Has your partner phubbed you?

Chances are you're wondering what on Earth being phubbed even means.

Phubbing is the act of snubbing someone by giving your attention to your phone. In essence, the word combines "phone" and "snub."

Phubbing is unquestionably a byproduct of the ubiquitious nature of smart devices. More and more people find themselves glued to their screens, whether at work, the gym, the grocery store, or the movies.

Phubbing can involve deliberately ignoring someone who is attempting to talk to you. But in most cases, snubbing isn't necessarily done in malice. We just get distracted and pay more attention to the phone than the person in front of you.

This behavior, which can easily be construed as rudeness, can have a material impact on relationships.

In fact, studies show that people who have been "phubbed" by their romantic partner are more disposed to snoop on their partner’s texts, social media posts, and other digital communications.

This is a recipe for two angry partners and one or more collosal arguments that can tear at the love and trust they have for each other.

One partner perceives the other as ignoring them and then proceeds to snoop.

Now the "phubber" feels his or her privacy has been violated, charging that the "snooper" is insecure and overreacting. It's a vicious, destructive cycle that is sure to damage the union irreparably.

Everyone looks at their phone every now and then while interacting with their partner. But if done excessively, it can have a detrimental effect on the relationship, leading the other person to feel ignored and unimportant and prompting them to launch into detective mode.

To mitigate this, the one engaged in phubbing must ensure their partner still feels validated and heard. The phubbing can very easily be misinterpreted as a disinterest in them or the relationship. Perhaps some ground rules have to be set around phone time, like limiting use during dinner and TV/bedtime. And it goes without saying that the phone should be off limits during serious conversations.

Though I can understand the act of phubbing touching a nerve, it doesn't give the other party any right to go through their partner's communications. Instead, take a harder line: Tell them you don't feel as though you're being heard. Emphasize how much it hurts your feelings and that you don't see the relationship as succeeding if the pattern continues.

Comments

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