How to cancel toxic people from your life

It goes without saying that toxic people can be corrosive to our mental and emotional satisfaction. The longer they remain in our lives and the more time we spend with them, the higher the risk it poses to our well-being.

Stop for a moment to consider who in your life you'd deem toxic:

Is it a boss or co-worker who has a knack for humiliating you at work?
Is it a friend who talks smack behind your back?
Or is it even your own partner, whose comments about your physical appearance border on the abusive?

Perhaps you might have multiple toxic folks in your personal and professional life. Such relationships can be awfully difficult to navigate, but with the right tools, you can neutralize their power and walk away stronger and more resilient.

The damage toxic people can inflict

Toxic people can undercut our self-esteem and diminish our feelings of self-worth. The more they repeat things like "you're not worth it" to us, the more likely we are to come to believe them. In fact, toxic people are masters in the art of manipulation: They sniff out what we're most sensitive about -- whether it be our weight or our quiet nature -- and glom on to it. Then, when something rubs them the wrong way, they pull it out of their arsenal and unleash their venom with full force. It could be that you got the promotion and they didn't, or merely that you carry a smile around all day while they stew in their own disenchantment.

Why people are toxic

There can be a whole host of reasons why people stoop to this level. It usually boils down to their being unhappy about their own life and projecting that disillusion onto the rest of us. As the saying goes, misery loves company, and there's nothing that irks a toxic person more than seeing the people in their orbit feeling mighty chipper. In order to restore a sense of equilibrium and feel better about themselves, they resort to trying to hurt others' feelings.

How to handle toxic people

Toxic folks can eat away at our happiness insofar as we allow them to. The moment you say "enough is enough" and let them know you won't stand for their insolence, the tables can begin to turn. Once they witness you stand up for yourself and what you believe in, they may actually gain a newfound sense of respect for you. But this isn't always a given. If their impertinence continues, you are well within your rights to say you refuse to associate with them any longer and effectively sever ties.

This may not be easy to do if the toxic person in question is your boss and you really don't want to imperil your well-paying job, or a partner whom you've been with a long time. But let's face it: No job or partner is worth risking your mental or emotional health for. And the right job or partner would never subject you to such terrible treatment.

What you should never do

If you try to fight their toxicity by being toxic yourself, guess what? They've won. Toxic people take sick pleasure in using the worst of themselves to bring out the worst in you. Never take the bait. Never stoop to their surly, conniving level. Be the better man or woman by acting with dignity. Maintain firmness while never abandoning your self-respect. There's nothing that perturbs a toxic individual more than failing to get under your skin. Keep your composure -- it'll drive them mad!

The bottom line

Life is too short to waste our finite mental and emotional resources on people bent on making us miserable. The good thing is that how we respond can make all the difference. Stay true to your values. Stand up for your principles. And if you find that parting ways is the only way for you to regain a sense of peace, never feel guilty in doing so. Your happiness matters.

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog