Don't allow your ex to hold you back

Many of my readers have maintained that a key reason they're afraid to jump into a new relationship is because of the disastrous, toxic one they've only just escaped.

Fair enough. And you deserve time to grieve the end of the relationship, for even though your life is sure to improve for the better, getting used to not having him or her in your life (especially if you'd been with them for many years) is an adjustment that doesn't happen overnight.

However, I do take issue with people, once ready to get back in the relationship saddle, turning down great opportunities, because, well, their ex John or Beth was a nightmare and this new potential partner may be just the same.

Only by giving people a chance do you give yourself the opportunity to move on.

I understand feeling vulnerable and wanting to erect something of an emotional wall at first to protect your feelings.

But you can't allow the ghost of your ex to haunt you forever.

For all you know, this person will be entirely different. Be positive and consider that maybe -- just maybe -- they will actually be loyal, caring, and attentive to your needs.

If you make an ex, who is no longer in the picture, the reason for not allowing yourself to move on, you've essentially made yourself their prisoner. They're still wielding mental and emotional power over you.

If it doesn't work out with this new partner, so be it. It isn't as if the relationship will end in the same way and for the same reasons. You'll emerge even stronger and bolder than the first time.

But there is no reason to think so negatively. If you don't give it a try, you'll be left wondering whether you missed out on a valuable opportunity to find real happiness.

Change your thinking. Instead of thinking of your ex as a reason not to proceed, think of him or her as the perfect reason to do just that -- your ticket to starting a bright new chapter in your life.

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