Has someone hurt you like this? (Warning: It's painful.)

Has anyone ever told you you're the only one for them -- that they vow to be faithful to you for the rest of your lives -- only to turn around and cheat on you?

Few things could be as devastating.

Imagine that: Someone who you envisioned spending the rest of your life with shattering your trust so egregiously.

The fact of the matter is that they were never being sincere about how they felt. Because when someone truly loves you, they wouldn't dare jeopardize the bond you share -- let alone by cheating.

And none of these count as justifiable:

Drinking too much

Being stressed at work

Being seduced

Feeling unhappy in the relationship

You don't go around canoodling with other men or women when something is awry in the relationship or, more generally, in your life. You make your partner aware of it so they can help you. You communicate. You discuss your options.

If you see the relationship as no longer bringing you fulfillment, you either agree to seek counseling with your partner, or you end the relationship before betraying his or her trust.

And in case you're not sure what constitutes cheating, here's a rule of thumb to go by: If you don't feel comfortable telling your wife about something you've done with another man or woman, you've likely crossed a line.

Cheaters are selfish in myriad ways. Not only do they fail to take their partner's feelings into account while cheating, but many opt to remain tight-lipped because they want the cake and they want to eat it too.

A cheater's logic: I don't want my relationship to go down the tubes, but if I can get a little something on the side, it's the best of both worlds! In fact, if either my serious relationship or side relationship falters, I'll have a back-up.

Life doesn't work that way.

The victim deserves to know what's transpired so that they can decide whether they wish to try and salvage the relationship (I wouldn't blame them for not wanting to) or move on. They deserve that much.

And cheaters will only add fuel to the fire by blaming their partner for the infidelity (e.g., claiming they were driven to cheat by their partner's behavior).

Even if the partner has fumbled in some way, two wrongs don't make a right. And seeking retribution by straying is a despicable way to go about it.

Can't you exhibit some class by first breaking up with your partner and then running off into the arms of the other man or woman?

Before committing this relationship transgression, a person should ask themselves these questions:

Would I want this done to me?

Is it really worth it to risk throwing my relationship away for a few nights of fun with someone else?

Would I be able to bear the thought of seeing my partner with someone else if he or she refuses to take me back?

Thinking it through may very well deter some from going any further as they gain a renewed appreciation for their partner.

But as we know, that's the best-case scenario (and quite often, the least probable) scenario.

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n

Misconceptions about quiet people

Earlier today, I came across a Facebook page that features motivational quotes intended to improve people's moods and enhance their overall self-esteem. Interestingly, I noticed two quotes that focus specifically on quiet people: "Be afraid of quiet people; they're the ones who actually think." "The quietest people have the loudest minds." I've observed that most people's views of quiet individuals can fall under one of two categories: 1. The ones who say quiet people are antisocial, suspicious, snobbish, and/or full of themselves. 2. The people who say their introspective nature and propensity to be deep in thought makes them smarter than their more garrulous peers. The quotes above speak to this mindset. As an introvert known to be quiet at work and at social functions where I might not know anyone, I feel I'm well positioned to dispel any inaccuracies surrounding quiet folks. First of all, the above statements misguidedly put

Understand People

Search This Blog