Men don't do this enough -- and it's a problem

Even amongst my closest male friends, I've noticed something of a pattern:

Men generally don't like to talk about their problems.

I recently wrote to a friend who uncharacteristically forgot my birthday this year. To my surprise, he told me he'd had surgery and had been in recovery for two weeks.

He didn't seem inclined to talk much about it; in fact, he didn't even disclose what kind of surgery he'd had.

I'm in a similar boat with yet another male friend, who recently broke up with his fiancée of three years and has been scant on details.

This despite the fact that I, as a man, have been transparent with them about my health and relationship woes in the past.

I understand not everyone is at the same comfort level when it comes to divulging personal information, even to close friends.

But these very men have a tendency to pry into the affairs of others. They may ask questions of me that they wouldn't answer themselves if it were the other way around.

So why are some men so reluctant to get in touch with their emotions?

Perhaps they've been conditioned by society to behave this way, fearing that if they discuss their feelings and concerns openly, they will appear weak, unable to conquer their demons.

Or, it may be that they do open up to certain women in their life -- their moms, partners -- but feel awkward doing the same with men.

This brings to mind the stereotype that men are never to cry, for it runs counter to the social imperative to remain strong, manly, in control of his emotions.

If you ask me, it's all bunk.

Men are still emotional creatures, even though they're painted as being far less so -- and more logical -- than their female counterparts.

Men shouldn't fear that putting their feelings on the table will emasculate them. If anything, may very well avert serious emotional damage down the road -- for keeping our feelings bottled up, no matter one's gender, can ultimately produce adverse health impacts: sadness at best and depression at worst.

Going back to the two down-on-their-luck friends, I really wish that I could do more to help them, but it's virtually impossible when they choose to put up an emotional wall.

If anything, this has taught me to reassess not whether I should discuss my feelings with others, but to whom. If certain male friends are unwilling to volunteer information that will allow me to help them, why should I do it for them?

Friendships are a two-way street. If someone doesn't wish to talk candidly about whatever is troubling them, it may lead the other person to assume trust in the relationship isn't mutual.

For any of you guys going through tough times, please don't be hesitant to confide in your male comrades. More likely than not, they feel a genuine urge to help you, but they won't be able to unless you spill the beans.

But if you insist on keeping certain things confidential, it's only fair you respect your friend's need for privacy as well when they themselves have hit a rough patch.

Men who are forthright about their feelings aren't girly or overly sensitive -- they're human.

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog