Most of us can point to at least one toxic person in our lives whom we detest but for one reason or another have to put up with. Maybe it's a mercurial boss or meddling in-law, or a friend-of-a-friend who rubs you the wrong way.
Then there are those who perhaps weren't toxic in the beginning but have become so over time -- a friend or partner, perhaps. In such cases, we have the power to cut them loose, but seem unable to pull the trigger. Here's why this can be so difficult:
1. We still care about them. It isn't easy to part ways cold turkey with someone you've known for a long time -- one you've built special, indelible memories with. Just because they've become a shell of their former self doesn't mean we've lost sense of who and how they were in the beginning.
2. They refuse to let you go. Whether it's that they're possessive or deep down they still hold deep feelings for you, they might stop at nothing to foil your plans to call the relationship quits. Oftentimes their most effective secret weapons include giving you guilt trips and suddenly playing nice each time you announce you've had it up to here.
3. We hang on to the hope that they'll change. This is likely the most common reason for relationships dragging out way longer than they ever should. In the vain hope that our partner will change for the better sooner or later, we perpetuate the toxic situation in which we find ourselves.
As I've indicated in other posts, I always encourage people to do all they can to salvage the relationship before pulling the plug -- even if it means enlisting a counselor.
But once you've gone down all roads to no avail, it's probably better for your mental health to extricate yourself from these trying circumstances.
Just because you end it doesn't mean you have to convince yourself that you no longer care. You can still hold feelings for someone even though they're no longer in your life.
Expecting him or her to change is tantamount to subjecting yourself to a life of misery. I'm not saying it's impossible, but what if it never happens? Are you really willing to risk all that time you will never get back?
And if you're ready to move on but they just won't take no for an answer (e.g., repeatedly calling you, showing up at your job), you'll have to get firmer and say you don't want to have to file a restraining order against them.
It's unfortunate that some people grow toxic over time, but that's the nature of relationships: They're subject to change for the worse, just like the people in them.
Don't risk the relationship further devolving into an abusive one. If your instincts tell you it's time, just walk away.
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