has coming. After being on the receiving end of two of his meltdowns, I have to do something to teach him a lesson -- something that will motivate him to think twice before opening his mouth.

I don't know what's left of this friendship, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Have you ever been indifferent toward anyone?  If yes, did the strategy work well for you? In other words, did the person change for the better?
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Comments

Unknown said…
I have done this, not by design just emotionally shut the person out of my life because I refused to tolerate their behavior any more...it takes me a long time and many conversations before I call it quits, but when I'm done, I'm done .. this person holding a special place in my life and experiencing how tolerant I am didn't expect such severe repercussions .. it was over a year before I saw or spoke to this person, but the new relationship is better than ever ..
February 15, 2015 at 10:33 PM
Jeff Martinez, Writer & Proud Introvert said…
Thanks for sharing, Deb. If the person cares at least a little, I think the shift can certainly have an effect, especially if it goes against one's usually-docile nature.
February 16, 2015 at 3:12 AM
Lynn said…
Yes. That's how things are with my dad and I. All he's ever done is hurt me. And ignore me. He tends to have the maturity level of a 3 year old! He and I don't click. So I no longer talk to him. He calls me up and says "Why do you no longer ever call me?" I can't explain to him why. I don't want to make him upset. But how he's always been won't ever change. It'll always be a thorn in my side. So as hard as it seems I've just decided that I'm worth more than to allow him to disrespect me. So I've just given up on him. I don't need him to constantly give me grief. Just because he's my dad doesn't mean I should have to feel guilty for not hanging onto him. So as hard as that sounds I just don't talk to my dad. He will always be my dad but he'll never be worth getting upset over, either.
July 19, 2015 at 5:40 PM
Lynn said…
Yes. That's how things are with my dad and I. All he's ever done is hurt me. And ignore me. He tends to have the maturity level of a 3 year old! He and I don't click. So I no longer talk to him. He calls me up and says "Why do you no longer ever call me?" I can't explain to him why. I don't want to make him upset. But how he's always been won't ever change. It'll always be a thorn in my side. So as hard as it seems I've just decided that I'm worth more than to allow him to disrespect me. So I've just given up on him. I don't need him to constantly give me grief. Just because he's my dad doesn't mean I should have to feel guilty for not hanging onto him. So as hard as that sounds I just don't talk to my dad. He will always be my dad but he'll never be worth getting upset over, either.
July 19, 2015 at 6:00 PM
Jeff Martinez, Writer & Proud Introvert said…
Thanks for your comment, Lynn. No father should treat his daughter that way. I commend you for at least trying to remedy the situation. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself. I could understand not wanting to talk to him if all he does is give you grief. Have you tried to have someone else intervene (your mom, a friend, therapist, etc.?)
July 24, 2015 at 2:00 AM
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