Are you unhappily single?
Does love seem to evade you like the pesky mouse that manages to squeak by the frustrated cat?
Take heart. Many out there are in your shoes. But just because you've been unsuccessful in relationships previously doesn't mean that trend has to continue.
In order to secure real, lasting love, you must land somewhere between these polar-opposite approaches:
1. The rush to find someone and the willingness to patiently wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to waltz into your life.
Hooking up with someone without first getting to know them is foolhardy, especially if you're fortunate enough to be aware of traits or a certain track record you view as disqualifying (e.g., he was known to beat up his ex-wife or, unlike you, is an unapologetic atheist). Instead of rushing into a relationship just so you can declare you're no longer single, give it some time. Just because there's low-hanging fruit doesn't mean you have to snag it.
However, some people take "waiting for the right person" to mean they can literally wait for their soul soulmate to knock on their door or bump into them at the mall.
Putting yourself out there can certainly broaden your opportunities. What interests you? You can indulge your present hobbies or cultivate new ones by joining book clubs, taking karate lessons, or finding other ways to convene with like-minded people. Don't think of it as setting out to meet your next hubby or bride, but seeing if you can meet some interesting new people.
2. The urge to be unrealistically picky and the tendency to settle for just about anyone.
Many of the same people who complain about not being able to find love are among the pickiest people you'll ever meet.
He's too short. She doesn't know how to dance. He's never served in the military. She has a huge mole above her upper lip.
There's setting standards, and then there's all-out nitpicking the most minute, superficial stuff.
Those who aim to find perfection will come up short every time. They themselves are flawed individuals, so why would they demand it in their partner?
On the flip side, you wouldn't fault a fit woman who eats healthy and exercises every day for giving a 500-pound man a pass. Similarly, a man who has invested lots of money, sweat, and tears into his thriving business isn't in the wrong for wanting a partner who is hard-working and gainfully employed.
Finding love can seem like a complicated labyrinth. After all, the choice of partner is one of the most important ones you'll ever make.
Break-ups and heartbreak, I warn you, may be in store.
But don't give up. As with anything else in life, persistence pays off. You just have to find that middle ground between hooking up quickly with whoever crosses your path and expecting love to fall in your lap.
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