Don't allow your ex to hold you back

Many of my readers have maintained that a key reason they're afraid to jump into a new relationship is because of the disastrous, toxic one they've only just escaped.

Fair enough. And you deserve time to grieve the end of the relationship, for even though your life is sure to improve for the better, getting used to not having him or her in your life (especially if you'd been with them for many years) is an adjustment that doesn't happen overnight.

However, I do take issue with people, once ready to get back in the relationship saddle, turning down great opportunities, because, well, their ex John or Beth was a nightmare and this new potential partner may be just the same.

Only by giving people a chance do you give yourself the opportunity to move on.

I understand feeling vulnerable and wanting to erect something of an emotional wall at first to protect your feelings.

But you can't allow the ghost of your ex to haunt you forever.

For all you know, this person will be entirely different. Be positive and consider that maybe -- just maybe -- they will actually be loyal, caring, and attentive to your needs.

If you make an ex, who is no longer in the picture, the reason for not allowing yourself to move on, you've essentially made yourself their prisoner. They're still wielding mental and emotional power over you.

If it doesn't work out with this new partner, so be it. It isn't as if the relationship will end in the same way and for the same reasons. You'll emerge even stronger and bolder than the first time.

But there is no reason to think so negatively. If you don't give it a try, you'll be left wondering whether you missed out on a valuable opportunity to find real happiness.

Change your thinking. Instead of thinking of your ex as a reason not to proceed, think of him or her as the perfect reason to do just that -- your ticket to starting a bright new chapter in your life.

Comments

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog